DSis threatening to destroy my family with secret recording what do I do?

[InsufficantLizard]

NC for this because it’s beyond messy, and I feel sick even typing it.

Long story short, DSis and I have always had a strained relationship, but we were civil for the sake of DM. Well, that’s out the window now. She’s been holding onto a secret recording of me saying something (out of context, obviously) that could genuinely ruin my marriage and family life if it got out. She’s now threatening to send it to DH and possibly others unless I do what she wants (not going into details, but it’s completely unreasonable).

I feel like I’m in a nightmare. DH would be absolutely gutted if he heard it, even though I swear it’s not what it sounds like. I don’t know whether to try and reason with her (unlikely to work), preemptively tell DH (but risk blowing everything up myself), or just wait and see if she actually does it.

For context, DSis has always been a bit of a drama queen, but this is next level. I just don’t understand how my own sister could be so cruel.

What would you do? Anyone been in a similar situation? Handhold needed, please. I feel sick. 😞

What is it she wants from you in order to keep this recording to herself?

Can you give us a comparable indication of what you said.

For example if your sister recorded you saying

"I'd definitely shag Paul" (who is your DH best mate)
Within the context of playing 'Shag/Marry/Throw off a cliff' then you can explain that to DH who should understand it was just silliness.

If it was something that reveals part of your personality that you'd rather he didn't know or would find offensive - you'll need to take it on the chin and say that although it has been taken out of context, you are ashamed/regret saying it and offer an apology.

But no matter what it is, you CANNOT let your sister control this narrative. Sort it out with your DH but don't tell her. You can then give her the rope to hang herself. Say you refuse to be blackmailed and let her show her true colours to your DH by trying to destroy your marriage. This obviously only works if your DH will back you and tell her what a poisonous bitch she is, but that's the route I would take.

Admit it OP. It really is that bad.

I suspect that if you said here what it was you would be getting a vastly different response.

There are 2 ways to deal with blackmail.

1. Give in to their demands. They will come back for ever with increasing demands
2. Tell the people concerned what is about to come out. Trust that they believe you. Then see what happens.

Without context it's difficult to say. I would go for 2, and explain why you are telling them.

if it’s something like one of the kids is someone else’s or you’ve had an affair you should come clean and hope for the best . Otherwise this ‘ thing ‘ will hang over you forever .

Not RTFT but I’d be straight in touch with the police about the blackmail. She’ll shit herself. The evil poisonous cow.

I don't think you have any option but to come clean to your husband and tell him everything. And then just hope for the best.

Otherwise you will have this hanging over you forever. She could easily have duplicated the recording so you will never have a guarantee that she can't pop back up in a year or 5 years or 20 years and blackmail you again.

And if your husband finds out whatever it is you've said/done via a recording sent from your sister, after you've met her demands, he's never in a million years going to believe anything you say. You'll look guilty as fuck if you've given in to blackmail.

You have to tell him.

Depending on where you live, recording someone without consent and using it to blackmail them could be illegal.

Hello sister 👋

Absolutely pointless thread without any context. Ironic really!

All you can do is tell him. Explain it in its true context. Then go absolutely NC with your sister.

And also this ☝️

Straight after I told my husband, I'd be taking all written evidence to the police.

The the sister would be coming back for more and more forever. Try to record her blackmailing you, making sure you make her sound as bad as possible, keep all messages etc and then pre-empt her by telling your OH first.

This - she is potentially committing a criminal offence.

No! How does that help? She still has the recording to use next time. Once she knows it works the demands will get worse.

You really need to get ahead of her and tell your DH the full story.

If t’s not as bad as she is making it sound then make sure you explain clearly and honestly.

Never give in to blackmail, because once you do, the demands will escalate. You need to tell your husband, as hard as that may be and tell him that she's trying to blackmail you. The recording is taken out of context and her goal is to destroy your marriage and family. You will then need to see what the consequences are. No point in reasoning with her, that's not going to work. She has a hold over you, and that is given her ultimate power over the situation. Telling your husband means, taking away her power and the hold she has. My guess is that your sister is extremely jealous of you, and destroying your family life would give her a sense of satisfaction. She's unhinged, cruel and a very nasty person.

If you tell us what it is, likely people can offer you good ways to explain it/get round it.

I don’t understand the panic OP. If it’s not that bad with the context then just tell your husband with the context?

Same. I think OP knows that too. It is bad and there is no context within which it’s ok.

Firstly, how did she get a recording of whatever you said?
Without details of what you said, why it would potentially destroy your family and what she’s wanting from you then I’m not sure that anyone can properly advise you here.

I guess you're the sister - your sister should report you to the police, and let the ramifications of that affect your life, job, reputation and family instead of hers.

I'd record her blackmailing you and contact the police...

Has she put any of this in writing? If so I'd remind her that blackmail is a crime, and you'll go to the police if she doesn't drop it, or releases the video because you've not done what she is trying to get you to do

Tell your DH, suck it up. He'll find out eventually, once you sister has a tool she can use to manipulate you then the demands will increase in time until it's untenable and then he'll find out.

If your sister is extorting you for money, I'd phone the police.