To think SAHM with young DC deserve more respect

[CheekyFawn]

I work full time but currently on maternity leave looking after my 5 months old baby and a toddler DS who is 3 yo.
I just don't know where my time goes. Between breastfeeding baby, getting DS ready for preschool and tidying up the house, cooking meals etc, it just feels like there is no time at all even to have 5 mins of coffee break. I feel it was much better when I was at work couple of months ago when DS was in nursery that I used to get at least a lunch break for an hour or 30 mins at least or time between meetings to have a coffee and look at my phone in peace. I imagine this is I think how a day looks for SAHM with young DC and it's bloody hard. Many people just assume they are not doing much but I think they deserve more respect.

Have you actually read the OP's posts? Because if that is what you are taking from them, then you are not understanding.

Not that’s it’s a competition….. but I’m self employed working 9 til 3 around school hours for my primary age kids and then have to do all the “stay at home mum” stuff on top of that when I’m home, I don’t get a lunch break because I work ( out of the house) to maximise my earnings during school hours - bonus of course is no wrap around childcare fees.

I didn’t work for a couple of years with a baby/ toddler and it was hard mentally but being a working mum for me is harder than that, everyone’s experience is different though and I’ve never felt disrespected either as a stay at home mum or working mum 🤷‍♀️

I read the OP. I read the first few responses to the OP. I saw the poll once I’d voted. I commented on the OP.

As a society we should value everyone. Lots of roles aren’t valued and I don’t disagree with the principle of what OP is saying.

It’s been expressed clumsily given this is a divisive topic where too often its Mums who work/don’t who are pitted against each other.

Its dads/broader family members/ ‘the workplace’ who need educating. I think the rest of us mums really get it and don’t need it ‘splaining in terms of GDP growth.

Does it not rather depend on your job/ Your boss/Your financial situation/ Your partner/lack of/Your other commitments/Your children (number, age, age gaps, health. It's not very meaningful or helpful to make such broad statements.

Also, not to heap it on, but to the idea that motherhood is a 24 hour job; yeah, no, it isn't.

You are on call (and some of that is on back-up call probably!) 24/7.

Very very different.

Or do you think firemen on duty, diplomats on duty, neurologists on duty, pharmacists on duty, carers of elderly parents... also "work" for say 72 hours straight without dropping dead?

Depends on no and age of children, but overall, I'd say that SAHM have a far easier day than WOHM

Around here, the SAHMs all seem to get dogs when their children start school, as a way to justify not returning to work

I recommend you read all of the OP's posts and then you may understand better the nature of the responses.

Nobody deserves any more respect than anyone else in their choice to become a mother. It's a ludicrous premise.

I understand what you’re saying and agree, but the sentiment seemed to get lost here.
There is definitely some stigma around being a sahm and I sometimes feel like I have to justify myself and what I actually do.

Then I'll thank your kids when the time comes. You just had them because you wanted them not to become doctors, nurses etc. I hate how parents try and take the credit for this!

If you’re a stay-at-home mum, you have young kids with you all day—you are the childcare. You’re constantly supervising, cleaning, cooking, and dealing with messes everywhere. When you’re a working mum, someone else is taking care of your child during the day, and your home stays tidier—no extra housework from kids making messes, no cleaning up after arts and crafts.

Stay-at-home mums still have to do the after-school childcare that a working mum would do. They still have to wash up and clean after dinner. However, they don’t have to get themselves ready for work, meet deadlines, or deal with work-related stress.

I get it—stay-at-home mums make this choice for various reasons. For some, the cost of childcare is higher than what they would earn in a month, making it not worth it.

Same but as a junior doctor married to a junior doctor- both doing night shifts, long days, weekends. Juggling our rotas to manage nursery runs etc. Absolute nightmare if one of the DCs was sick.

And to, to a PP - no, I didn’t have a lunch break at work and rarely got time to use the loo there either.
However, I don’t expect appreciation from anyone else other than my DH but that is mutual.

I'm always curious when I see posters on here talking about how "society" doesn't value their role as SAHM's. How many Mum's who WOH do you think feel valued by "society"? What does that even look like?

I work with children in a safeguarding role and I know my job to be socially useful, I know it makes a difference to individual children and to the community I serve but I wouldnt say my role is "valued by society". It's valued by my bosses, my colleagues and the families I work with (most of them anyway!) because those are the people my job affects directly. I don't feel, or expect to feel, valued or appreciated by wider society because my day to day work is unseen and not widely understood, or even thought about by the majority of people. Surely that's the case for most jobs unless you're a public figure or celebrity? Even then you might be valued by some but you'll come in for a fair bit of criticism from others. What exactly should society be doing to make SAHM feel valued and why does society have a responsibility to make SAHM feel valued when that's not the case for other roles?

I don’t know how resident doctors do it. Also, it was always the resident doctors with young babies and kids that kept failing their postgraduate exams. It was impossible for them.

I’ve done both - stay at home and working mum.

staying at home is much easier

Or they could be trained as doctors, nurses, teachers etc and instead choose to follow the example of certain posters, sit on those skills and let someone else fund them through life while they do finger painting and bake fairy cakes.
Or just bother with the education part at all and find a nice rich man willing to fund them early on.

Why do they deserve respect. And why does it even matter. Honestly this gets a bit wearisome.

I think there are lots of angles that posters are coming from, and it goes without saying, all those posting would not be here, having not passed the really hard newborn, toddler and kid stage. With all the ones saying it is a lifestyle choice, I wonder who was wiping their bottoms, sorting a nap and feeding schedule, making sure they didn’t choke on solid foods when introduced blah blah (as that is just noise to them and doesn’t resonate for those who are against children).

Raising children is a hard gig and it is not always appreciated by every audience.

I think don’t knock it until you tried it. Ignore the vile comments OP, find a way to laugh at the ignorance.

No

Maybe people should 'respect' nursery workers more.

What are you on about? Most of us here are mums and know what looking after children is like.

Yes! God knows how they do it I think I'd perforated my own ear drums out of desperation!

This is a very odd thread! SAH parents deserve the respect of their partner. But I really don’t see why society should give them more respect than anyone else: we are all just living our lives and everyone makes choices. This is one of them.

I did exams first and then had my children. I really don’t know how I would have studied, worked and parented simultaneously- I have respect for them on a professional level, because I know how hard it was doing just two of those things.

Ha. I parent, work away from home 50% of the time and am studying as well. I did professional quals whilst on mat leave.