To say that my DD can't have violin lessons.

[user1471516498]

My DD (10) has been offered free violin lessons in school as she did well in an aptitude test. I don't know much about music, but I have read that learning an instrument can be beneficial with schoolwork generally even if it isn't taken to a high level.
The only problem is that we live in a terraced house. My sister learned violin when I was a child, and I remember the noise being horrendous, and our neighbours banging on the walls and swearing at us. I used to be absolutely mortified as a teenager, so maybe this is colouring my view.
Part of me wants to give her the opportunity, but I am leaning towards the conclusion that it might be a better life lesson in consideration and politeness if I say no.
I was going to compromise by saying that she could play at school but no playing allowed at home, but from what I have read, that would be pointless.
I just feel so guilty, because I wish we lived in a detached house so that she could learn an instrument if she wanted to. However in reality she needs to learn that she cannot impose her noise on other people around her.

I’d let her play but only at set times that are not unsociable

I learned the violin and the noise was so bad that my parents didn't like me practising either. Now I look back and think they should have encouraged it.

I think it's a bit mean not to let her do it - what if music becomes her passion? But you do have to balance that with the reality of your situation.

Most instruments don't sound terrible forever though!

Music practice is part of everyday household noise. If you keep it to 20-30 minutes at a sociable hour there is no reason to have a problem with it. Sounds like you had unpleasant neighbours and your daughter shouldn't miss out because of that. It's not like you're buying a drum kit.

As long as she's practicing at reasonable hours and not for an excessive amount of time I'd let her. Hearing neighbour noise is just part of living in a terrace, she shouldn't have to miss out because of it. It's only a violin, not a drum set or amplified electric guitar.

Can she practice during break/lunchtime at school? Or warn and agree a time with the neighbours?

Violin doesn’t sound awful forever.

she’d need to practise for about 10-15 mins each day. Could you drop notes round to the neighbours explaining and saying when she’ll be practising?

it seems ott to stop her practising on that basis.

At the start, practise should be 10 minutes a day. That’s all. Time it well, I’d suggest as close to getting home from school as possible, so it’s not spoiling anyone’s evening. It’s acceptable noise in a terraced house.

You can get a device that fits on the bridge that dampens the sound.

I think you're being a bit silly! Imagine a world where only kids who live in detached houses can have music lessons!

Let her have the lessons and ensure she practises a socially acceptable amount at a socially acceptable time. Your DD can have a lesson in the violin and consideration.

A life lesson in consideration would be practicing at set times and an agreement needed on getting better

Please let her play violin if she wants to it’s a wonderful thing to learn and a great hobby if she enjoys it, just limit the time and keep it in daytime

The noise is awful when they start.

But if they get good... it is beautiful.

Lots of things make noise... its better than having to listen to a bass from a sound system for example. Or a thudding basketball.

I live in a terraced house, DD learns the violin, it's really not a big deal. Like others have said, 10-15 mins practice a day is fine at the start.

I think what you're actually teaching her there is that everyone else's rights trump hers! 15 minutes practice a day at a reasonable time such as after school is completely fine.

My only reservation would be if you already know you have horrible neighbours that will kick up a fuss, in which case you might feel it's too much of a risk to kick the wasps' nest.

Could you talk to your neighbours in advance and ask what times would be least disruptive for practice?

I think it would be unreasonable for you to say no because you think the neighbours might theoretically be able to hear her. Yes, it’s more likely in a terrace but it’s more to do with the extent to which sound travels through the walls (we’re in a semi but it’s the drum playing from the detached side we can hear!). Are the walls so thin you can hear lots in your neighbours’ houses? Have you / they commented on noise before? But it would be unreasonable to stop her taking up something she may have an aptitude for based on guesswork / experience in an different time and place and even more to try and crowbar it in as a “lesson learned”. Just be considerate about when she practices if there is an issue.

Absolutely don’t stop your embarrassment from letting her have this opportunity.
we live in a flat and the kids - and I - practice our instruments. We do it at reasonable hours though and I check in with the neighbours. I try to time mine for when the washing machine is on!!

If she passed an aptitude test, she will have a good ear and at 10, if she practises regularly she will progress quickly. These days they can play along to apps and you tube so it is even easier to learn to play in tune. And the violin isn’t even a loud instrument! Let her try if she wants to and just not practise very early morning or late at night.
Also you can actually get electric violins too now. So with a headset. But I have no idea if that is a good idea or not, you would have to ask the teacher.

Please encourage her. Learning to play an instrument is so beneficial to children who want to play. Practice as soon as she gets in from school for 10/15 minutes will be enough daily to begin with anyway.

I’m all for being considerate of others…..but not to the detriment of yourself / your family to that extent.

agree with a pp that music practice is a part of daily life. In short bursts and at sociable hours is fine.

If people can’t handle that, it’s them that should be living in a detached house, not you.

I'm baffled that you would deny your daughter this opportunity for such a reason. There's being considerate and there's being a mug...

Obviously don't let her practice at night or for hours on end. Aside from that I hope she enjoys the lessons.

You will regret it if you do not allow the lessons. It’s a great opportunity for her esp as she shows aptitude. A bit of noise is a small price to pay, and your neighbours will probably have earphones on or the TV on loud. You could always mention it to them and apologise in advance!

This is silly.

My DS learned violin and we live in a terraced house.

There were no problems and it's not like she has to play it really loud 😳

Please do not deny your DD this opportunity. Fewer and fewer children in state schools have the chance to learn an instrument. If a child has real musical ability, making music will stay with them through their lives. It opens doors to friendships and foreign travel. It correlates with higher attainment across the curriculum. Talk to your neighbours and explain. Daily practice is only ten or 15 minutes to start with. You will need to bite your lip and not do what my (otherwise wonderful) dad did and make jocular comments about cats fighting on roofs. I gave up as a result and still regret it 50+ years later. DD on the other hand began the trumpet in Y4, which led to piano, classical singing and cello.

Sorry OP but if I had to listen to your daughter practicing Violin every evening I would reciprocate by allowing DS to practice his (electronic) drum kit and bass guitar without insisting he puts his headphones on.

Consideration is only given where it works both ways.