New house - who gets biggest room?

[Catseyes2025]

So in the process of buying a new house with my partner. I have three children and he has one. The new house has 4 bedrooms. 2 good size and 2 smaller. He wants his daughter to have the second biggest room. She does not live with us full time, she lives with her mum. I don’t feel this is fair as my two youngest will have to share a room and now it looks like they will have to share a smaller room. This is totally grating me. He won’t budge on this as he says he’s promised her this room because she wanted it. I will be honest his daughter rarely gets told no. I guess it’s the joy of being an only child. I’ve really struggled with this as she has become quite entitled and really can’t handle if she doesn’t get her own way.
I literally don’t know how to handle this and tbh I’m dreading having to live with her - any advice would be greatly appreciated

The two kids who are getting their own rooms get the smaller rooms, the two who are sharing get the bigger one, regardless of which child belongs to which parent.

Also, by the way - don't buy a house with this man.

"Smaller" and "worse" are both comparatives, so I fail to see your point, sorry. Of course there are other factors. But if those factors are equal, and if they are not mentioned it is fair to assume they are, smaller is generally worse.

If she wants to be in the bigger room she has to share it. I’d let one of your daughters have the smaller room to herself, the other shares the bigger room with your step-daughter and that way they get it to themselves most of the week and just have to share when SD is round.

A 21 year old should not have to share a room. They're an adult. Tell his daughter she'll have to wait until the extension is finished.
I also would be reconsidering buying with him

I don't usually comment on threads like this. I get relationships are more complex than what we might glean from here amd it's easy to make a flyby LTB type comment, which I'm not here to do, but I am going to second this:

"... don't buy a house with this man."

You say he's trying and he's conceded now but how many other battles lie ahead of you both? This is an indicator of how future disagreements might roll. He promised his child something that very clearly not his (sole) decision to make - and then dug his heels in.

Can you rent together first? Navigating blended families is complicated and can really push the boundaries of your relationship if there's even a hint of you both not being on the same page with all the kids. If he's a permissive parent, that's going to be even harder still. (I don't agree with the logic that an only child will be used to getting their own way. That's a parenting choice)

Please proceed with caution.

🚩🚩🚩
I read your post and just thought that there were a number of red flags for your future in this house. Do you really in your heart think that this is a good idea?
There are so many posts on Mumsnet about the huge challenges of being a stepmother and the dynamics of blended families. If you are worried now before you have begun living in the house then surely this is a warning for you?

I think you shouldn't be buying a house together

You have 3 children and a 4 bedroom house. Why is anyone sharing a room?

I think with adult children living at home plus teens everyone needs a bedroom and you have to put your home office or whatever somewhere else. Or it’s time for the 21 year old to move out.

He made the decision over your head without consulting or discussing with you. He has promised something he has to renege on and take backlash from someone he won't say No to nor will he try to " manage". Bear in mind his daughter will have 2 rooms....one at her Mums and one at yours. Your kids will have 1 room. Your children will always come in second as he makes demands and absolutes by " not budging". Start as you mean to go on. And back away out from buying together if you have to. Put the needs of yours first and don't let him sweetly manoeuvre or downplay your needs

She/he who pays the piper, calls the tune. She/he who is the main financial provider, decides the allocation.

They're a family though. Isn't it about sharing rather than wealth?

Because of the step daughter who is there part of the time.

I am sorry. I don’t wish to be rude. But in the politest way possible, that’s a load of rubbish and it’s a very toxic way of thinking.

And what if it's even, as op has said it is, in one of her few posts? (Not a criticism of op btw). It's not so hard to read all ops posts when there aren't many.

Nor is it fair to the rest of the family that this girl can dictate how the house runs just because her parents are not together. She'll be playing that card forever if she gets away with it this time.

Of course you are right and what you write is absolutely how it should be, but I speak from bitter experience of being the only breadwinner - we are all anonymous here, so I tell the truth - I begrudge my own, my dh and my dc, my own flesh and blood, I begrudge them certain things (won't go into details) as the only breadwinner - I can only imagine what happens in the head of those with stepchildren, if there is disparity in incomes. I am just being honest.

No need to be sorry - I agree with you. Of course you are right and what you write is absolutely how it should be, but I speak from bitter experience of being the only breadwinner - we are all anonymous here, so I tell the truth - I begrudge my own, my dh and my dc, my own flesh and blood, I begrudge them certain things (won't go into details) as the only breadwinner - I can only imagine what happens in the head of those with stepchildren, if there is disparity in incomes. I am just being honest.

I'm sorry this happened to you. It's tough being the breadwinner and having others totally reliant on you. I hope things are better now 🙏

It's a no brainer, if he can explain a logical fair reason, not "but I said she could" then there's a discussion but he obviously can't. The full time, sharing siblings get the bigger room, it's as simple as that. A big room left empty half the week is just mean spirited to the other two who have to share, it wouldn't change even if she was there full time if she isn't sharing, she gets privacy and doesnt need a big room to boot.

Then I don't know and I apologise - this one I have not thought about.

@Loubelou71 OP’s eldest daughter and her stepdaughter will have their own rooms. The youngest 2 of her children will be sharing a room. OP and her partner have now agreed that youngest 2 will have the bigger room. Her 21 year old was already going to have one of the smaller rooms.

The issue initially was that it was suggested by her partner that his daughter will have the bigger room as that was what she, the stepdaughter, had chosen which implied OP’s youngest two would be sharing a smaller room. This of course was a red flag especially as her partner was seemingly not budging and didn’t seem to be having a discussion. But it now seems that OP is in equal footing financially with her partner, and that that they can have open discussions, and her partner has agreed that OP’s youngest two daughters can now share the bigger room which means his daughter will get one of the smaller rooms. There has been some mention of an extension but I’m not sure about the room allocations after that.

Really? You resent supporting your own DC? As a parent its your job to support your DC, if they were unplanned then thats unfortunate but its still your responsibility.

If your DH was a SAHP then the whole family benefits from that support including teh "breadwinner".

If he was able bodied and bone idle then you have a legitimate grievance about him but the logical action is to LTB and drop funding for the dead weight. Staying and begrudging in that situation was a choice as well and will affect the DC over time.

There is no way his daughter should get the biggest room!

No.

You and partner get the biggest room.

I take it your two are same sex? They get the next biggest room.

She gets the smallest room as she's not there all the time, and there's only one of her.

Sounds like she has him round her little finger. Guilt?

Have your very sensible reasons and rationale ready - and stick to it.

Brace: Be prepared for you to be painted as the bad guy; by him to her, and by them both to her mother.

I would be re- thinking the whole relationship.
Being in a relationship with a man not willing to compromise for the sake of you and your children has no future.