New house - who gets biggest room?

[Catseyes2025]

So in the process of buying a new house with my partner. I have three children and he has one. The new house has 4 bedrooms. 2 good size and 2 smaller. He wants his daughter to have the second biggest room. She does not live with us full time, she lives with her mum. I don’t feel this is fair as my two youngest will have to share a room and now it looks like they will have to share a smaller room. This is totally grating me. He won’t budge on this as he says he’s promised her this room because she wanted it. I will be honest his daughter rarely gets told no. I guess it’s the joy of being an only child. I’ve really struggled with this as she has become quite entitled and really can’t handle if she doesn’t get her own way.
I literally don’t know how to handle this and tbh I’m dreading having to live with her - any advice would be greatly appreciated

I think I'd handle it by reconsidering this relationship. Two people (of any age) sharing a room and living in the house full time need a larger room more than a single person who's not even there all the time. If this man can't see that, I'd question how I'd get on with him. His tendency to want to spoil his child would seal the deal for me. I'd find that infuriating to witness and suffer the consequences of. Stay with him and you'll have to perfect the art of biting your tongue.

Did you actually read all the Ops posts properly? I didn't see any mention of a home office. There are 4 'children', not 3. One bedroom for the parents. One room for the eldest child - who is also an adult aged 21. One room which will need to be shared between 2 of the OP's children and one room for the Daughter of OP's partner who lives with her own Mother but does spend time with her Father too

the OP's 21 year old DD gets one of the smaller rooms and there needs to be a discussion if she is ot a FT sudent of contributing to bills, The OP's partners DD gets the other smaller roo as she should not share with her half siblings, the two siblings sharing get one of the bigger rooms and so do OP and her partner
so both large bedrooms have 2 people and both smaller rooms have 1 person

This is logically and fair nd if your partner and his DD can't see that this is both logical and fair I would pull out

Your 21 y/o DD should move out and the remaining children can have a room each.

Don’t buy a house with this man.

Please don't be naive. He will say an extension is planned but it will never happen and if he's adamant. Then the sharers can still take the bigger room until the extension is complete

Why would you kick your child out to give siblings a room each?!

Because the other DC are having to share because an adult DC wants to live with their parents. I don’t think that’s unreasonable? 21 is more than old enough to move out.

This. I'd pull out now. Clearly this man prioritizes the wants of his DC above the needs of yours. This won't work unless he is rational.

It just seems unfair that his daughter will have her own room at her Mothers house, and a big room at your new house, equaling 2 rooms of her own. Two of your children are expected to have just half a room each. It sounds very selfish of her and her Father.

I would never have asked one of my children to leave home because there wasn't enough space for them. At 21 they were not high earners and were trying to save money. One was still at university.
I can't imagine saying "leave the family home because we need the bedroom" !

Do you need to extend? What are the plans for they 21 year old as they could possibly move away soon and every child then gets their own room. He might then want his daughter to have the biggest room but that wouldnt be far either as she doesnt live with you full time. His daughter does need her own room when she stays with you, no-one should suggest she shares.

So the two youngest girls who will be sharing get the biggest room. Then your 21 year old and your step-daughter get a smaller room each.
Is this a sign though that he expects his child to come first and get her own way in everything? Something to think about. Yes, he needs to look after her interests, but it needs to be within a context of fairness and consideration of everyone's needs.
With regards her being hard work at times, have you only known her since she was at secondary school/puberty-related years? I think all teenagers are jolly hard work at some stage. It's harder if she sees you as replacing her mum or taking her dad away (both of which may be completely unfounded).
It sounds as though the question of who gets which room is perhaps raising other questions. I'd be putting a halt on buying the home until you've got these resolved. It's a big financial commitment and not easy to undo once you've got as far as exchange of contracts etc.

No way ! The kids who share get the biggest room in the house . We moved not long ago and my step son got the smallest room in the house . He only spends holidays with us and he completely got it .
to be honest I think making your children share when she doesn’t live there is already a lot of giving away . I wouldn’t do it .

Ask him why he was so disrespectful to you as to promise her anything which impacts the rest of the family without consulting you.

Definitely allocate a smaller room to his 'single occupancy' daughter! No one in their right mind would put one DC in a larger room and two in a smaller room to share! Totally bonkers!!
Give his DC the smaller room but by all means let her put her own stamp on it - within reason of course.

You don't seem to have mentioned the sex of yr children. If the youngest 2 are boys they should be able to share. If they're girls then they could share I suppose, but I know from experience that it's not ideal!

If you’ve read OP’s posts, she’s updated saying that her two youngest will be sharing the larger room which means that her stepdaughter will be in the smaller room. OP’s eldest daughter is presumably already allocated one of the smaller rooms as I am assuming that OP and her partner will be in the other large room.

She says all 4 are girls.

@RanyaJerodung I don’t think people are reading all of OP’s posts and they’re just going by the initial post 😅.

I have read all of OP’s comments and I still want to know what his initial justification was. She doesn’t seem to have said.

Could you convert the loft for one of your kids? Sounds like this house isn’t the right one for you and I’d be thinking hard about whether the man is right too.

@ForZanyAquaViewer Well, if you’ve read OP’s posts you would have seen that she mentioned that her partner finds it difficult to say no to the stepdaughter and that said stepdaughter had chosen the larger room so naturally that would have been justification 😕. They’ve clearly since then had an open discussion and he’s changed his mind on the matter and there has been a mention of an extension so his initial solution was only meant to be temporary. I’m assuming those were his reasonings and he’s since then changed his mind which can only be a good thing and shows that he’s capable of reasonable discussions.

True! 😅

I’ve read all her posts and about their subsequent conversation. What I’m wondering about is how he justified it initially.

If his sole justification was ‘she wants it and I can’t say no to her, so everyone else must fall in line’ then that’s a bit mad (and not even a justification). If that’s actually what happened - particularly if OP’s reaction to it was anything other than incredulous refusal - then their relationship is hugely inequitable, regardless of whether or not his solution was intended to be temporary.