DSis threatening to destroy my family with secret recording what do I do?

[InsufficantLizard]

NC for this because it’s beyond messy, and I feel sick even typing it.

Long story short, DSis and I have always had a strained relationship, but we were civil for the sake of DM. Well, that’s out the window now. She’s been holding onto a secret recording of me saying something (out of context, obviously) that could genuinely ruin my marriage and family life if it got out. She’s now threatening to send it to DH and possibly others unless I do what she wants (not going into details, but it’s completely unreasonable).

I feel like I’m in a nightmare. DH would be absolutely gutted if he heard it, even though I swear it’s not what it sounds like. I don’t know whether to try and reason with her (unlikely to work), preemptively tell DH (but risk blowing everything up myself), or just wait and see if she actually does it.

For context, DSis has always been a bit of a drama queen, but this is next level. I just don’t understand how my own sister could be so cruel.

What would you do? Anyone been in a similar situation? Handhold needed, please. I feel sick. 😞

And the next time and the time after that. You do know people then have power over you.

How far would you go to not upset your family

Murder, kidnapping, Armed Robbery?

This is scenario my friend who has one child would cite at people who have always been onto her 'why don't you have another child, to give your lovely daughter a sister so they would be there for each other when you die'.

Time to use the rise of AI to your benefit. Pretty much anything can be faked these days, and voice recordings are one of the easier ones. For example, the "recording" of Kier Starmer berating a staff member that came out last year.

Just deny you ever said it, that it's not you in the recording.

Although personally I'd be going to the police. She's committing a crime by blackmailing you.

Do as MintViper suggests. Once you have put dear sister back in her box have nothing more to do with her. If she'll do this to you, she'll do worse and enjoy it. Shut her out.

I wholeheartedly agree that you should try and get her recorded blackmailing you. And you MUST tell your husband. Tell him she's edited a silly conversation to make it sound bad and is trying to destroy your marriage out of jealousy, because it seems that might be her problem. Otherwise why would she do it ?? What does she want from you... money?? What?? REPORT HER TO THE POLICE !!!! If you're willing to go to the police you're husband would surely support you and realise she's being a vile, evil psychopath!!! How low can one person sink... blackmailing her own sister.

this. Also IMO giving in or dithering makes you look more guilty and takes away more of your opportunity for any control. You are more likely to be believed over the out of context thing if you go in hard with flaming righteous "how dare you" anger than if you give in to blackmail. Giving in to blackmail looks like you are guilty and know it.

Do not do this. It won't shut it down, instead your sister will have more of a hold over you because she will know you lied.

If it was said out of context and not that bad then I think you’d be silly not to tell DH.

You do realise if your horrid sister does send the clip, you’re going to be made out a whole lot worse because DH is going to wonder why you kept it from him?

If your DH would rather take your sisters side than believe his wife who promises it was taken out of context, that’s on him

Everyone saying pretend it was AI, try and brush it under the carpet etc

You do realise it’s going to make things WORSE for OP when it comes to light.

If OP claims it was out of context and not that bad, just bloody tell DH!

Police
Blackmail is an offence
Tell your dh and family and tell them what she's threatening and that it's totally being taken out of context

To the people telling the OP to report her sister to the police... unless the sister is asking for money or threatening violence, I really don't think they'll do anything. The legal definition of blackmail is different from everyday usage of the term. The police can't get involved every time someone says "If you don't do X, I'll do Y" to a family member.

OP, you're going to have to give us a fuller picture before we can advise you. I'm stumped by what you could possibly have said that can't be explained away by context.

Just read your posts.

Find and destroy the recording. I assume she has played it to you so you are sure it exists?

Record her attempt at blackmail and tell the police.

Tell your husband that your sister made a recording that she has edited to make it sound worse.

Tell your dh. Then she loses the power. Do not speak to her ever again.

It depends on what kind of marriage you have, but if it was me I’d tell my husband that she has an old recording of me that she thinks would upset him and she’s threatening to send it to him. If he knows what she’s like he’d have my back and delete anything she sends without needing to know what it was. If he asked, I’d say the general topic of it (he’d probably guess anyway because there’s only a small number of things it could be really if it genuinely is innocent) and that’d be that.

She’ll use it again, if you give her what she wants.

Rip the bandaid off, and talk to your oh.

Depending on your relationship, I’d consider asking oh to contact her and ask for the recording. Then him not listen to it. This way she things he has, and her power is removed.

I would act totally surprised and congratulate dsis for being an excellent editor then back it up with the context of the conversation she must have recorded and heavily edited

I would not say a single word to her again as you don’t know what she is recording. Or if you have to speak to her answer her with no reference to what she is talking about

Eg if she says she is going to send the recording to your dh if you don’t do something answer with

“Oh it was a lovely day out”. Then tell her she is breaking up and you will talk again soon and get cut off mid sentence

Or if in person carry on the conversation about your day out when she asks anything

Tell your husband. If you don't it looks like you are keeping things from him and have something to hide. You can't control how he'll react. You can control some of the impact and the control and manipulation from your sister by bringing this into the light.

Yep 👍

Tell your husband. Why wouldn't he believe you?

I’d report her for blackmail .

Honestly, your best bet is to tell your husband whatever it is she is holding over you before your sister does. If you don't, she'll be holding this over your head for the rest of your life.

Once you've done this, you could also consider escalating to the police, as what she's doing is blackmail, which is a crime. But tell your husband first.

You need to take her power away.

You say it’s out of context. Sit your DH down and tell him you said something in the moment that out of context doesn’t sound good. That it might be hurtful and he might be upset and angry and you are sorry. Then tell your sister to fuck off.

You don’t say what you’ve said so hard to advise…. But if your relationship is a good one you can get through this.

The only sensible way out of this is to tell your DH. Otherwise she’ll hold it over you forever. And if you have evidence, let her know you’re reporting her to the police.

Oh and stop messaging her. She cannot be trusted with what you say.