To say that my DD can't have violin lessons.

[user1471516498]

My DD (10) has been offered free violin lessons in school as she did well in an aptitude test. I don't know much about music, but I have read that learning an instrument can be beneficial with schoolwork generally even if it isn't taken to a high level.
The only problem is that we live in a terraced house. My sister learned violin when I was a child, and I remember the noise being horrendous, and our neighbours banging on the walls and swearing at us. I used to be absolutely mortified as a teenager, so maybe this is colouring my view.
Part of me wants to give her the opportunity, but I am leaning towards the conclusion that it might be a better life lesson in consideration and politeness if I say no.
I was going to compromise by saying that she could play at school but no playing allowed at home, but from what I have read, that would be pointless.
I just feel so guilty, because I wish we lived in a detached house so that she could learn an instrument if she wanted to. However in reality she needs to learn that she cannot impose her noise on other people around her.

Her practices are going to be short, so even if it is painful it won't be for long. You sound like an extremely considerate neighbour so I am sure you can work it out. Figure out a good time of day where it won't bother your neighbours or any bother is minimal. Maybe have a chat with them in advance. But don't make a huge deal about this in front of your DD or she is going to find it incredibly undermining and find you unsupportive.

My brother used to "play" the violin. I always went out because I couldn't stand it. Finally the neighbours had enough and he had to quit or we would have to move. It's really awful when a child plays (first year atleast) so I don't blame you for turning down this.

My 10yo is learning violin and honestly it’s not that bad. Practice directly after school so neighbours less likely to be disturbed. Joined a junior orchestra so they practice outside of home once a week and also inside of school at a lunchtime group.

My other children are learning drums and bagpipes so I may be immune to noise by now tbf.

My child is at secondary school and the children can use the practice rooms before and after school. You may find that is an option when she is in year 7. Mine meets with friends one day after school and they practice together for 1.5 hours. Then they may have orchestra and music lesson and ensemble - she may get good very quickly.

Does your county have Saturday music centres?

You're so nice, OP.

My neighbour's kid used to play violin and he was awful. He practised on random school days before school when I was still asleep. I hated it.

If he'd practised at any other time, I'd just have gone out, and it would have been fine. He could have practised after school, in the evening, at the weekend...

No. Bloody 6.45am every time he practised. This is only an acceptable time to make noise if you have kids. Not everyone living next to you is a family!

Does your DD want to learn?

How can you say no to that experience. My older siblings had lessons in violin and piano and by the time my parents got to me they didn’t do it but I really wish they had. What does your daughter want to do? X

If I was your neighbour I'd be completely fine with this. Just do in short bursts at a reasonable hour like others have said.

Are your neighbours always in?

Although I live in a terrace now I grew up in a road of large detached houses....We could still hear the kid 2 houses away when he was playing the drums!

(ETA sorry didn't read your last update)

We lived in a terrace house, when db started on the violin the cat ran up the curtains trying to escape!😂I was still allowed to learn when I was old enough. Didn’t practice at antisocial hours.
violins aren’t that loud, they have to have loads of them in an orchestra to be audible over the wind instruments.

This is a golden opportunity. It would be such a waste for her not to at least get the chance. It will certainly enhance her school work. Practicing can be done at a reasonable time. Not an easy instrument but the experience gained and discipline it needs, are great life lessons. She may prove to love it and have real aptitude. If it was my daughter, I’d encourage her in every way

YAB extremely U.

I cannot fathom turning down a wonderful opportunity for my kids like that.

If your neighbours are bothered by the noise they can move to a detached house in the countryside.

I played violin from age 8 all through school. It was the best, there were weekly free lessons, practice a few times before school and we played at various locations and events. I always look back with so much positivity about it, it taught discipline and it was so much fun. I made some lovely friendships. I was no expert and also had to practice of course. I had a mute and it was great as it lessens the sound. Popping that on and practicing for 20-30 minutes before 6pm is probably a reasonable approach. Good luck if your DD decides to follow this path!

Well the singing sounds fine also but I urge you not to let her miss an opportunity to learn an instrument. As everyone else has said if she sticks to a few minutes a day when it will cause minimal disturbance that should be fine.

My DD played the violin from the age of 5. They aren't that loud. I play the trombone.

This is a good time to teach your daughter to be considerate of those around her, but also to not let worry of maybe upsetting someone stop her from learning a valuable skill - don’t hear of free instrument lessons much these days so I’d be all over it!

