Different wedding invites for bridesmaids partner

[Sunnyheart]

Hello all,

I wanted some opinions on this situation.

I am a bridesmaid for a friend this summer, and received the official invite to the wedding yesterday. When I went to respond on their wedding website, my partner and I had different tabs for our RSVP. I am listed as attending the whole day ( lunchtime ceremony, afternoon reception which includes sit down meal & speeches etc, and evening do) however my partner was listed as only attending the evening do. I messaged my friend to check this was right and in fact he is able to attend the ceremony ( which finishes at 1) and the evening do from 7pm.

Am I being unreasonable to find this strange ?
My partner and I totally understands costs etc and limits to numbers, but part of me does find this rude.

We will need to travel and stay over night in order to attend, and as the venues are slightly out in the sticks it would be logistically a pain for my partner to go back and forth between a hotel and the venues.

I will caveat by saying that my friend hasn't met my partner even though we have been together for 3 years, as my friend has lived across the country for years now. We are very much firm friends and we have known eachother since college, but not as close day to day as we once were and don't see eachother for months at a time.

My partner doesn't really want to attend which I totally understand , although I would love to have him there ofcourse ( and for selfish reasons it would be much more ideal as I don't feel comfortable driving the distance so it will be the cost of a train there and back , looking at close to £100)

Thank you all.

Yes this exactly. I can be away from my long term partner, holidays alone, but this is about respecting the friend who has been with her partner for 3 years.

She's trying to save money, but still getting a sizable gift. I think it's rude and there have been several similar threads on here about non invitees to the reception. If I was your partner, I wouldn't go.

Because it's convention. Social norms. Best mates get a full plus one.

Everyone asking if he would want to go is missing the point. He might not want to go - but he should have been invited.

I agree, it's so strange to invite someone for the ceremony, not the reception - off you go, but you're allowed back for the evening. Not great.

Well at least this pair met each other and didn't spoil another couple eh!

This is very rude of her.

Id want to back out myself but to be honest this is nuclear. I have no time for this sort of nonsense and bad friend behaviour in my life though.

I think it’s extraordinarily rude and so would all of my good friends. They’d be shocked.

i really feel sorry for the partners of the wedding party, they basically stand about all day hold handbags!

the bride will want her bridesmaids to be with her most of the day, she will want your attention on her.

and i fully understand why, if they have never met your partner before, why he's only invited to the night do! money is tight and they want as many close friends as possible celebrating their special day, not some random person they have never met before.

Why should people be expected to wait around while a couple have their reception?

Don't have an evening do if money is tight. Spend the money on the day and invite everyone.

It's a lot of money for yur friend to fork out for someone she doesn't know, who won't know anyone else there. From his perspective, what's the point? Other than to watch you in the bridal parade.

I'm not trying to sounds nasty, I think she's probably tried to save herself some money and avoid making him feel awkward for hours when he could just chill.

Most blokes are happy reading sports on their phones for hours anyway 😅

I could see why you'd both feel put out if you were just a guest and having to stand alone but you're not.

Being invited to celebrate a wedding together is not "being joined at the hip".

Haha yes love the pettiness , this crossed my mind too !

Yes this was my initial reaction too but you are right it would be sending a strong message. If I wasn't a bridesmaid I don't think I'd be going

Being a bridesmaid can be an expensive favour a B&G it think it’s poor of them not to invite him to everything

I think it's really odd to to feel close enough to somebody to invite them to be a bridesmaid, but to treat their partner of three years as an optional extra - but maybe it's the kind of wedding where there are lots of bridesmaids?

I can understand the need to save money - but then would have a simpler wedding that didn't involve bridesmaids.

I don’t have an issue with not automatically giving plus ones (although I’d say a bridesmaid role merits a plus one, unless there are a lot of bridesmaids), but the half invited to the ceremony and then the evening do makes it a bit naff. In her defence, as a bridesmaid you don’t get much time with your other half UNTIL the evening do - so if you think you’ll be a bit lonely after the meal just swallow it down and get him to come. Id think it a bit off, but don’t cut off your nose to prove the point!

It’s not ideal but if they don’t have space they don’t have space - you can’t expect them to sacrifice a seat at the actual ceremony for someone they’ve never met, instead of someone they’re close to, or a family member.

He should just not go - you’ll probably have a better time just with your mates

Yes, you're commited now, but bear in mind how she treats you as couple.

They seem to have plenty of space in the evening.

It's a bit odd yes, but there's nothing you can do. I would think if they can't afford to invite your partner all day, they can't afford the wedding they have chosen to have really, and I wouldn't think it's your place to feel uncomfortable for that. But all you can do is go along with it, and he can decide whether he wants to attend at all. I hate this sort of wrangling though so would just try to rise above.

I agree with this.

But who are they close to, if they aren't close enough to a bridesmaid to discuss this all before sending out invites?

Weddings really have gone a bit mad. I couldn't be bothered with all this - even when my husband was best man, and I didn't know the couple, I was invited. I spent the day on a table with a group of farmers and had a great time! An established couple should be invited together.