To say that my DD can't have violin lessons.

[user1471516498]

My DD (10) has been offered free violin lessons in school as she did well in an aptitude test. I don't know much about music, but I have read that learning an instrument can be beneficial with schoolwork generally even if it isn't taken to a high level.
The only problem is that we live in a terraced house. My sister learned violin when I was a child, and I remember the noise being horrendous, and our neighbours banging on the walls and swearing at us. I used to be absolutely mortified as a teenager, so maybe this is colouring my view.
Part of me wants to give her the opportunity, but I am leaning towards the conclusion that it might be a better life lesson in consideration and politeness if I say no.
I was going to compromise by saying that she could play at school but no playing allowed at home, but from what I have read, that would be pointless.
I just feel so guilty, because I wish we lived in a detached house so that she could learn an instrument if she wanted to. However in reality she needs to learn that she cannot impose her noise on other people around her.

We have all these in my block of flats and more (crying baby is actually us)! It’s all part of living in flats or a terrace and decent people accept that. Anyone who would actually complain about a kid practising an instrument in the late afternoon/early evening is so thoroughly unreasonable you shouldn’t care what they think anyway.

Let her play. Practice will be fairly short until she has got good.

You can get a mute for a violin. If the neighbors do hear it and have a problem this is a cheap fix.

It is a great opportunity with so many benefits.

If you don’t let her the life lesson will be that she must turn down opportunities in case of offending others.

Yes this, a little communication would go a long way. Or make sure they have your mobile number and tell them to text if she starts and it's not a good time for whatever reason. Feeling like they are included is likely to make it less annoying for them even if they never have to ask you to stop.

If it was a trumpet or drums I might give a different answer though!

Having said that when we were students we used to play our band in the big front bedroom in the evening and the next door just used to hammer on the wall between songs if it was too late in the evening so we stopped for the day.

I put the kibosh on violin but let my son play the viola...a world of difference on my nerves! Much easier to listen to, lol.

Don’t they only need to practise about 15 minutes per day when they first start? Do the neighbours work from home? Because as soon as she gets back from school could be a good time.

How much does she want to play? It’s she feeling really passionate about it? If so, she will be motivated to practise and she will learn quickly… and one day she might play beautifully!
A massive part of my childhood was playing the violin, I absolutely loved it. I played with orchestras, travelled to different countries, met some wonderful people. It made my childhood really rich! As others have said, encourage her to practise earlier in the evening and to be aware of the neighbours, but don’t let this dampen down her enjoyment.
Also please really try not to project your feelings about your sister onto your daughter - she’ll want to play for you and if she sees worried/irritated expressions on your face it will really put her off and ruin the whole experience. “Horrendous” is a big word to describe the noise (which can be scratchy and annoying granted) - I wonder if other stuff is wrapped up in that for you. Also now you are in the mother/not sister position so you can respond differently. Maybe it was the horrible sweary (scary) next door neighbour who was horrendous, but that then got all mixed together with the sound of the violin in your mind…?
Also show her videos of wonderful violinists… Nigel Kennedy playing 4 seasons, Nicola Benedetti (sp?) etc etc…. this could be something which gives her joy throughout her life if she gets a chance

could you get an electric violin? That way she can wear headphones and practice to her hearts content.

Is the neighbour who complains out at a regular time? For example do they work? Could practice time be straight after school so before the neighbour might get home?

Get the lessons! Can she practice at the bottom of the garden or do you have a garage or a family members house? The dampner thing looks good! They also don't need to practice every day, couple times a week. All our kids play instruments, I never had the opportunity growing up. DD started off with violin, DS with cello. Now instead they play guitar, bass, drums, piano & we have all them in the house. No neighbour complaints so far

My dad was like this. Many years later my dad told me a few times he felt guilty about it. I was like (in my head) "nah dad, you were right, I was shit at it!"

I hope you let her take the lessons. It won't sound 'terrible' for long.

