DH refusing to financially help sister after she went on holiday.

[Sallymeblue]

I need to keep this as vague as possible. We are financially supporting me sister and have been doing so for several years. This year for the first time, in a very long time, her family are going on holiday and this has enraged DH. He is seething that we are supporting whilst they are going to holiday, he doesn't think they should expect help and go on holiday.

He is taking his anger out on me because I don't work due, and be feels I dont contribute to the household and he support me and my sister

Oh, okay, my apologies, I didn't realise you were ill.

Is it just the lower rent or is he supporting her with extra help? If it is just the rent, it is none of his business when she goes on holiday, having a decent rent paying tenant is a godsend even with reduced rent.

So do you support (ie provide extra money) on top if the reduced rent, or is allowing her to have a reduced rent the only support?

If you are giving her top- up funds, I can understand why dh is cross. The money is fur everyday living, and not for luxuries (which holidays are).

If someone rise us funding the holiday, then mixed views. Yes, it’s good that sister isn’t paying, but then could these other people help pay towards sisters money shortage as well.

If only support us reduced rent, again I have mixed views. Sister can spend her money on what she wants. However, you could argue that if she can afford £1500 holiday, then she could afford to give you an extra hundred pounds per month.

Does your husband give her money?

These issue what are the cause . Are they your dh leaving everything to you ? Are they him blaming you for everything.
Does he do his equal share ?
Do you pull your weight ?

Why is your DH supporting your sister?

I'd be annoyed too, if I were putting myself out for people who prioritised £1.5k holidays over the support I was providing. £1.5k is not a cheap break. That's a lot of money.

If your DH is working hard to support your family and your sister's family too, perhaps you need to consider what you could do to help him and support people yourself? If your children are at school now then it's probably time to look at options for getting back into the workforce again. Realistically, most families need two incomes these days.

You might find he’d resent it a lot less if he wasn’t having to subsidise your sister as well.

1.5k is splashing the cash actually. If you can save £1500 to take your family on holiday, then you should be paying the bloody rent rather than poncing off your brother in law.

£1.5k?! Holidays are a luxury once you've paid for everything else out of your own money. If you can't afford it, you don't get it, same as everything else.

Hey?!?!?

if it’s only a reduced rent then that’s what you do for family especially if it is paid on time and you keep a closer eye on it. That is not supporting her.

in what other ways are you financially supporting her?

if it is just the first way then it is absolutely none of his business what your sister spends her money on. To be fair he has no right to know about her spending if he does support in other ways, unless of course she has borrowed money and has yet to pay it back.

your husband is getting resentful to you too, kindly maybe you need to look at getting out and working. It sets a very good example to your children if you are able and will exponentially help with your mental health if you find the right job.

You still haven’t answered if the reduced rent is the only financial support. Also, what is a ‘small’ reduction? My views will be different depending on whether it’s 5% or 50%.

Also most jobs have ‘stress and pressure’. You don’t seem to care about the ‘stress and pressure’ your DH is living with supporting you and your joint children and financially assisting his SIL.

Also, £1,500 is not cheap for someone who can’t even afford the rent.

Are you receiving any sort of pension or anything?

Because if not and if you’re not getting any help for your MH then I’d start resenting it too. He might be starting to struggle and not know how to address it.

"Slightly below market rate" could mean anything.

If she's paying just a little below market rate but also carries out repairs and maintenance, pays on time and means you're avoiding letting/management agent's fees which you'd otherwise be paying, then your DH is being unreasonable.

But if she's getting it for half market rate and not doing all those things, then he has a point! Especially if your own lifestyle is being affected, or if it's affecting the holidays your own family can afford.

Oh, and £1.5k for a week away is not what I'd describe as a mini-break. Are you perhaps guilty of downplaying it to your DH?

Slightly reduced rent is hardly financial support is it. It’s mates rates and you get the benefit of knowing your tenant, receiving timely rent and not worrying your property will be ruined. Is that the only financial help she gets from your DH? If so, I think he’s wildly out of line to be enraged about your DS’ family holiday.

Wow, pretty much unanimous... poor guy.

What are you and your sister going to do when he has MH issues and can't work either? Because it is stressful shouldering all the financial burden supporting one family, let alone your sister.

I'd say you should get a job, no matter how few hours/low paid you have to start, and build up from there. And your sister should sort herself out.

If only support us reduced rent, again I have mixed views. Sister can spend her money on what she wants. However, you could argue that if she can afford £1500 holiday, then she could afford to give you an extra hundred pounds per month.

Not really if all she can afford after a few years is a £1500 holiday. It must be exhausting constantly working and not having time out with your children and not being able to go away. I feel for her sister but I do think the op should work as it will help improve her mental health. She needs to find something she wants to work in.

That doesn’t answer either of my questions. Did you quote my comment by mistake?

I wouldn't necesarily call renting a property to a family member a little under the market rate financially supporting them, if it suits you both; she should be entitled to spend her money on what she likes. Do you still fulfill all of your landlord obligations like Gas and Electric Certs and pay tax on the income?
I'm sorry OP but I think his frustration is aimed at you not your sister.

As a pp said, the benefit of having a tenant that pays rent on time, looks after the property and is planning on staying long term, is worth the lower rent. Poor people are demonised on here and family non existent. In RL most people I know would do this for close family. Just because she's getting some help, it doesn't mean that she shouldn't have a holiday. I wouldn't have told him, if he's of that mind set. A lot of landlords seemed to forget that they are getting their property paid for, it's a reciprocal arrangement. You don't have to accept his anger.

OP, how much below market rent? If it's 5% or less, and shes a great tenant, then that's a good deal for everyone; your dh isn't really financially supporting her if that's the case.

If it's a big %age or if theres other financial support, then your sister is taking the piss.

Can you do any work to take some of the burden from DH?

Why would it depend? Should he be ok with paying other people’s rent so they can afford to save up for holidays if he’s earning loads?

Her sister lives in ops flat and pays them rent.

So you're not contributing and your sister has money off you? I can see why your husband is pissed off. I would be, too.

Not surprised he is an annoyed by the situation. He not only supports you but also your sister. It's a wonder he is still around.

£1.5k on a long weekend 😱
Does your sister have no shame?!

Time to put her rent up to market value I think.

If he’s only allowing her cheaper rent then he’s being unfair. Is he giving her money as well? If he is then I can see why he’s angry.
Also you need to get a job. Struggling with stress and work happens to literally every single person with a job. You need to suck it up and work

Does your husband give her money as well as a subsidised rent?