DH refusing to financially help sister after she went on holiday.

[Sallymeblue]

I need to keep this as vague as possible. We are financially supporting me sister and have been doing so for several years. This year for the first time, in a very long time, her family are going on holiday and this has enraged DH. He is seething that we are supporting whilst they are going to holiday, he doesn't think they should expect help and go on holiday.

He is taking his anger out on me because I don't work due, and be feels I dont contribute to the household and he support me and my sister

£1.5k is actually a fair amount of money, that’s 3 months worth of rent for me alone. No wonder your husband is pissed.

Of course it’s unreasonable!

It happened to us, my husband’s relative got himself into a tight spot (overspending on luxury goods with his wife) and borrowed significant amount of money from us to get out of their problem with the banks. While still owing £10k + to us and paying tiny bits monthly or less, he started telling us how they’re planning 3 weeks holiday around Europe in the summer. The absolute cheek!!

How can your sister afford the holiday?.Is he supporting her weekly or now and again?

Im gonna be very blunt op i call BS on the whole post you have made it can not be real.
If it is how controlling are you to make one man take care of everything and you think thats okay he`s your husband not your family bank.

Agree, too many questions!!
Change question 2 to Why does he support your sister and her family?

Just to be clear, is the only way your sister is being subsidised the reduced rent? If so, I think your dh is being a little unreasonable as that seems a small price to pay for a known reliable tenant (unless by reduced rent you mean 50% or something)

If you are supporting her financially in other ways then he is not being unreasonable. Is there a good reason you don’t work? As it sounds like that is annoying him too.

Is the reduced rent the only way he financially supports her? Is it a big reduction?

I think a small reduction for family and thats the only help, I wouldn't be annoyed. Big reduction, yes i would if he gives them additional help then yes I'd be really angry too.

I tried going back to work after the children went to school but I couldn't cope with the pressure and stress. I have been SAHM since, and he has started to resent that.

How much below market rate?

So is the renting of the property at slightly below market rate the only financial help that your DH is providing? If so, he is being unreasonable. I assumed that he was completely supporting your sister's family based on your original post.

OP, why do you think it is ok for your sister to take from your DH. Why doesn't she get a second job or cancel the holiday and pay market rate for her accommodation. Then he can work a little less hard.

If I was your DH, I'd be putting the rent up. If your children are at school I'd expect you to work part time too. No wonder he is starting to feel used. He is being used.

So I'm all for shared and pooled finances but its essentially your DH financially supporting your sister isn't it???

If I was charging someone lower rent for whatever reason, as long as they were paying it & on time what they do with the rest of their money is up to them.

If I didn't like the situation I could put the rent up!

You say her family so is that husband also?

Why do you rent at a lower rate to her?

Eta I think 1,5k is a lot for a holiday.

You need to try working again.

Is that the only financial support she gets from your DH. Obviously reduced rent will be a big help but you made it out like he fully supports her? How much reduced rent? Does he expect her family to not have a life because of this rent reduction?
If he was fully supporting then I’d say YABU because how they affording a holiday. However he shouldn’t be having a go at you over it either way

(If this is true) team DH all the way.

Also £1.5k on a holiday is a decent amount of cash imho.

I tried going back but has MH issues, so I have been a SAHM

Are you on a wind up OP?

Anyway, YABVU

Your sister isn't your husbands responsibility. Sounds like you are both freeloading off him.

In this situation I really don't blame him op. Time to grow up and get a job so you can support your Dsis. Everyone has elements of pressure in their jobs 🙄

I am with your DH. Hardly ever say that.

And how the fuck is that any of your DH's problem?

Your DH should stop financially assisting your exploitative sister and I would not be surprised if he turfed you out as well for supporting her, not him - you know, the guy grafting and putting money on the fucking table.

Poor poor guy.

Sounds like the expectation of supporting everyone has become too much for your husband.

You need to get a job to relieve some of the pressure from him. You’ll all be fucked if he has a breakdown from stress.

I suppose it all depends on what he does for a living and how much he earns. Could you share that with us OP?

It’s not her cash to splash though, is it?
If you are getting financial support from others, you don’t go on holiday till it’s paid back.

You and your DSis are CF’s for thinking any differently. I feel for your poor DH.
You need to get a job, and your Sis needs to cancel the holiday and give the money to your DH.