DP not being truthful about cash withdrawals - fearful he is gambling again

[Lilac84]

I’m freaking out a bit at the moment. DP left his most recent bank statement on our coffee table last night and I noticed a couple of fairly large cash withdrawals. He has a history of gambling challenges, which he has worked to overcome, and is self excluded from online sites. His last bet to my knowledge was over two years ago when this came to a head.

I asked him what these withdrawals were and he said he is putting money aside for his friends’ golfing weekend abroad in the summer, and having it in cash hidden away means he won’t be tempted to spend it in the meantime and will change it over when the time comes.

I wasn’t overly convinced by this, it isn’t something he has done before to my knowledge. I shouldn’t have done this, but I know where he keeps his paperwork and I looked through to find previous months’ statements earlier today. For the past 4/5 months, there are two similar withdrawals every month - for either £170 or £110, and always on similar two dates.

These are dates he works away for his job and stays overnight - so always the same weekday. The amount withdrawn exceeds a grand which is far more than he’d need for his golf trip, based on what I know he took in previous years.

I am massively worried he is gambling again, he works in a busy city centre so there will be no shortage of betting shops and the machines which can be used for roulette etc.

Any suggestions on how to approach this would be welcomed, I haven’t said anything about the further statements as of yet. It was so hard to go through this before and I don’t know if I can face supporting him again, I know that sounds terrible.

Stay away for a few nights? He needs to be gone permanently. Please make an appointment with a solicitor as soon as you can, OP. You need to understand your options. I know from here you just can't change the locks or prevent him returning if you own the house jointly, but you need to sell up, split the money and move on. Honestly, you poor soul, what a vile object he has shown himself to be.

Awww bless his wee little brain.

He thinks a women he pays to lick his bum actually gets him and understands him and care about him.

When really she’s just got him down as “Frank likes rim jobs regular pays well”

and hour or so after “frank” will be “Bob” who likes to be urinated on. He will also feel like she gets him as he hands over £150.

He is being downright awful to you so that you are the one to pull the plug and he can play the victim and tell everyone you left him because he is probably sure that you won’t tell anyone what he did because, in his eyes, he did it since you were lacking in some way and he thinks you’ll be embarrassed for people to know that.

You are not lacking in any way. No one will think that. No one who hears a man went to prostitutes thinks “oh, his wife must be denying him.” They just think what a wanker he is. Pull the plug, kick him out or move out and don’t look back. Don’t be afraid of telling people what he did when he plays the victim. He is showing you who he is and you don’t want that.

He'staying with a friend for a few days, thank God for that, you don't need to see these silly little photos, I imagine the woman would be embarrassed and angry to know he deliberately showed them to you, what was the point in that, idiot. He's abusing both of you. She doesn't care about him, he's totally deluded, fingers crossed he'll move out permanently and be out of your life, you deserve better and will be so much happier when he's gone. Sort out of the practicalities when he's gone, his friends and family must feel ashamed too.

Have you told him not to come back OP?