New house - who gets biggest room?

[Catseyes2025]

So in the process of buying a new house with my partner. I have three children and he has one. The new house has 4 bedrooms. 2 good size and 2 smaller. He wants his daughter to have the second biggest room. She does not live with us full time, she lives with her mum. I don’t feel this is fair as my two youngest will have to share a room and now it looks like they will have to share a smaller room. This is totally grating me. He won’t budge on this as he says he’s promised her this room because she wanted it. I will be honest his daughter rarely gets told no. I guess it’s the joy of being an only child. I’ve really struggled with this as she has become quite entitled and really can’t handle if she doesn’t get her own way.
I literally don’t know how to handle this and tbh I’m dreading having to live with her - any advice would be greatly appreciated

Make a child share a bedroom with someone they hardly know and have a big age gap with?
Not sure that's a very sensible idea.

Even if she was living there full time she shouldn’t get the biggest bedroom!

Stop. Don't go ahead with the purchase. Protect yourself and your children from the entitled step-child and her enabling father. He's setting a pattern for your lives.

The bedroom sizes vs occupants in your case op is the easiest conundrum I've seen.

Two x larger rooms - One for the two dc sharing and one for you and dp
Two x smaller rooms - one each for your eldest dd and his dd

ANY sensible person would land at this IMO. It's not difficult.

If he's pushing for his DD to have a large room it's a huge problem because he's unable to think fairly or objectively at all and is willing to trample over every other child in the house in favour of his, even when it's blatantly unfair and illlogical to do so.

This will only be the start of your problems.

Stay in your own house and spend nights with each other sometimes.

And whether she lives there full time or one day a week is irrelevant.

Two dc sharing get a bigger room than one dc, regardless of how often they're there or how old they are.

It's also not fair that the child is the product of a broken home and has to flit from one house to another.

His daughter isn't the eldest.
The eldest is OP's and will get solo occupancy of one of the smaller rooms as should the DP's daughter.

So both bigger rooms will be shared and both solos will be in the smaller one. Sounds fair to me

There’s a reason his first marriage didn’t work out. I think you may be seeing it right now. How dare he treat your children in this obviously unfair way? Please don’t move in with him.

Unfortunately, that's what happens with shared custody. Good parents make it work.

My thoughts still stand.

Nothing in this is 'fair' to his child; it's just trying to make the best of a challenging wider 'family dynamic' situation.

Well if it was me I would tell him that clearly the new house doesn’t work for both families so you can’t go ahead. I would also then say I can’t be in a relationship where promising his daughter something like he has without discussing it with me or considering my children is a deal breaker. Maybe then he will understand his actions.

I presume you think the OPs children are all named Jesus.

I would have thought that was obvious? That's why the father is trying his best for his child for whom he does not have full-time custody. If the grown ups can't make it work, then the grown ups need to step back from moving in together and have a re-think.

As you are not the OP but clearly you have a bee in your bonnet about other people's points of view, I will leave you to your buzzing, as I've given my thoughts on the topic. 🐝

He’s being illogical to keep his dd happy. Obviously those sharing get the biggest room. Did you say 4 beds? Why aren’t your 2 getting a room each, eldest gets the biggest for study area etc.

Totally agree...

He won’t budge on this as he says he’s promised her this room because she wanted it.

Wonder what other promises he'll make at yours and your DC expense

He won’t budge on this as he says he’s promised her this room because she wanted it. I will be honest his daughter rarely gets told no. I guess it’s the joy of being an only child.

Nothing to do with being an only child and everything to do with having weak parents.

I literally don’t know how to handle this and tbh I’m dreading having to live with her - any advice would be greatly appreciated

My honest advice would be not to buy the house and tie up your money, if you do go ahead it's with the full knowledge that you know both your DP and his DD can and will be demanding when it suits.

How long will it be before she's complaining about things your own 3 DC do.... or moving herself in full time.

For now I'd think of them more than your DP's DD and wait until they're all older before moving them into a house that's shared with your DP and his DD.

If he doesn't agree is he really the one for you?

Everything in this is fair to his child. What's unfair to her?

Are you on something?

I have no "bee in my bonnet" (sic).
I am a woman with a point of view. I have been polite and - please note - not personal.
I have said nothing extreme or strange.
It's important to agree to disagree. No personal digs, please.

People should really read the OPs posts before responding. It would save a lot of angst over nothing.

He won’t budge on this as he says he’s promised her this room because she wanted it. I will be honest his daughter rarely gets told no

Do not move in with him.

Complete agree. My thoughts exactly. From the sounds of OP’s latest updates, I think this is pretty much the solution OP and her partner have now come to. It’s the most fairest solution.

Put your foot down. Either your girls get the room or the move is off.

I mean, smaller doesn’t mean small necessarily does it? It just means smaller than something larger. Even if we are standing by small = worse, and disregarding all other factors.