MIL wants DH to meet her on his own for Mother’s Day

[Sunshine202341]

DH mentioned the other day that his mum has asked if him and his two other siblings want to meet her on Sunday for Mother’s Day (partners not invited). We have a young baby and one of his siblings also has a child. It would be a full day trip for him as she lives 2 hours away. I obviously don’t have an issue with him meeting his mum, however I feel that it would be nice for us to spend Mother’s Day together as a family seeing as I am now a mum! Plus it means I’ll be on solo parenting duty that day. My own parents are on holiday that day. I feel like she hasn’t considered the siblings who now have their own young families. Can’t work out if AIBU or not?

I was way too sleep deprived to even remember my first Mothers' day. The first one that was special was the one when the DC could actually appreciate what the day meant and show their appreciation, which was probably around age 3.

Otherwise it's just your partner appreciating you, which I hope they do every day :)

Absolutely

He has his own family now.

If necessary he should point that out.

If this request is a first, as a one off I would go with it. She probably has a good reason, wants to tell or have a discussion with them about something important. It won't kill you to be on your own for one day.

Well I think your DH and his siblings are all unreasonable for not bothering to arrange anything for their mum on Mother’s Day - albeit on another day - and leaving it up to her to have to contact them and organise something so shame on them.

I notice your parents are on holiday but if they weren’t, would you have arranged something for your mum?

This! It’s for you and your DCs, not partners.

Hopefully your dc will want to spend Mother’s Day with you in the future 😊

Once your baby is weaned then my answer to this sort of behaviour would be "that sounds lovely. You should take the kid(s). She'll enjoy seeing her grandchildren and I can have the day off for mothers day"

Sometimes you have to teach grown women to share the hard way and people who pander to this that looking after small children solo is hard work a lot of the time.

Presumably op enjoys her dc - even the baby! Not everyone needs A Break or to Relax child free. Mil wants to sit head of the table with her offspring hanging on her every word without dw's and dc spoiling that.
Dh needs to remember who he made vows to.

Would you be visiting your own mother on mothering sunday had she not been on holiday?

I wouldn't tell/ask my DH not to visit his mother on mothering sunday, just because she's had years of visits doesn't mean that because we now have DC she should be pushed aside.
I'd never treat my own DM that way either, and he'd never expect me to.

I'd be more than happy being the one having mothering sunday on the Saturday.

I think mothers with adult children and grandchildren should step back and let the new mothers have their Mother’s Day. I have GC and I do not expect to see my DC this Sunday - it’s not about me anymore - it’s about new families and their new traditions.

You mention solo parenting more than once - surely you can manage solo parenting on other days. I don't know, he stays 2 hours away so presumably she doesn't see her that often. As parents get older, these are the type of days that seem to mean more to them - even though its marketing hype. Get him to get baby up, fed, changed and dressed, make you breakfast in bed and then you can solo parentbtill he comes uome with a takeaway. Everybody gets something, we'll apart from the men.

Do other siblings live close to her? Are they still meeting on Mother's Day?

Mother’s Day is primarily for those actively raising children. The other generations get an acknowledgement, but it’s not the main focus.

this is a simple no. Your husband should be with you on Mother’s Day, taking care of the child(ren). It’s baffling that some grandmothers don’t understand that they have to step back a bit for simple practicality.

She hasn’t said ‘no partners’ but she just hasn’t invited them if that makes sense. It’s been a direct message to her siblings asking if they want to meet her on Sunday for lunch.

Does she word it differently if she wants to invite everyone? Because I would think by inviting him, she is automatically inviting all of you. That's what we do in our family, if I do a family lunch I just message one person per family 'do you want to come for lunch on sunday' and the invite for everyone else in their family is inferred.

Has he checked with her what she meant?

As PP have said your MIL is being extremely shelfish. YOU are the mother that matters on morhers day now

I really don't see why you or any other parent can't look after their own child alone for a day. That aside, I agree that married couples usually come as a package and her request is a bit weird.

The actual day should of course be about the new mum as it’s “their time” like people are saying BUT I think it’s poor form for adults not to bother organising anything for their parents at all for another day. In the OP’s case, I don’t think MIL should have had to contact her children to try and organise something herself; they should have already been planning something for her for another date. It’s not bloody hard to take your mum out for lunch once a year, is it.

(Assuming you have good loving parents of course).

It does not occur to a lot of parents of adult children that the daughters and daughters-in-law are mothers now.

DH's mum rang him last week to tut that him and his sister had both forgotten mother's day, to which he said it's next week. But nonetheless it would not have occurred to her to ask if I and DH's sister, both mums, had also had a nice day!

YANBU.

It’s completely fine for him to see her the day before. No need to feel guilty about saying no.

Agreed.

I think it would be pretty awful to leave your wife alone with a baby on her first Mother’s Day. I’m amazed that anyone would think otherwise. Good on your husband for saying no. To me, Mother’s Day isn’t just about children being with their mothers, but about appreciating the work of motherhood generally.

Your MIL sounds like she is jealous, consciously or otherwise, and is acting out. My mother has also behaved really weirdly towards me since I had kids. Grandchildren are a blessing, but they can also trigger strange feelings (including jealousy, envy) around the passing of time and the arrival of old age.

It is not rocket science - it is mother's say - SHE is his mother, not you. He is spending his mother's day with his mother. When your child grows up, they will celebrate mother's day with you. Simple.

That is SO weird. And rude, and your dh should tell her so.

It's your Mother's Day too, she's batshit.

Bravo!

This