To say that my DD can't have violin lessons.

[user1471516498]

My DD (10) has been offered free violin lessons in school as she did well in an aptitude test. I don't know much about music, but I have read that learning an instrument can be beneficial with schoolwork generally even if it isn't taken to a high level.
The only problem is that we live in a terraced house. My sister learned violin when I was a child, and I remember the noise being horrendous, and our neighbours banging on the walls and swearing at us. I used to be absolutely mortified as a teenager, so maybe this is colouring my view.
Part of me wants to give her the opportunity, but I am leaning towards the conclusion that it might be a better life lesson in consideration and politeness if I say no.
I was going to compromise by saying that she could play at school but no playing allowed at home, but from what I have read, that would be pointless.
I just feel so guilty, because I wish we lived in a detached house so that she could learn an instrument if she wanted to. However in reality she needs to learn that she cannot impose her noise on other people around her.

We live in a terrace and had two violin players…practising was done early evening. Went in from about age 7 to 14. It was fine - we just didn’t allow mornings (as in early before school) or late. Helped that the neighbours worked and didn’t get home until about 6pm. Don’t put her off because of the housing.

I learnt violin and grew up in a terraced house. The house next door was empty for while and the neighbour on the other side could hear me. And said it was lovely to hear me play.

We live in a terrace now and DD1 plays the violin and DS plays the trumpet. They practise at sociable hours and we've never had a complaint.

Let her learn. It won’t take long for her to improve.

I live in a terrace and my dc play a variety of instruments during office hours I.e. 9 - 6pm & we've never had complaints. Don't be so shortsighted in denying her free lessons as your dd will benefit so much from them.

Let her practice a certain amount of time, say twice a week for half an hr. You could ask your neighbor about a good time for them. I wouldn't take this opportunity away from her. She may also be able to practice away from home if she gets serious.

Most people don't live in detached houses and yet have been playing music since forever. It's just normal household noise. Let her have lessons. It's a wonderful opportunity.

This sounds promising. Can you tell me whatbit is called?

If she’s anything like my kids she won’t practice at all anyway 🤦🏻‍♀️

Ask the neighbours?

I didn't know half the tunes my DS started playing so I had no idea whether he was good or not.

Then one day he played the theme tune to Eastenders and I was well impressed! 🤣👏

say twice a week for half an hr.

That's not enough. I wouldn't agree a schedule in advance with the neighbours either - she needs to practice when it suits her. Just don't do it after 8pm. Tell them before she gets it that she's having lessons and so needs to practice at home, but to let you know if it's disturbing them. Then crack on.

A rubber practice mute. There are also regular mutes that get used to change the sound character, which would help a bit but not as much as a practice mute.

(You can also get metal ones, but if they fall off they can damage the instrument)

It's a mute and I wouldn't use it to start off because it doesn't just make the instrument quieter, it also alters the resonance. She needs to clearly hear what she is doing.

Just to add that at least half the school orchestra lived in the surrounding council estate, in tower blocks.

It couldn't have caused much in the way of problems or they wouldn't have got so good by senior school.

Speak to your neighbours about it. See what they say. Perhaps you can agree set times/days. I am not good with noise but I could manage if I knew when and how long it was going to last.

My DDs learning violin and we are in a terrace. This never really occurred to me! She doesn't practice for long, maybe ten minutes or so 3 times a week, and not early or late. To be honest the sound has never been awful, I remember my sister sounding like a strangled cat! Ds is learning drums... He's got an electric set but still!

I live in a terraced house and I'd be ashamed to make a fuss about a child learning to play an instrument. I'd be mortified if I thought you were preventing her from doing this for me. I wish I'd learned an instrument as a child. Don't deprive her of this opportunity.

Are your neighbours selfish people? On both sides? In all day? I am a people pleaser but even if the answer is yes, I'd soundproof where I could and choose reasonable times but absolutely would crack on.

Agree with this. It would be ok to use when practicing eg fingering patterns or scales down the line but not something to use as a matter of course.

When my DDs started we lived in a flat, in a terraced house. They made the most atrocious sounds but our neighbours never complained. We can't have musicians if people stop children from learning and practising musical instruments.

Please let your DD learn the violin, it's a beautiful instrument. There are so many benefits! If she keeps it up she may even find a junior orchestra to play with later.

Thank you, I will look into that. I do want her to have lessons, but, as some people guessed, we have horrible neighbours on one side, who could start a fight in an empty room.
Hopefully the rubber mute will mean that she can practise at home, so the neighbour can concentrate on complaining about us flushing the toilet at night!

If that's your attitude, and if I'd done everything I could to keep my daughter's practice as quiet and well timed as possible, I'd just have to shrug my shoulders and accept it. I'd still prefer her to have the opportunity.

Maybe they could practice at the same time

Christ. I think you should prioritise what is a wonderful opportunity for your daughter above some potential mild inconvenience for your neighbours.

Just keep it to sensible hours!

My dd plus drums, she tends to stick to a schedule but I gave my number to the neighbours and told them to text if its ever disturbing them or inconvenient. It's worked fine.

I am strongly pro-music - it is the biggest passion and joy in my life. As PP have said, one violin for a few minutes a day is hardly very much to put up with. If you think your neighbours are likely to
make a fuss maybe you could consider at what time DD practises - do they leave for work quite early, well before DD goes to school? Get back into the evening long after DD gets back? Go away quite a lot? Also, does your home have any kind of area eg a bathroom extension which does not directly adjoin the other house? Perhaps DD could practise there.
Do you really hear your neighbours much - TV? Radio? Sound system? If not, then they won’t hear your DD. Also, it is worth bearing in mind that airborne noise like a violin travels less and differently to impact noise like a ball being repeatedly bounced or vibration like a washing machine spinning.
I have been to concerts given by an organisation called Music Masters which specialises in giving instrumental lessons to pupils in state schools and the results are astounding (this may even be the organisation working with your DD’s school). However what your DD stands to get out of learning an instrument is far more than a skill or even possibly a career, it is a social opportunity and constructive activity that can make a young person’s life so much better than it might otherwise have been and, in many cases, stay with them throughout adulthood. Please do
not deny your DD that opportunity.

Well aren’t you a delight.