To say that my DD can't have violin lessons.

[user1471516498]

My DD (10) has been offered free violin lessons in school as she did well in an aptitude test. I don't know much about music, but I have read that learning an instrument can be beneficial with schoolwork generally even if it isn't taken to a high level.
The only problem is that we live in a terraced house. My sister learned violin when I was a child, and I remember the noise being horrendous, and our neighbours banging on the walls and swearing at us. I used to be absolutely mortified as a teenager, so maybe this is colouring my view.
Part of me wants to give her the opportunity, but I am leaning towards the conclusion that it might be a better life lesson in consideration and politeness if I say no.
I was going to compromise by saying that she could play at school but no playing allowed at home, but from what I have read, that would be pointless.
I just feel so guilty, because I wish we lived in a detached house so that she could learn an instrument if she wanted to. However in reality she needs to learn that she cannot impose her noise on other people around her.

I actually play the violin as an adult. I started learning at 8ish and kept going till I was 16, did 5 grades, joined an orchestra as an adult for a few years. Very recently started lessons again, love it. My parents didn't support or motivate me to do anything musical, I even had a scholarship to study at a music school and they wouldn't let me go. So that was my musical career over. Anyway, my point is, you should let her give it a go. I very much doubt she'll be practising all hours, probably once a week for 20 minutes the day before her lesson! Music is excellent for contributing towards other areas of learning like maths, attention, working in teams, languages.

A mute

What a wonderful opportunity- please let her have a go. We live in a terraced house and DS was keen to learn violin and started aged 6. Ok it wasn’t great at first (and, as others have suggested, he only practiced for short periods during normal hours). Fast forward several years and he still plays, aged 21. He plays in his uni orchestra and has recently discovered folk - plays in pub sessions and a ceilidh band. It gives him so much pleasure. It’s lovely to hear too.

I absolutely would let her learn the violin.

But I'd check if she only has aptitude for the violin and if she's just generally musical and the lessons could be in something else, then maybe pick an instrument that can be plugged in with headphones. One of my DDs plays our electric piano and it is much quieter than the other's violin.

How about having her practice on an electric violin at home with the volume low?

Agree, you aren't teaching her consideration you are teaching her to submit her own wants and aptitudes for a perceived inconvenience to someone else.

Keep it to sociable times, and it's fine. If someone complains then reach a compromise but don't cut off her opportunities in order to placate people who may or may not get annoyed if they hear her practicing.

We're in a semi detached house and kids play various instruments, including violin. Son is grade 2, he's never sounded awful for long - sometimes you cringe as they learn a piece and then he gets it and it's lovely. My neighbours have a piano, I hear them practice. It's life.

Violín mutes are low cost on Amazon , the type that reduces the sound the most are the “practice mute” that go across the whole bridge (rather than the smaller circular ones). The rubber type are better than metal for ease of use, and they soften the sound enough and don’t risk any damage to the instrument. Your daughter could use that for extra long sessions, but as most people say, 15 minutes per day shouldn’t be an issue for anyone. Playing without the mute is better for her learning but any minutes playing with or without a mute will be helpful and fun, hope she enjoys and finds a life long hobby x

If you let her then you have to embrace it. I was very talented in an instrument and my family were awful about the noise so you can imagine how that ended up.

You’d be denying her a great opportunity here but do double check it’s the violin that she truly wants to learn

I can think of a lot worse neighbor sounds than a violin - she is 100% allowed

barking dog
loud tv
sex noises
old guy hacking up phlegm
alarm clocks or smoke alarms blaring
crying baby
trampoline
creep smoking out the window

etc
etc

She will if she’s got a good teacher, and has the aptitude for it!

Thank goodness we are not neighbours.

i also didnt want violin practice,
and suggested cello

It’s fine! Just practice early evening, not late at night or 6am. Totally normal. It doesn’t even sound that bad and gets better fast.

Hopefully the rubber mute will mean that she can practise at home, so the neighbour can concentrate on complaining about us flushing the toilet at night!

Frankly, if your neighbours are that bad, there is no point in trying to please them! Free music lessons are an amazing opportunity.

I’d sooner hear a squawky violin for a few minutes per day than thump thump “music”. Let your neighbours know in advance and I’m sure they’ll appreciate you doing that.

Let her do it. Warn the neighbours, but say it will only be for an hour between 5 and 6 or something. At least it's not a trumpet.

Don’t teach a young girl to dumb down her potential for others. Don’t teach girls to be seen and not heard. Absolutely encourage skills and hobbies!

We did loads of music in a terrace growing up. Our neighbours were too busy shouting and swearing at each other to notice!

I learned the violin for one term, then suddenly my mum said that the lessons were not available anymore.....

15-20 minutes when you’re straight in from school sounds reasonable. Most people will still be out at work at that time and if they’re not it’s a completely sociably acceptable time for a tiny bit of extra noise. It’s not as if she’s going to doing it for hours at a time and at 10pm at night.

Oh gosh dont sacrifice an opportunity that could, in a best-case scenario, enrich your daughter’s entire world for the rest of her life…. because you’re worried about potentially slightly inconveniencing your neighbours for half an hour a day! If she does want to do it, I mean.

She may or may not get into violin long-term, but if you don’t let her try you’ll never know.

And “my mum wouldn’t let me pursue my interest in music because she was worried about what the neighbours might think” is not the kind of thing any adult says fondly when they remember their childhood…

It’s selfish not to let her learn. She may have a real skill for violin and you don’t want to give her that opportunity because of the noise?!

The only thing she'll learn if you say no is that classical music isn't for people like her.

It's ten minutes each day, finish by 6.30pm or 7pm (depends upon whether your neighbours work and your hours) and it'll be fine. And wear ear filters/headphones to hide your dislike of the sound.

YABU. You must have had horrendous neighbours as a child. I played violin and it's not that loud. Just have her practise at sensible hours. It's not as if she'll be practising for hours a day. It's a wonderful opportunity for her.

Let her play - it’s a great gift and a bit of throughftfullness should mark it possible

music shouldn’t just be for those rich enough for big detached houses

Of course your DD should do violin lessons.

Otherwise you are saying that her needs don’t matter.

By the way, beginners violin is not an awful sound.. People who don’t play always say this. Just make sure it’s tuned.