To say that my DD can't have violin lessons.

[user1471516498]

My DD (10) has been offered free violin lessons in school as she did well in an aptitude test. I don't know much about music, but I have read that learning an instrument can be beneficial with schoolwork generally even if it isn't taken to a high level.
The only problem is that we live in a terraced house. My sister learned violin when I was a child, and I remember the noise being horrendous, and our neighbours banging on the walls and swearing at us. I used to be absolutely mortified as a teenager, so maybe this is colouring my view.
Part of me wants to give her the opportunity, but I am leaning towards the conclusion that it might be a better life lesson in consideration and politeness if I say no.
I was going to compromise by saying that she could play at school but no playing allowed at home, but from what I have read, that would be pointless.
I just feel so guilty, because I wish we lived in a detached house so that she could learn an instrument if she wanted to. However in reality she needs to learn that she cannot impose her noise on other people around her.

Music is a part of life.

I live in an apartment block, one neighbourgh plays a trumpet and there are cello and violin above us.

It surprisingly ok, even when someone's practice clashes with me WFH, a decent noise reduction microphone and no-one on my call hears anything. It is so much ok that it encouraged me to find my flute

Or even on headphones. Electric guitars/violins without an amplifier are barely audible outside the room they're in because they have no sound box. But I don't know how expensive electric violins are, whether you can get a cheaper model for beginners, etc. I'm sure 5 minutes on Amazon or AliExpress will have it sorted though.

This. It's briiant that she's been offered free violin lessons (they are expensive) and it would be so sad for her not to get that opportunity.

• allow her to practise only for short periods
• ensure she practises during sociable hours only
• find out if there's a practice room at school she can use
• get one of things that can 'quiet' the sound of the violin
• if you're on good terms with the neighbours, explain to them and ask if there are any 'better' hours that would be less inconvenient for them while she is in the first stages.

Good luck to her!

Are you more excited to teach your daughter that if you don't start off good at something there's no point even starting, or to teach her that her dreams, ambitions and passions come second to the convenience of other people around her?

YABVVVU.

Actively preventing a child from acquiring such an amazing skill and learning an instrument because of embarrassment over potential noise is one of the maddest things I've heard.

Let her play, it's a great opportunity and may be a source of joy throughout her life.

I grew up in a terrace between me and my siblings we played drums, keyboard, clarinet and guitar with no complaints from neighbours. My children have played trumpet and guitar in a semi with no complaints. We also have a digital keyboard but that's mainly played through headphones.
Don't let grumpy neighbours growing up ruin opportunities for your child.

@user1471516498 I agree with @Borris I learnt the oboe from age 9 or so through to leaving school and we lived in a terraced house. Noise is part of life, as long as it's not at silly times of the night or morning, no harm done.

I think your sister must have been especially terrible as my ds doesn't sound awful. He didsound awful when he was starting off either. I mean it's not nicely Kennedy but is OK.

Really mean not to let her have this opportunity.

It does if you are me. 😂

I'm afraid my DM said "no stringed instruments will be played in this house". I still play the piano, and two wind instruments, and my DB learned the trumpet (not sure she thought that one through!). Some other instruments are in much greater demand though if she enjoys it - viola (lower and less screechy, though usually they start on the violin), oboe, bassoon, French horn (v hard but even beginners seem to sound quite mellow).

This was all we needed to know 😆

Echoing others who say YWBVU not to let her learn. It's an incredible opportunity.

I will just say, be consistent. Ensure she understands that once she starts she is making a commitment and she needs to hold up her side and practice, because there will be plenty of times when it feels hard and she just won't want to, but stand firm, because it will pay off. 🙂

I live in a terrace and would be dismayed if a child near me was denied such an opportunity for fear of upsetting the neighbours. Not only would it be unfair to the individual child, it would be utterly selfish and short-sighted on a wider basis; if we, as a society want music (and most of us do) we have to nurture musicians. Although some of them eventually go to conservatories etc, they start at home and school with whatever they've been given or loaned, just as artists and writers do. It isn't everyone else's job to live next door to the next Vanessa Mae, Joshua Bell etc and for us to enjoy them once they're good enough for a recording contract.

I agree with what pps have said. 15 minutes in the late afternoon/early evening isn't unreasonable and will hopefully produce listenable results fairly soon.

Please, please let your daughter have this wonderful opportunity. We also live in a terrace but my daughter learnt violin from the age of eight. Some aspects of school life were challenging for her but when she joined a local junior string group it did wonders for her self esteem. She then joined a county orchestra which gave her the opportunity to take part in concerts abroad. My daughter made lasting friendships with the other young musicians, which hadn’t happened for her at school. I firmly believe that learning the instrument helped her academically as well. Don’t let your daughter miss out!

Definitely allow her to take the lessons. I wouldn't mind at all if Iwas your neighbour. If your neighbours do, then the problem is them, not you.

YANBU
I vetoed violin outright as I didn't want to listen to it! I even really like it when played well. Absolutely no way I was prepared to listen to it being played badly!

My three learnt
viola
clarinet
saxophone
piano
Never allow practice early Sunday or late at all other times
We never had any complaints,

It is not unreasonable that your child is allowed to practise an instrument in your home. If she practised 3 hours a day I can understand it might disturb but most children when starting an instrument tend to only do 10-15 minutes a day. Hardly an issue

i live in a semi detached house. My son plays the drums. Neighbours understand and tolerate. We agreed he would never play before 11am. He keeps his practises relatively short and he doesn’t do past 8pm. Not fallen out! I also tell them to tell me if it disturbs them too much and we’ll work around them being out but so far they haven’t complained.

I often walk past other houses and hear people playing instruments. It is a completely normal part of life. Don’t deprive them of the opportunity. It is a wonderful thing to be able to play an instrument or 2.

Let her learn the violin. The neighbours won't mind, but your DD will never forgive you if you prevent her taking up this opportunity.

My mum was a very laid back woman, nothing got her angry.... with one notable exception...... a badly played violin! She threatened to hit me over the head with it! (She wouldn't have before anybody jumps on this!), needles to say the violin didn't last in our household! Fast forward 30 years, my dd was offered violin lessons, we declined 🤣 both my dds play brass instruments, one of the best parenting decisions we ever made (we also have excellent very understanding neighbours!)

Whew! I was remembering being roped in to school violin lessons, aged 11. If you're not motivated, or even just vaguely interested, it's just a waste of everyone's time. I never even took the thing home to practise!

My daughter was offered trombone lessons at primary school. We lived in a terrace and I made her practice when she came in from school so it wasn't antisocial. She's now been playing for 6 years and about to take gcse music. She's signed up for a music course at college too. She has been in the school orchestra since year 7 and played at all shows and events and it has given her so much confidence and fulfilment.

My older daughter is autistic with some auditory processing issues. I have had to manage that quite carefully as she can't stand the noise even now.

All I can say is it's been so worth it.

Let her do it! I think limit the practice to appropriate times but I don't think it's an unreasonable sound in her own home

Please let her learn. Too few children are learning because its so expensive. Youth orchestras often are short of players now.

Its not a loud instrument and she'll soon improve.

My youngest plays the fiddle. I was delighted, since his 3 brothers had all chosen the chanter and one was considering moving on to full bagpipes!