Day off for dads death

[Noideawhatimdoing40]

My son is 12 and his dad died almost 3 years ago. Next week is the anniversary of his death and he has asked if he can stay home for the day. Aibu sending him in? He’s got full attendance so far and is a great kid all round, but hates school despite being incredibly studious. Please can I have honest opinions. I feel torn. The previous two years I think fell during the Easter half terms so was not an issue.

I would let him have the day off, and do something special with him to mark the anniversary.

If he dislikes school generally (I'd also want to investigate why) what will you do next time he says he feels upset about his dad? Another day off? And another?

@NotAWandererAnyLonger This is a kid who has full attendance and is struggling with the anniversary of his father's death.. What on earth are you talking about?

100% let him have the day off. It's healthy to mourn and marking anniversaries is important. My mum died when I was 21 and I struggled with the run up to the anniversary for years until I finally decided to embrace it and let myself grieve for a day every year instead of trying to distract myself. The only way I can see it being an issue in future years is if it clashes with GCSE/A level assessments. But cross that bridge when you come to it.

I think I would not allow but would meet him from school and do something quietly together after school assuming your work allows it. I would not want him to be home alone all day or even in the house if you wfh.

if you can have the day off too it changes my opinion slightly but I’ve always been a go in whatever person as it doesn’t change the past - we are all different

Seriously?
You'd pick him up early if he got upset?
Why risk him falling apart at school.

The lad is obviously fragile and asking for help now.
I would respect that, commend him for having the courage to speak up now, so many young men don't (or can't).
If he was in a workplace then he could take a day off as leave, however school doesn't allow this opportunity.
Absolutely give this boy the day off.

I'd let him have the day off.

The OP states that her son has excellent attendance despite not liking achool, which is admirable.

My concern would be (and I have professional experience in this area) is that something may be going on (eg bullying) and once you do something once, it can become a regular request to avoid an issue rather than disclosing/dealing with it, and may become the case in this scenario.

It may not...there could be a million and one other factors/outcomes, as I've also suggested.

Obviously the OP is best placed to know her son and how he is on the anniversary but as she is asking the question here I imagine she is not 100% sold on the idea that letting him have the day off is in his best interests. Everyone is different.

This boy has lost his dad at such a young age. If this one thing can ease his pain or help him process things, do it.

He’s a 12 year old whose parent died when he was 9. If he gets an extra day off school every year to compensate, then I don’t think that’s the end of the world.

Where on EARTH have you got the idea he’s going to be staying home and watching porn?!

He’s 13. His dad died when he was a young child.

I take my mothers anniversay off every year - I take dad to the wall and we have a nice lunch together.

It was has been 15 years now.

Let have the day and do something nice together

So what? One day a year is not going to impact his life chances.

Of course you let him have a day off.

Yes. (Being in a very, very similar position myself).

And I don't think it would set up a pattern, or extend to other days - I'm sure you already have plenty of anniversaries throughout the year, and it's very difficult to predict how you will feel on each of them. Of course most of the time you just have to get on with life, but if this year he feels he wants to take this day off, I think that is fine.

YABVU. Who gives a care about school attendance given what he is remembering on that day.

What is wrong with you ????
He is a young child

I'd absolutely let mine have a day off, I'd probably ask then what they wanted to do and plan it.

I have found the third anniversary of DH's death the hardest yet so yes, I would let him take a day off for the sake of his mental health if nothing else.

Can you be off with him? I'd let him but would worry about him being alone all day feeling down.

If something like bullying is going on then he's a lot more likely to disclose it while hanging out on a quiet day together.

He's asking for help. Don't ignore it.

Can you be off with him? I'd let him but would worry about him being alone all day feeling down.

I too have a DD who has lost their father, so write to you from that knowledge as well. Your 12 year old has expressed what he needs to do for his father's anniversary - listen to him and hear him - he is 12, he has an excellent record at school, why not? If it was my Dd I would do this in a heartbeat (unless she was writing a final exam and I would go through this with her). I know my Dd took quite a while to even come to be able to talk about the her father dying, I would see this as healthy of your son, and a way of expressing his grief and what he needs

I'd let him stay home. There's no point him being there if his mind isn't focused on the lessons plus if he does get emotional then he's open to being teased for weeks.

I'd let him take the day off school. Can you go somewhere for lunch that you went to as a family? Walk and talk and remember his dad and the good times?
Second the note about Winstons wish.

We used to have family holidays on the coast and we go down once a year for a day trip or overnight and we put a painted pebble on the beach and have a bit of quiet time with our thoughts. It's been 10 years.

Yes I’d let him off school and tell school he’s sick. Its only one day and we all need to grieve in our own way. Bless you both.