15 minutes a day is nothing, you have to expect reasonable noise in a terrace anyway. Then again, I grew up playing an acoustic drum kit in an unsoundproofed conservatory every day after school (my parents refused to kill my passion while I bashed away at this secondhand kit, couldn’t afford an electronic drumkit so just used dampeners and limited the time playing each day). People were ok with it shockingly, they must have heard me very clearly but no one said anything to our faces and I limited it to 15 minutes a day and not every day.

Just saw your update about singing lessons, same will probably apply regarding noise (my stepdaughter is a fantastic singer and does paid lessons, she shakes the roof when she belts so definitely not quieter than a violin) but it’s all reasonable noise really as she only sings for very short amounts of time each day, and not always at full volume. I am conscious of my neighbours (moreso than my very supportive parents were of ours growing up with their aspiring rock drummer noise pollutant daughter) but it wouldn’t be fair to not nurture a hobby that is enjoyed just in case someone next door feels inconvenienced or annoyed by it.

You are being very unfair to your dd purely because you were embarrassed as a teenager. Her practicing for 30 mins a day during daytime hours is normal house hold noise.

I think that you should allow DD to have the violin lessons.

I lived in a downstairs flat for the first year of my accordion lessons and then for the next 5 years in a semi-detached house. No banging on the walls because I practised for half an hour a day in the afternoon after coming home from school.

I'm shocked at how many people seem to think a child playing the violin four or five times a week for ten minutes is inconsiderate! Playing an instrument is a wonderful privilege, my whole social life as a child and teen was based around music and orchestras and I had the chance to travel and perform all over the UK and make lifelong friends. I feel really sad you are thinking of denying her that opportunity.

Unless there is a backstory and you have difficult unpleasant neighbours how is this any different to having the TV or a computer game or jumping around to a 30 minute keep fit video. Please speak to your neighbours to reassure them it will only be for small periods of time if you are anxious of their reaction, but it's normal household family noise for most people.and perfectly reasonable. Please don't take this away from your daughter as she may not get another chance through school if she turns it down.

Encourage her, just no playing after 7pm or whatever. Screw the neighbours.

I’m a professional musician and I have always lived in flats/terraces/semis (being a musician doesn’t pay that well…). I’ve done a serious (hours per day) amount of practice in these buildings when preparing for auditions etc. Both my kids play as well now. I’ve never had a problem but have always had open conversations with neighbours and given them a bit of leeway over noise as well. It doesn’t travel that far to be honest, particularly if it’s not attached to part of the house when played like a piano or cello. Although I have encouraged my kids to choose instruments that immediately sound nice, but that’s my preference as I teach an instrument to 70 kids a week that definitely doesn’t sound great at the beginning and that’s all my ears can take! Playing music is so beneficial for brain development and learning skills like perseverance and concentration. All in 10-15 mins a day! And the sense of achievement they get is brilliant, I love seeing my students’ reactions after they manage to play a piece through for the first time. For my beginners I say 10-15 mins, 3 times a week. Building work is much worse than that and that’s accepted as normal most of the time!

Personally , I would let her have a go. My daughter had a go at cello lessons for a couple of terms. Then either the novelty wears off or they actually do develop a talent for it and listening to the practice sessions become more bearable!🤣

One of my boys played the violin and TBH it was pretty awful for ages before he got even mildly good. However, the other one plays the cello and that sounded fine even at the start, way less screechy. Could you suggest cello or even viola instead? The problem when they’re young is that the violins are small so they don’t have a nice sound, plus it is hard to make it sound good early on, so they can get disheartened as the progression is slow.

You should definitely let your DD have violin lessons! The awful sounds don’t last that long, and soon turn into beautiful music anyway. You can get a practice mute (giant rubber contraption) you put over the bridge which dampens the sound considerably. DC used that when practicing in hotels etc. and we had zero noise complaints

Singing sounds great - she can then join a choir, do a theatre group, perform alone...
Especially if she has a nice voice already.

I would be more than happy to live next door to a child who was learning the violin rather than the load of screeching adults I currently have whose shouting starts at 11am and continues to around 2am the following day! Why not pop a note to next door and let them know when she is likely to be practising? I would like to hope that most people would be fine about this.

What a wonderful opportunity for her. It wouldn’t be a life lesson, just a missed opportunity for your daughter.
Let her learn but have set times for practising.