Day off for dads death

[Noideawhatimdoing40]

My son is 12 and his dad died almost 3 years ago. Next week is the anniversary of his death and he has asked if he can stay home for the day. Aibu sending him in? He’s got full attendance so far and is a great kid all round, but hates school despite being incredibly studious. Please can I have honest opinions. I feel torn. The previous two years I think fell during the Easter half terms so was not an issue.

Yes do ask the school
in advance. We would authorise this - I work in a school office

let school know that he'll be off, and may have a difficult time in the week or so around it.

Others commenting 'he can't have it off every year' - he's had the last two off due to the holidays, it's not likely the summer exam period will be this early, he can likely have it off every year, and as it gets further into the past, he may not need it off, but if he feels like he does it's reasonable! I know plenty of people who take a death anniversary of a parent off work every year.

Yes ! Let him take it off . I too am a widow and although it is 9 years since we lost my husband we find the anniversary still very hard . Let your son grieve in his own way . Celebrate your memories with him .

I'd absolutely let him take it off. Adults would be able to book that day off work and if it feels like something he needs I'd let him.

I would let him have the day off school if that's what he needs and do something to remember his dad.

My mum died over 30 years ago. Until last year I took her anniversary off. I don't feel the need to now. Let him do what feels right for him.

Oh do fuck off I lost my dad when I was 11...

I’d also let him have the day off every year for ‘moping’ and ‘wallowing’ OP. There’s no shame in grieving regardless of what some posters on this thread think.

It might have been more helpful for you to go to school and be distracted, but that doesn't mean it is the right thing for OP's son.

that’s lovely OP I think a perfect response. I would tell the school, it’s useful for them to know in the following days to check in with him if needed and so DS doesn’t need to hide why they were off.

And it obviously did you no harm.
Except the bit where you lost your ability to feel and now tell people to FO on Mumsnet 🙄

School should be fine - we'd mark it down as Exceptional Circumstances.

i think what is blindingly obvious from this thread is that there is no “right” answer to this. Everyone seems to have different attitudes to grieving. Do what is right by your son.

My husband is terminally ill. When the time comes I’ll be letting my kids 9 and 13 take the day off school and we’ll do things to remember him. Take flowers to his resting place, etc. It’s massive to lose a parent but it’s even bigger to lose a parent at such a young age xx

I lost my adoptive mum at 12. There was little remembrance of her afterwards - she was dead and gone.

I wish very much that my father had taken me off school for the day and remembered / celebrated her life.

Even now decades later apparently around her death date I'm unsettled and twitchy, according to my sons and partner. Perhaps if there had been a ritual to mark her passing I would have coped better.

Your son is so young and letting hom mark the day could be important for him, when he looks back in 30 years' time. I'm glad you're letting him have the day off in remembrance.

Just wanted to update-I kept my son off for the day and took him out for a day of fun and it was lovely-just what he needed. I’d emailed his head of year and explained the situation and she said it was no problem at all. The school were incredibly supportive. Thanks for all your comments.

I am so glad school were (rightfully) understanding and supportive and that you had a lovely day together.

Lovely update - so glad it worked out well for all and that the school was supportive too.

That's great to hear. It's good to build new positive memories that mix with the sad day and help with the grief long term. He'll have massively appreciated you listening to him.