To think SAHM with young DC deserve more respect

[CheekyFawn]

I work full time but currently on maternity leave looking after my 5 months old baby and a toddler DS who is 3 yo.
I just don't know where my time goes. Between breastfeeding baby, getting DS ready for preschool and tidying up the house, cooking meals etc, it just feels like there is no time at all even to have 5 mins of coffee break. I feel it was much better when I was at work couple of months ago when DS was in nursery that I used to get at least a lunch break for an hour or 30 mins at least or time between meetings to have a coffee and look at my phone in peace. I imagine this is I think how a day looks for SAHM with young DC and it's bloody hard. Many people just assume they are not doing much but I think they deserve more respect.

I wonder who was wiping their bottoms, sorting a nap and feeding schedule, making sure they didn’t choke on solid foods when introduced blah blah

Err, me? And also did the potty training.

I didn’t just pop out a baby, drop them to the nearest childcare facility and then head off to work.

I've never felt the need to justify myself and what I do. It's nobody's business but mine. There's also stigma around being a WOHM.

I've never had a debate IRL though. It just seems to be a fascination online.

Most of us don't really care what other mums are doing anyway. We're too busy being knackered from what we're doing.

I've never felt the need to justify myself and what I do. It's nobody's business but mine. There's also stigma around being a WOHM

Agree - no need to justify it if it works for you and your family. I never justify why I work and whether I am full time or part time.

I am not sure where you are seeing the "ignorance" but I suspect it's a different place than I do (and in fact most of the other posters thus far!) I'm also not really sure though what it is that you are trying to say. It's not very clear.

I know I wiped all of my lot's backsides, toilet trained them, weaned them, breastfed them, got them school places, took them to school, did homework with them, had the sex/periods talk with them, went to all their school performances, taught them manners, disciplined them, taught them empathy, supervised their instrument practice - spent 9 years going to the bloody swimming pool so they all became proficient swimmers, yada yada yada.

There is not one single poster who has said that raising children is easy!!

It’s not and if your kids are home and not at nursery then it’s probably as hard as your job but more boring and emotionally taxing. If your dc are at nursery or school part of the time though then no, I don’t agree it’s harder or deserves more respect. I work FT but DH and I still have to keep the household running we just also work! We buy in help in the form of a cleaner ever other week but that’s not much! We still cook every night, go to DC school events etc, we just have to fit work around it.

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 the entitlement

But I’m also a mother? I just work too?! Being a SAHM isn’t like a magical unicorn thing you should get a prize for. Fair enough if it’s what you want but no one made you have children?!

I salute you! Now that is worthy of respect! Good for you.

I thought it was tough when I started my MSc the same month I returned to work after mat leave with DC3 (then 10 months), when I attended uni the same evening a week for the first semester as DH was simultaneously also in uni completing his final year of a BSc, and both elder DCs had an activity plus the baby needed minding...!

I worked FT throughout and have not one single regret.

Especially now that I am looking forward to a half decent pension in retirement, while my dear friend who took 20 years out, doesn't.

or, they will also be stay at home parents parroting the same thing as you.

Being a stay at home mum for the baby and toddler stage was tough. But for the only time in my life I was my own boss. And that feeling can't be underestimated.

Seriously, SAHM-hood is wasted on anyone who doesn't appreciate that.

Going back to work, having to kow-tow to a boss again, and not having control of my own day, was a bit of a shock after three or four years of making my own decisions.

Your example makes no sense though. People telling SAHMs in financial difficulties to go back to work is a practical solution. It’s got nothing to do with respect or disrepect. Respect won’t pay their bills. Working will.

Just because the forum is called mumsnet it doesn’t mean you can go around expecting appreciation from everyone on it for choosing to stay at home with your kids. I also don’t give a rats ass like the pp if you stay at home or work. I don’t know you. I’m not going to randomly appreciate you for staying at home with your own children. There’s nothing hostile about it. It’s odd to be expecting so much appreciation from everyone for a choice you’ve made that should only impact your own family. The only appreciation you should want should be that of your family, not strangers of an online forum.

Working is so much easier for me than being a SAHM. It was one long slog, day after day. Exhausting.

But there is also a distinction between being on maternity leave and being a SAHM.

Yeah our mum's did that for us because having kids means you have to look after them! We've already got mother's day coming up to show appreciation, what more do you want? And none of us even asked to be here so parents are hardly doing us a favour? If it's soooo hard don't do it?

Mothers' work absolutely should be respected OP. When it's unnoticed, the things that hold women back from financial and social parity are never addressed. I really do think that if we don't regard it, we will never achieve equality. Because there will always be an unexamined demand on our time and mental capacity that is not accounted for, but by god we are expected to meet it.

That would be, ALL MOTHERS' work.

Yes, absolutely, all the work done by mothers, both those in paid employment and those not.

It’s interesting that it’s always stay at home mums looking for validation, and rarely the working mums.

Just saying.

@ItTook9Yearscompletely agree.

This just pisses me off.

I work full time in a very demanding role and have two primary aged children.

Why should a SAHM get a round of applause any more than I.

My marriage is a partnership and is 50/50.

Posts like this just set women back

I was a nanny for a few years and I get way more respect as a mom than I ever did as a nanny.

The validation of mothers with no external employment is fundamental though - the difficulties all mothers face in a capitalist patriarchy are neatly demonstrated in an undiluted way by status this particular group of mothers have. No earnings, no occupational title, no defined duties etc - these aspects of motherhood grind us all, even while we gain validation from our work outside the home which has these things.

It’s not that deep.

I just don’t really understand the overthinking that goes on. Women have been having babies since day dot. Just get on with it, mind your business, raise your babies and do what’s right for you, rather than this constant navel gazing. Own your choices.

If you want to be a SAHM then all power to you, but I don’t owe you validation for that choice. It’s none of my business.