Day off for dads death

[Noideawhatimdoing40]

My son is 12 and his dad died almost 3 years ago. Next week is the anniversary of his death and he has asked if he can stay home for the day. Aibu sending him in? He’s got full attendance so far and is a great kid all round, but hates school despite being incredibly studious. Please can I have honest opinions. I feel torn. The previous two years I think fell during the Easter half terms so was not an issue.

I would let him have it off. Poor baby boy. I hope he’s okay. I think it would be a hard day for anyone let alone a kid. X

I would definitely let him choose, if he wants the day off that is absolutely fine. Posts that say, he would expect it every year, why not? It would be so awful for him to be at school, and be upset. 🌺

If he was my son and he asked for this day off, I would have no hesitation in agreeing.

Let him have it off.
It was over 20 years ago, but I still remember breaking down at work on an anniversary of my brother's death. Grief is a strange beast. Don't make it more public than it needs to be.

I'd let him. He will remember that day of reflection and not having to possibly hold it together at school when it already sounds like he knuckles down despite not enjoying it. A day off from things he doesnt like about school might be a relief and it's actually a really good black and white reason to have it off, so it's not like it can become a frequent habit. One day a year isn't much if a concession, and he'll remember that more than a 100% attendance cert when he's grown.

I usually get pissed and cry on the anniversary of my baby’s still birth. Is that okay with you? So what if he wants to play games. Should he be doing maths workbooks instead, would that be okay?

And where the fuck did porn come from? Fuck me, there are some real nasty people around.

What’s the issue ? If his attendance is good let him have the day off .its bound to be an emotional day for him . He is telling you it’s hard for him to, help him .

Are you going to be taking the day off with him? I don’t think it would be good for him to spend the day on his own.

Let him stay at home. It's one day. He is asking you for what he needs at this point in time. Listen.

It’s perfectly normal to want a day off to process what happened. A person close to me always books a few days annual leave on the anniversary of a traumatic event. It’s a healthy way to deal with your emotions. I’d be congratulating him on his maturity.

No because she has bills to pay school is not a job. Stop expecting kids to live like adults.

Let him have the day off and spend it with him doing something meaningful to you both.
its only 1 day and he’s still very young.

You can mark the anniversary very meaningfully without taking a day off school. He's 12. He's already lost a ton of schooling and socialising to covid. Allowing this is not going to help him built resilience. He needs to understand that his request can be denied for very good reason and it doesn't mean that his mum doesn't understand his need to mark the anniversary in some way. He just needs to find a way to do it that doesn't involve ducking out of an important responsibility.

If he wants the anniversary of his dad's death off school then does he also want Father's Day and his Dad's birthday? It's been three years. It's time to gently encourage him to to remember fondly, not wallow in grief.

Seldom does anything on MN shock me anymore. Your default to it's a boy so he must be skiving off to watch porn and game has though. Where is your compassion?

This. Of course its fine

Really? What a weird thing to say.

Of course you can, absolutely yes. Also tell him you’re proud of him for being honest and advocating for himself.

Is it? I think it's probably pretty accurate.

Jesys Christ @TwigletsAndRadishes I can't deal with your reply at all.

I'm an atheist but I was brought up an Anglican. I can't remember the exact words but does anyone else remember the bit in the Bible where God is compared to a father who will give a child bread if they ask for bread, and won't insist that they have a stone instead bevause it's what they should have? Anyway, that's how I took it.

Having a day away from school or work is not 'wallowing in grief'. My God.

Get a grip. One extra day off to grieve however he sees fit is going to make NO difference whatsoever.

I would let him have it off. Why wouldn't you?

Absolutely - I would let him x

Let him stay off.

3 years is nothing for a bereavement like this, I’m in my 50’s and recall thinking of the exact time my Dad died on the anniversary for many years after his death.

Worry about setting a precedent in future years, maybe, but not now ❤️

I can’t work out which way to vote, but I’d let him have the day off. It’s a big deal losing a parent when you are young, definitely not a “its been three years, stop wallowing” situation, and I’m usually one to frown on performative grief!

I work in a school and I really hate it when the anniversary of my mum's death falls on a work day. I think let him have the day off if he wants to.