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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Different wedding invites for bridesmaids partner

236 replies

Sunnyheart · 29/03/2025 08:14

Hello all,

I wanted some opinions on this situation.

I am a bridesmaid for a friend this summer, and received the official invite to the wedding yesterday. When I went to respond on their wedding website, my partner and I had different tabs for our RSVP. I am listed as attending the whole day ( lunchtime ceremony, afternoon reception which includes sit down meal & speeches etc, and evening do) however my partner was listed as only attending the evening do. I messaged my friend to check this was right and in fact he is able to attend the ceremony ( which finishes at 1) and the evening do from 7pm.

Am I being unreasonable to find this strange ?
My partner and I totally understands costs etc and limits to numbers, but part of me does find this rude.

We will need to travel and stay over night in order to attend, and as the venues are slightly out in the sticks it would be logistically a pain for my partner to go back and forth between a hotel and the venues.

I will caveat by saying that my friend hasn't met my partner even though we have been together for 3 years, as my friend has lived across the country for years now. We are very much firm friends and we have known eachother since college, but not as close day to day as we once were and don't see eachother for months at a time.

My partner doesn't really want to attend which I totally understand , although I would love to have him there ofcourse ( and for selfish reasons it would be much more ideal as I don't feel comfortable driving the distance so it will be the cost of a train there and back , looking at close to £100)

Thank you all.

OP posts:

K8ate · 29/03/2025 08:44

If i was your partner, i wouldn’t bother going at all.
it may be the case that your partner and friend have never met but surely the ‘+1’ etiquette applies when you are such good friends especially as you have been together three years. It’s not as though you’ve only known him for three weeks!!!

Do him a favour and let him stay at home.

Keep the partner and ditch the friend…..

Chuchoter · 29/03/2025 08:45

Just you go as it is a waste of time for him to go.

Deerrobin · 29/03/2025 08:48

I don’t think the bride and groom have done anything wrong in not inviting someone they haven’t met. Equally, no issue with him choosing not to go if he’d rather not attend on that basis.

AnnaQuayInTheUk · 29/03/2025 08:48

Id say that's really not on. I don't think it's ever ok to give partners/spouses different invites to different bits of the day but especially if you're a bridesmaid.

And if I was your partner I wouldn't bother going

PurpleThistle7 · 29/03/2025 08:48

My husband would just skip it and I’d use some time to get more comfortable driving myself there as you’re staying over anyway. No point in him going and then just hanging around all afternoon unless he wants to

Coatsoff42 · 29/03/2025 08:48

I wouldn’t go if I was your partner, the happy couple don’t really want him there. It’s a bit off from your friend, I would just bear that in mind for the future and reassess your friendship a bit.

Anewuser · 29/03/2025 08:48

If it’s a traditional wedding, you’ll be on the top table so where do you think he’ll be sat? On a table with people he doesn’t know.

If I were your partner, I’d happily stay at the hotel until the evening do. Get a taxi there and enjoy the evening with you.

It makes no sense him going to the ceremony or sit down meal.

Jeschara · 29/03/2025 08:49

I think she should have Invited your partner for the whole day, you are a couple. I think she has been insensitive.

DappledThings · 29/03/2025 08:51

I've never understood the outrageous at these things. DH and I had an invite like this once. He went to the whole day. I had an afternoon chilling out in the hotel and joined him later. It was nice.

Mydogisamassivetwat · 29/03/2025 08:53

If the wedding is a bit of a trip for a lot of people, she’ll be shooting herself in the foot for the evening do.

I had a friend do the same. People had 6 hours to kill post ceremony until the evening do. Many just decided to fuck it off after wandering around a town for hours, having to spend money on food and drink. A few had drinks and then just carried on and were having a good time where they were.

She was so upset, but so many people told her you either invite people to the whole day or just the evening. It amazes me that people get so wrapped up in thier own weddings that they can’t see no one else really gives a shit about it.

TennesseeStella · 29/03/2025 09:03

I think it's really nice of the couple to include someone they've never even met on the guest list for the evening do. But if that's not good enough for you and your DP he can stay at home.

