To think SAHM with young DC deserve more respect

[CheekyFawn]

I work full time but currently on maternity leave looking after my 5 months old baby and a toddler DS who is 3 yo.
I just don't know where my time goes. Between breastfeeding baby, getting DS ready for preschool and tidying up the house, cooking meals etc, it just feels like there is no time at all even to have 5 mins of coffee break. I feel it was much better when I was at work couple of months ago when DS was in nursery that I used to get at least a lunch break for an hour or 30 mins at least or time between meetings to have a coffee and look at my phone in peace. I imagine this is I think how a day looks for SAHM with young DC and it's bloody hard. Many people just assume they are not doing much but I think they deserve more respect.

From who?

it’s your choice to be a SAHM. You don’t deserve any more appreciation than someone who works from the general public.

or do you mean you want appreciation from your DH? This I could understand if you aren’t getting any. But from your friends or anyone else, no, you don’t really need to be appreciated for being a stay at home mum

It's all hard and we're all judged no matter what we do. So long as you're doing what works for you and your family, crack on and don't give it any headspace.

I appreciate and respect SAHP to young children. I wasn't one, but my mother was.

I know she was frustrated being at home all day and sometimes bored. Yes, even if we work we are often non paid cleaners, cooks, taxi drivers and everything else, but I think it was the sheer loneliness for her.

When your children grow up they will recognise how hard you worked.

Why can’t parents go to the toilet alone? Did you carry your baby in every time?

It must be very difficult to have two that small and I feel for you. I hope it gets easier over the coming months. But I disagree with you that people think SAHMs with small kids aren’t doing much. I don’t know anyone who would think that.

I don’t think you can win either way. If you’re a sahm then you have an easy life and you aren’t contributing financially and if you work then you’re letting someone else raise your kids and putting money ahead of them (insert various insults as required)

Kids are hard. Everyone is just trying to make the best of it. Everyone has different circumstances and makes the best choices for their families. Some people have it easier or harder than others in all areas of life and that’s just a fact.

You deserve respect and appreciation from your husband, no one else cares. The baby and toddler stage is particularly gruelling, but you’re still in maternity leave period, not SAHM unless you want to be. This bit doesn’t last forever, and when one starts pre school it’s easier.

Alllll of this.

I think mothers should get accolades. It's the attitude like yours because of which being a mother is seen as lesser job than working in an office.
Being a mother is a full time job and it deserves appreciation in the form of generous maternity leaves, flexible working policy etc.

My baby was a complete Velcro baby and a contact napper so bathroom visits alone were rare.

However, we are now at the toddler stage where it is completely impossible to visit a bathroom alone! 😂

The best thing about going back to work for me, after my maternity leave, was a wee on my own and being able to drink a hot brew!

@playawaywayaway

Well I am fed up of young parents acting like nobody has ever done this before. You are not reinventing the wheel.

I reckon my three adult children (one is actually a teacher lol!) and my lifetime career of full-time work and paying pension contributions (not to mention my husband's!) will be sufficient to fund my retirement but thanks for your 'advice'.

yawn - sahm are just people at a particular stage in their life. No more deserving of respect than anyone else. You're caring for your child not splitting the atom

Between breastfeeding baby, getting DS ready for preschool and tidying up the house, cooking meals etc, it just feels like there is no time at all even to have 5 mins of coffee break.

I only have one child, but DH worked away 5.5 days a week when she arrived (and for the first 18 months).

I didn’t do tidying or housework (beyond doing the odd load of washing or loading and unloading the dishwasher). meals got batch cooked at weekends so that I only had to heat them up.

My mat leave was about looking after DD. Housework got done as necessary at weekends.

If you have a partner I strongly recommend you don’t take on all household duties now. Because when you return to work you’ll end up doing them all as well. I would never reduce my hours at work post-maternity.

So what? If you didn't have them someone else would or immigrants will come instead.

No one asked you to have children and there's certainly no moral obligation or even government incentive to do so. To have them was a choice and you can't pretend any other way. The choice to not have children because it's too much hard work is just as valid.

There’s roughly a thread a week on this topic.

I’m not really sure what SAHMs want from this. I respect them as much as I respect working mums but I don’t think they are making any particular sacrifice.

Why are SAHMs so keen for all this respect? They have the respect of their families (hopefully) and the pleasure of life with children but I don’t think there should be special recognition for being at home looking after your children any more than there should be for tending your allotment or doing your sit-ups.

Oh wise up, nobody needs an "accolade" for pushing a baby out! I certainly don't and I pushed out and have reared three of them!!!

I had 18 weeks' maternity leave for my first two. Maybe you should spare one of your "accolades" for us older mothers who paved the path so that you can avail of generous maternity leave, more maternity pay and greater flexibility!!!

Surely the money you have put in for retirement aren't going to pay for all your NHS care you will receive plus all the other public infrastructure you use. All these things needs to be paid for you know by other tax payers, you don't live in isolation and if you had three children who went to state schools etc then you were a net taker for the most part not contributor by the amount of public resources you used.

Hard disagree.

My husband is an equal parent. I’m typing this from a hotel room because I work away 2 weeks a month. He does everything as well as working (running a business) while I’m away. As I did when he worked away.

Beyond the point where DD needed my boobs, there are no accolades that should be awarded to mothers and not fathers.

It’s very relentless when you have small kids regardless of if you work outside the home or not. It’s a lot of new things to consider and all the household tasks get harder (more washing, more people creating mess, more appointments to book and schedules to remember etc). I think it gets a bit less of a grind as they get bigger and you adjust to it.

Why this entitlement of immigrants coming to serve you?

appreciation from who??? i don't give a rats ass if someone is staying at home all day looking after their own kids.

I don't really know what the problem is with your littlies going to the loo with you? You can still pee/poo right? My brats used to lie on the floor and laugh at the fur on my bum.

They've stopped that in their 20s funny enough 😂but my cats love to come to the loo with us and once of them will see on your lap mid-action...!

Maybe I need an "accolade" - one for the cat's ma!

I agree with this. When I was on maternity leave with 2 under 2, as hard as it was, I could control my day and get washing or bits of cleaning done around the children.

This! I also think it gets easier as time goes on, maternity leave is HARD, new born and isolation - it is probably worse for a woman who had a career before they went on maternity to adjust to the drudgery of it, and the lack of speaking to other adults about things other than child rearing, I know I found that aspect difficult.

But I also know SAHPs who have children in primary school or secondary full time and I am like WTF do you do all day? Everyone one of these I know have a husband who earns well so I suspect they are unpaid skivvies and find jobs to do rather than focusing on things that need doing (people who wash their skirting boards weekly I am looking at you!)

Immigrants come to the country for a better life. What's wrong with that?

Your posts very defensive and not a little aggressive?