DSis threatening to destroy my family with secret recording what do I do?

[InsufficantLizard]

NC for this because it’s beyond messy, and I feel sick even typing it.

Long story short, DSis and I have always had a strained relationship, but we were civil for the sake of DM. Well, that’s out the window now. She’s been holding onto a secret recording of me saying something (out of context, obviously) that could genuinely ruin my marriage and family life if it got out. She’s now threatening to send it to DH and possibly others unless I do what she wants (not going into details, but it’s completely unreasonable).

I feel like I’m in a nightmare. DH would be absolutely gutted if he heard it, even though I swear it’s not what it sounds like. I don’t know whether to try and reason with her (unlikely to work), preemptively tell DH (but risk blowing everything up myself), or just wait and see if she actually does it.

For context, DSis has always been a bit of a drama queen, but this is next level. I just don’t understand how my own sister could be so cruel.

What would you do? Anyone been in a similar situation? Handhold needed, please. I feel sick. 😞

This. She only has power if you let her.

Blackmail is a crime in the UK if there is an unwarranted demand, with menaces, with a view to financial gain. The offence is quite narrow and does not cover a lot of the interactions commonly regarded as 'emotional blackmail'. Depending on the facts, other offences may be made out, such as harassment.

OP won’t be back.

She’s posted her completely out of context thread and left it to people to take her side.

Oh the irony.

Oh and, the police aren’t going to be interested in some sibling spat over a conversation. There are real crimes out there to solve, and as much as making a secret recording isn’t ok, this is all being blown way out of proportion with suggestions of going to the police over what was probably genuinely something the OP said to blow up her marriage.

The police have better things to do. Just come clean fgs.

Tell him everything you've said here. Show him your post. Deal with the fallout with him as a couple privately. Then she has no power over you. So when she reveals it he can say I already know and you're disgusting for doing this. And if she threatens you again you can tell her to go ahead.

And you can warn her that what she's doing is potentially illegal if she's using it to harass you.

It depends what the sister is asking the OP to do. There could be money involved. And even if there isn't and she can't be prosecuted for it, surely she could get a non-molestation order or something? You can't go around blackmailing people and being menacing and threatening, even if it's only emotional and not financial.

OP, it really sounds like you’re in two minds about how bad what you said was - you say it’s ’not that bad’, but you are ‘terrified’ of how your DH will react. Having your sister threaten you with releasing a recording may be putting you in a state where you catastrophise what was said and the outcome of it.

Take a step back, breathe, and assess what you said, why you said it, and the full context. Try to look through the lens of your actual intentions, words, and actions, rather than one muddied by your sister’s threats.

Take back control of the situation. Tell your husband otherwise she's got power over you for ever.

Did you know she was recording you at the time ? Isn't that also illegal as well as using it to blackmail you?

How long has this been going on? Do you really want to live with this hanging over you?

Explain to dh then log it with the police who will probably just call her advise her to delete it

I have a nightmare sister who I am now nc with who logged a complaint against me with the police not for blackmailing her though and they advised me they gave her the option to just log it or log it and call me. Which is what she chose. All got cleared up very quickly when I explained the full situation why I did what I did and on whose advice I had followed they apologised for wasting my time and i apologised on her behalf for her wasting there time

Why can't you do preempt her and tell him? Take her power away.

Surely if your relation has always been strained, your DH is already aware of this and would see her as an unreliable source.

This sounds like blackmail and is illegal. Talk to your DH and you may be surprised how understanding he is. He will be aware of your strained relationship with DSis. Cut all ties with her, that type of behavior is despicable.

Recording a conversation is not illegal. And it is highly unlikely the police would be interested in an inter-sibling spat which does not meet the fairly narrow criteria for blackmail in law. Basically, OP is on her own.

Blackmail is a crime. Go to the Police.

The obvious thing to do is talk to your DH privately and give him all the context. Apologise to him and explain what's happening.
Then tell her to go fck herself.

That is what I would do. My DH is pretty reasonable though I don't imagine there's anything I could say that he wouldn't understand.

Think you should tell her you are going to report her. What she is doing is a crime.

Are you even allowed to record someone without their permission?

Blackmail is a serious criminal offence in the UK, strictly defined and prohibited by law. Under Section 21 of the Theft Act 1968, blackmail is described as “making an unwarranted demand with menaces” with the intent to gain something or cause loss to another.

report her to the police

don’t even threaten it

just do it

I would play her at her own game. Have another conversation asking her not to share, but record it yourself

Then I would tell DH, because that way you can explain it was out of context and I would play the recording of her threatening you with blackmail

This is genius!

If you give in to her, it makes you look guilty

I would tell her to get out of your pub.

Call her bluff. Tell DH and report this Blaxkmail to police s. To support your claim that it's fake/out of context the police report should show your DH that it's her being a dick.

This will be one of those threads where the OP writes once or twice and then never again….

Agree with pps that it depends what it is that you are saying, but generally the best thing is just to get it sorted out, explain the situation to your DH. If it’s genuinely the context that makes it sound so awful then explain that.
Eg “ I snogged Dave “ vs “when I was 16 I snogged Dave” .

Get ahead of the game by telling DH your side first, and explain why what she has is out of context. That way you and he can try and resolve it without her putting her size nines, in and when she does she won’t get the reaction she expects