I've seen bagpipe players practice in a parking lot away from houses... I always thought that was kinda cool.

Having said what I said above. I would have loved to have been good at it, so I wouldn't deny your child if you can. Especially if they look likely to have an aptitude.

Don't prevent her from doing it and don't use daft ideas of 'life lesson' to assuage your guilt over it. Just talk to the neighbours and keep practice reasonable. I would much rather put up with 30 minutes of a child practicing a musical instrument than full days of dogs barking facilitated by grown adults. Even if the neighbours are dicks, it will most likely be reasonable noise anyway.

YABU
Why not just mention it to your neighbour and ask them what time would suit them best. They might not even hear it that much.

Just had a chat with DD about this, and we had a look at the letter together. (I posted the OP before I had looked at it in detail).
It turns out that the school offers singing lessons as well. This suits DD down to the ground because she goes to performing arts lessons on Saturdays. I am guessing that she would be more motivated to practice an Instrument that she has chosen.
Thanks for the help and encouragement - now just have to deal with the bitch next door. You are inspiring me to be rebellious and double flush the toilet to wind her up- and get DD to do a double flush in the name of empowerment!

Try a cello. The tone is lower and less screechy and offensive.

You can get a practice mute for the violin which makes it much quieter.

Just keep the practice to say before 6pm. It’s reasonable household noise, especially if she’s not practising more than an hour or so a day. I’d tread carefully with any kind of practice mute. I don’t know the violin specifically but I know for some instruments they can be detrimental to development.

My daughter started playing violin at 9. Her practice has never been awful even from day 1. If they have a good ear it is not the dreadful noise that people think it is.
Please give your daughter this opportunity. Classical music is increasingly elite and we need to encourage more diversity. Encourage her to play at home just during suitable times. Look at Benedetti foundation for help and support.

Let her do it but practice must be limited to between 8am (later at the weekend!) and 7pm

don’t deny her this chance… music is a wonderful thing.
also… you don’t want her to be me…learning the flute as an adult is so hard and I have spent some time silently raging (at my now deceased) parents!

Goodness, let her play! She has a right to take this learning opportunity, which inconveniences nobody. It’s no worse than having the radio on.

Do encourage your DD to try this new venture. Learning an instrument is so much more - there are so many transferable skills and learning to read music now will be so good for her.
Agree with PPs that she should practise at sensible times.

It's part of her education - she has a right to this opportunity, and it's very unusual now to have free lessons. She and you are very lucky! Don't turn this down!

Your neighbours can put up with 15-20 minutes a day.

You can buy a mute to dampen the strings. If she improves quickly she won't sound bad for long.

Music can be completely transformative. A school friend reached Grade 8 on trumpet, growing up in a tiny terraced house - they met their partner in an orchestra at college.

I don’t play violin but my dd plays and it has never really sounded awful.

When she first started, I took her to a local luthier recommended by her teacher and they customised a violin for her (a hindersine 1/2 with upgraded d’addario strings). The hindersine has a nice warm tone and the strings made it sound even better, even for a 1/2. The bigger the violin gets as she ages, the better it will sound as well. It cost £150 second hand for the set, so not cheap but not overly expensive. We upgraded to a 3/4 this year by trading in her old one.
Obviously if I bought a cheap student violin with the standard strings on it, it would probably sound worse, as the sound of the violin is really dependent on the size of the instrument, quality of the wood and the Strings used as well as the bow.

I also feel that sometimes buying a cheap violin is a false economy; because they sound squeaky the child thinks they aren’t progressing and gives up, when it’s the instrument and not their technique or sound. This Christmas she asked for an electric violin, so she has a 3/4 electric to practice in her bedroom, which is much better for the sound since she uses headphones, although not the technique (but she thinks it makes all the popular music she learns “sound cool”)

If you don’t want to go to the expense, just persevere with the squeaky sound until the violin is upgraded as she ages and she sticks with it but I think it’s an amazing opportunity to learn. And there are options to get around the “squeaky sound” as they first learn.