To think SAHM with young DC deserve more respect

[CheekyFawn]

I work full time but currently on maternity leave looking after my 5 months old baby and a toddler DS who is 3 yo.
I just don't know where my time goes. Between breastfeeding baby, getting DS ready for preschool and tidying up the house, cooking meals etc, it just feels like there is no time at all even to have 5 mins of coffee break. I feel it was much better when I was at work couple of months ago when DS was in nursery that I used to get at least a lunch break for an hour or 30 mins at least or time between meetings to have a coffee and look at my phone in peace. I imagine this is I think how a day looks for SAHM with young DC and it's bloody hard. Many people just assume they are not doing much but I think they deserve more respect.

The very, very worst one is, "congratulations on your pregnancy" when you are not in fact pregnant!!

Our vicar once committed that faux pas. He was a lovely man, a real gentleman in every sense of the word. He greeted me one day on the way out of church and trilled, "oh I see I am going to have another baptism!" He nearly wet himself laughing when I said, "no, I'm just still fat after the last one!"

At what point have I slagged off working mums? You're making up scenarios again.

I also chose the children's names. I wish to god I had kept the list that DH wrote for our first, because I pissed myself laughing. The only one I remember is 'Wilhelmina'! Now apologies to all the Wilhelminas out there but imagine a 20 something called that!!!

You've subtly implied it. I pointed it out at the time.

Would you believe that, after I bought my first car, I was invited to and unaccountably attended a session, "car maintenance for women"??? I can't fucking believe I did that lol!

Ok, great for you and good luck in your next chapter, genuinely.

'I did say I was over working for a living, and if you had continued to do so, you would have got to that point in life too.' I did get to the point, just a lot sooner than you did, and before I became a bitter and twisted husk, hence choosing not to work anymore.

And you have been rude and denigrating towards me. I have not spoken about anyone in "a terrible way". I have merely been assertive. But assertiveness in women isn't liked.

How the hell is, "Unlike you, I have already successfully reared my children and made a fucking awesome job" an "assumption?? My children are 28, 26 and 21. You have not ever said your children were adults?

I haven't "got mad" at all - I have stood up for myself against your insults, and I will always do that.

Everyone can see how "rude and defensive" you have been towards me!

No other poster who has disagreed with me has been as insulting.

No I haven't. Quote me.

'I have merely been assertive. But assertiveness in women isn't liked.' Clearly, as you obviously haven't liked getting an assertive response back!

'I have stood up for myself against your insults,' The insults started with you.

'No other poster who has disagreed with me has been as insulting.' Is that an empirical measure, I could the say the same to you. I'm not that sensitive though.

I have never said you were a "bimbo". You totally made that up.

You are not on a level playing field with many other mothers. Not everyone has a high earning husband to enable them to stay at home. Plenty of those who do have a high earning husband don't want to stay at home either. In all of your posts, there is this underlying message that you are a better mother because you are at home.

You're not.

I became a home owner at 27 with my husband. I was in full-time education until I was 24, and worked in London for a couple of years. We nearly bought a flat but thanks be to god we decided not to because that was just before interest rates hit 15%. You were extremely lucky to be in a position to buy a house that young.

Yeah right. Your posts have been aggressive since the off.

I did. Read back. I'm not going over it again.

I wasn't pissed off until I turned 60 and the retirement I had been promised in the early years of my career was denied me! You have no idea!

There you go with the insults! And you say you're not bitter and twisted, implying that I am???

I have no regrets! I just want to reduce my working hours and the powers that be won't let me!

And another passive aggressive insult, "I'm not that sensitive though"! Seriously!

'I have never said you were a "bimbo". You totally made that up.' No but you implied my greatest achievement was marrying a rich man. I am fully aware of my current privileged situation which is why I fully respect working mothers!

'In all of your posts, there is this underlying message that you are a better mother because you are at home.' Because I, as in me, personally, am a better person to be around as working was a means to an end for ME, I took no enjoyment in it. I haven't once suggested I am a better parent than working women, only a better parent than if I was working myself.

'You were extremely lucky to be in a position to buy a house that young.' You don't know my situation, another assumption.

On a slightly different note, I’m fairly new to Mumsnet- is it the norm that OP’s start threads then disappear?! 😂 I’ve noticed this on a few.

OP where are you?! Have our 38 pages of lively debate provided you with any further insights/questions/reflections? 😂

Yeah, thank Labour for that. They promised it.

You clearly don't have children

Likewise.

It can be. Sometimes they don't comment after the OP at all.

Again with taking things personally. I was becoming a bitter husk, I noticed it in myself and it is one of the reasons I stopped working as soon as I could.

Well you were clearly privileged in some way. Common or garden 23 year olds don't buy houses otherwise if they have spent years in uni. And your freedom to choose to not work because you didn't enjoy your career has been as a direct result of 'marrying well'. A lot of mums could have been 'better' mums (in your opinion) if they had had the freedom of choice that you did. I'm not seeing your respect for working mothers.

DH and I both earned well, but we saw our future provision for our children would be enhanced if we both continued to work FT. Thus it has proved. I refuse to let anyone make me feel inferior as a mother because I have been the best mother I could have been, and that is evidenced in my now-adult children. We have been able to support them to participate in numerous activities (you dissed that post), school trips, through uni, post uni and even one of them through a Masters for a year abroad with zero funding. Pardon me if I am ready for a relaxation of work demands after all that.

Well I have never become a "bitter husk" fortunately.

What would you have done if your DH had become a "bitter husk" too?

Anyway, I'm out, I'm not sticking around to drag this out to the bitter end. The derailment has been thoroughly predictable and as depressing as ever.

Night ladies.