To think SAHM with young DC deserve more respect

[CheekyFawn]

I work full time but currently on maternity leave looking after my 5 months old baby and a toddler DS who is 3 yo.
I just don't know where my time goes. Between breastfeeding baby, getting DS ready for preschool and tidying up the house, cooking meals etc, it just feels like there is no time at all even to have 5 mins of coffee break. I feel it was much better when I was at work couple of months ago when DS was in nursery that I used to get at least a lunch break for an hour or 30 mins at least or time between meetings to have a coffee and look at my phone in peace. I imagine this is I think how a day looks for SAHM with young DC and it's bloody hard. Many people just assume they are not doing much but I think they deserve more respect.

You know this forum is called MUMSnet. I am sick of seeing this hostile attitude towards mothers on this forum.

Many of us do because many of us were also on mat leave, whether we went back to work or not. Try not to make yet another divisive thread with comments like this about who has it harder.

It's not entitlement at all. They want to come. Why are you so hostile?

Being at home with small children can feel relentless, I remember feeling that on my Mat leave. But then I went back to work and realised that the combination of juggling a demanding job with parenting small children and trying to keep the house in some sort of order was really relentless. Definitely the most exhausting time of my life. I work term time only now and although parenting is still a challenge at times (both my DC have SEND) being at home with them in the holidays still feels like a break compared to being at work because I can just focus on them instead of constantly spinning plates. I don't think it's automatically disrespectful to SAHM to disagree with the idea that it's harder looking after your own DC than it is combining work with motherhood. As for SAHM "deserving more appreciation", of course they deserve, and have every right to expect, to be appreciated for what they do by their partner and DC. But I wouldn't expect anyone outside my own immediate family to appreciate me looking after my own children.

I mean, I considered maternity leave a holiday. It was much MUCH less hard than my job. Even when I had a baby and two little ones.

The problem with SAHM is that you (one) does much that is valuable - to YOU. No-one else particularly cares that mum entertained Little Timmy in particularly delightful ways. Likewise, my colleagues wouldn't heap praise on me for fussing about the type font of my rapport when to them, any font would do. A very high proportion of what SAHMs do is either what working mums also do OR the equivalent of agonising over the font. Delighted if it is important to you, but it probably isn't to the world at large.

Still, none of my friends give anyone shit about this kind of thing. So better friends might solve your problem.

Nah, the country has gained way more from me than I had from it. And my kids' taxes can fund my retirement when I am no longer a taxpayer.

I'll use private healthcare, thanks. How much did you take for your two births? On the NHS? Your maternity leave? Your children's future education?

It seems you only started this thread for an argument and I am not going to be the one to give that to you.

I was a SAHM to all 3 of my kids until the youngest started senior school 11 years ago.

The only person whose respect I deserved for that choice was my husband's.

I'd no more expect strangers to respect that lifestyle choice than if I'd decided to turn vegan 🤷‍♂️

I have no problem with anyone coming here but I have problem with your attitude where you want to pretend that bringing up kids is not hard and valuable job and someone else on some other country should do it for you so they can study and come and serve you here. This reeks of entitlement.

The majority of us are mothers. You didn't invent motherhood.

There is only one poster coming across as "hostile".

It's a difficult one as they are both hard (working parent or stay at home parent). How hard it feels to the individual also depends on number of children and type of job, as well as personality. Personally I found my time as a SAHM easier because of the sheer amount of parenting work that needs to be done in the evening when you work, & the relentless pressure of corporate work. But I'm also a single parent so that impacts it I think as there is no one to take on the load whilst I'm working

Because they don’t: if you were working, you’d have to do all that SAHM do + work.

That doesn’t mean SAHM do nothing, it just means it’s less work than having to do all of that and be employed.

Now you are just extracting the urine.

Agree. Life is hard for a lot of people, anyway.

Only people who need to appreciate them though are their husbands/ partners. It doesn't affect anyone else at all

More respect than whom? What’s so special about being a SAHM?

“All these other things need to paid for by taxpayers….”

Not the SAHMs then! You’ve rather undermined your own point there 😂

I think SAHMs have long, physical, often difficult days, for sure. I also think they’re in an extremely privileged position to be able to make that choice. Not all of us can. Perhaps you could lead by example and show the rest of us some of this missing respect?

The privilege

I am a mother and certainly aren't hostile towards mothers per se. I am hostile to this sense of perceived entitlement to accolades for mothers who have chosen to stay home but then also want a big pat on the back cos they have cared for their kids and done some housework.

Well join the club - we are all doing that!

Did you invent motherhood? If you have nothing better to contribute to this thread then feel free to scroll past.

‘Flexible working’ for SAHM? I think you’ve over egged it now.

In case this is a serious thread, the only people you should be concerned with respecting you in your role are your loved ones.

I don’t know why you need to beg working women on here to praise you to feel better. We aren’t in a relationship or co-parenting with you.

Strangers never praised me for looking after my own wanted children or being a working mum and I didn’t expect it.

I have never considered being a sahm a job. It’s a change of lifestyle. I got to be at home and look after my children. Not put them in nursery until I wanted to and also when they got to that age life became a lot easier!

You can choose your bedtime, get up, dressed etc when you want. Meet friends for coffee/lunch. Life was much easier for me then than when I first started working full time. I could never have done full time work when mine were young.

I don’t know anybody who had children for the benefit of society and pensions. We had children because we wanted them, it was a completely selfish decision.

When I was on maternity leave I think I would have found it patronising having people ‘respect’ me just because I was at home looking after children. I don’t need accolades from people, whether is working full time, part time, or not working. I have the respect of my husband, and he has my respect. It’s our family, it was our choice to have children, same as it was our choice to work in the industries we do. It’s really nobody else’s business.

Wow, it’s a shame that on a parenting site all places the OP is getting such a hard time.

Over the years I’ve read endless threads from SAHMs who have family members including their own husbands assuming they sit in their arses all day. As a society we don’t value SAHMs.

And yet more mums on Mumsnet have voted that the OP is being unreasonable, 51%. I think that’s pretty shameful.

I'll choose whether or not to scroll by as I wish. Thank you.

I have a 9 month old baby. It was my choice to have her. I didn't do it out of obligation to my country. And neither did you. It's also way easier looking after her than being at work.

I have many friends who are immigrants or the children of immigrants. They came because they wanted to, not because we asked them to. They wanted to come here, they like it here, no entitlement from us.

Immigration has been bolstering declining birth rates for years. I seriously hope you don't think we should be having more children instead of of having immigrants come because it's better to keep everything English because that reeks of racism.

You have a real attitude problem and are clearly angry. Out the kids to bed and have some wine. If you are as miserable as you seem go back tow irk early.