Gloschick · 29/03/2025 09:09

Although on the face of it, it seems rude, I think the bride has a point. Going to a wedding when you know no one but your partner isn't the most fun. If you then don't get to spend time with that partner as they are busy on the top table and having photos done, then what is the point? It doesn't sound like he is going to see these people again. He may much prefer to see you be the bridesmaid at the cermony then go off to the pub to watch a match, then join you in the evening for a dance.

FortyElephants · 29/03/2025 09:16

If you're close enough to be her bridesmaid then your partner should get a whole invite. This is rude.

HundredPercentUnsure · 29/03/2025 09:17

If it was my wedding, your DP wouldn't have got an invite at all 😂

Only friends we had both met got an invite to our wedding. To celebrate us as a couple, guests first need to know us as a couple.

HundredPercentUnsure · 29/03/2025 09:18

FortyElephants · 29/03/2025 09:16

If you're close enough to be her bridesmaid then your partner should get a whole invite. This is rude.

Why though? He hasn't met the bride or groom. A stranger essentially.

Simplynotsimple · 29/03/2025 09:22

Would you partner really want to sit through a ceremony of two people he doesn’t know get married, then the whole hanging around after for pictures and such? He would be left with strangers as everyone else were doing all the usual wedding party bits, surely an afternoon chilling in a hotel then (presumably) free food/drink and a party later is absolutely fine? If it was me, I’d be happy to do the latter, or stay home and let my partner enjoy the day with the people they know, whichever suited them better. I’d not be sad in the slightest missing the ceremony when not knowing the people involved.

Endofyear · 29/03/2025 09:24

I think it's odd to invite a couple to different parts of the wedding day. Surely it's normal to invite your bridesmaid's partner to accompany her on the full day? But then, if you're close enough to be asked to be bridesmaid, it's a bit odd that she hasn't met your partner in 3 years!

BlondiePortz · 29/03/2025 09:26

Jeschara · 29/03/2025 08:49

I think she should have Invited your partner for the whole day, you are a couple. I think she has been insensitive.

Why do couples have to be joined at the hip?

I don't get the invite someone to one part and not others but there are women who can't be away from their partner at all and is equally odd

MalorieKnox · 29/03/2025 09:27

DappledThings · 29/03/2025 08:51

I've never understood the outrageous at these things. DH and I had an invite like this once. He went to the whole day. I had an afternoon chilling out in the hotel and joined him later. It was nice.

This would be my take too. If I were him I'd travel down, find something to do (sightseeing, shopping, museum, whatever) during the day then go and join the party for the evening do

Your friend hasn't met him, numbers are tricky at weddings and you'll likely be busy with bmaid duties? It'd be a nice gesture for her to invite him but mightve made things difficult (&expensive!) However no obligation for her to.

crumblingschools · 29/03/2025 09:29

Would your partner know anyone else at the wedding?

Barrenfieldoffucks · 29/03/2025 09:31

Deerrobin · 29/03/2025 08:48

I don’t think the bride and groom have done anything wrong in not inviting someone they haven’t met. Equally, no issue with him choosing not to go if he’d rather not attend on that basis.

Agreed. For many ot would be an opportunity to meet him, but I know some are quite precious about not having people they haven't met before at their wedding regardless of their standing in the lives of those close to them.

Not the end of the world for them not to invite him, so I would just go alone if he isn't happy to tag along under their conditions.

Is it a particularly treacherous drive/journey?

RedHelenB · 29/03/2025 09:36

I'd go. As a partner I'd be gapoy to mooch around a bit in-between, the day is about you as bridesmaid. Ad your partner I'd want to meet your friends. It nay be if someone gives backword he can bump up to the main meal.

JoyousEagle · 29/03/2025 09:39

I wouldn’t make a fuss over it, but anyone I was close enough to to have as a bridesmaid, I’d invite their long term partner to the whole day.

Genevieva · 29/03/2025 09:41

I’d decline the invitation in its entirely for both of you.

Maddy70 · 29/03/2025 09:41

You will be busy on the day ...he would be stuck on his own with a bunch of strangers inviting him to the night do seems entirely reasonable

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