Feeling very uncomfortable and almost violated after visit today by BT Engineer

[DontGoChasinWaterfalls]

I need a sense check and to realise I'm not overreacting.
BT engineer came today to upgrade my service to fibre optic broadband. He was late first of all which could've been accepted if he acknowledged he was late and apologised. He stepped into my house with his work boots on and I asked if he would mind wearing shoe covers as I have grey carpets. I'd never ask workmen to take shoes off and I provide the blue shoe coverings. He huffed and said he has to go in and out my house. Immediately I felt uncomfortable but explained I have a small child who sits and crawls on the carpet. He reluctantly agreed.
He somehow managed to jam the lock on my porch door by trying to leave it on the latch. After 15 minutes I managed to release it. He then tells me he needs a colleague to come to do something outside with the plyons and phrased it as "if it's after 2pm they won't bother coming". He eventually starts work after 40 minutes after faffing and I go upstairs to do some work.
5 minutes later I hear a panicked call asking if he could use my bathroom. Before I could say anything he was half way up the stairs. I froze and he directed himself to the bathroom. He was in there for 20 minutes and I was now downstairs feeling quite upset. Eventually he comes downstairs and doesn't say anything. I went upstairs to survey the damage and it was horrendous to say the least. To make things worse he rooted through my wardrobe to find the toilet paper.
I feel disgusted and sick..but feel like I'm overreacting as I don't know if he was unwell or has a medical condition.
He's got to come back tomorrow and I don't want him here.
aibu to call OpenReach to request another engineer???

Perhaps he had stage fright and embarrassment , knowing you were working in an adjacent room. Did you not see and stop him entering your bedroom?

Absolutely certain. I keep a large haul of toilet roll from Costco in the bottom of my wardrobe. It's used to top up the bathroom cabinet. If the wardrobe door and my bedroom door is open then you'd see it on your way to the bathroom.

Yeah I get you OP that sounds grim. Lots of posters will tell you the poor man needed to go, must have a medical condition etc, but there is absolutely no excuse for not cleaning up after himself and leaving everything as it was. It's not difficult. If he went into your bedroom and looked in cupboards that's appalling and you should complain.

We once had a group of 3 workmen in our garden for a whole day and it seemed all they did for an entire morning was come in and out the house like bloody yoyos to use the loo. One of them did a smelly dump and I snapped and told the guy in charge there are public loos in the park opposite, please use those from now on. I was pregnant and very hormonal and needed the loo constantly myself. I didn't want a strange bloke shitting in my bathroom.

He's clearly well used to scoping out potential toilet roll hidey places isn't he?

What a guy!

Me too.

Unreasonable to deny him a toilet visit (which you didn’t) but totally reasonable to be upset if he left your bathroom in a state. If he is not due to come back and you won’t see him again I would make a complaint. Just because he is working there doesn’t mean that he should treat your house disrespectfully.

Jeez some people on this thread have low standards… YANBU at all for being upset about this. Going into your wardrobe is a massive violation and I would be complaining. You’d think they’d have training on how to be professional in people’s homes, especially around lone women.

Picking on that one word is a side issue, and she said almost violated, the question is whether the OP is unreasonable to ask for a different engineer

So you think if OP calls Open Reach and lists the problems:

• late
• made a fuss about OP requesting dirty shoes not be worn in her home
• went through her wardrobe
• was rough with the door latch
• left the toilet dirty
• was unprofessional in discussing further works needed.

They will say "Oh, this is the standard behaviour from our engineers"?

If you don't believe a word OP says then don't bother commenting.

he left the window wide open but still a horrendous smell, there was marks in the toilet bowl, the bathroom mats were crumpled up as he didn't bother straightening them up after finishing, water all over the floor and sink, towel crumpled up, air freshener knocked over. He's also very young so no doubt probably still lives at home and doesn't know how to tidy up after himself but just an assumption. @DontGoChasinWaterfalls

You just needed to straighten things up a bit?

Tbh I was expecting a lot worse, I imagined the walls and towels streaked with poo and vomit, blobs of excrement on the loo seat and floor, dirty pooey finger marks all along the walls etc

I must have lower standards as I find myself straightening up the bathroom often with young adult children and their friends in the house!

But no one enjoys having strangers and tradesmen in the house, and it's obviously extremely uncomfortable for you.
So it might be helpful to find it a technique to help you manage your anxiety and to realise nothing terrible comes from having trashmen in the house, that you are still safe and in control in your home.

Sorry, how could he know you had toilet paper in your wardrobe? This really doesn’t add up.

What was the sequence of events do you think, did he spot them on the way into the bathroom and grab a new roll just in case it did he do some quick thinking while mid wipe and scoot to the bedroom hoping you wouldnt see him with his trousers half mast, it's not easy to be stealthy like that imo

Exactly. I smell bullpoo. No way would anyone on this thread be OK with what happened. Nope. No way!

OP is perfectly entitled to request a different engineer, maybe rent a Portaloo for trades in the future.

Exactly! Same here. And DH feels the same. Why do some people claim they wouldn't mind? NO-ONE would want this, come on!!!

If he had a sudden attack of diarrhoea and there wasn’t enough loo paper out, what would you have liked him to do?

I don't mind tradesmen/repairmen using my facilities.

The one time I did get upset was last year. The downstairs loo wouldn't stop running, so I called in the British Gas plumbing service. (I have a Homecare contract.)

Nice enough chap. I left him to get on with the job. He fixed the problem.

After he'd gone, I realised that he'd used the loo and hadn't flushed. Bizarre, give the reason that he was there...To my mind, it smacked of territory marking. (Fortunately, it was only urine. Even so...)

I really don't want to imagine but if I had to.. I imagine he insulated the toilet with what was left on the existing toilet roll.. then realised he needed a new roll and proceeded to walk into my bedroom where he would've seen the toilet roll on show on the bottom of the wardrobe and took one. I don't want to think of him mid number two hopping into my bedroom with his trousers around his ankles.

“I must have lower standards as I find myself straightening up the bathroom often with young adult children and their friends in the house!”

Why have they reached adulthood without being taught this? You are doing them no favours.

She’s said the wardrobe was open and the loo paper was visible. If he suddenly had diarrhoea and there wasn’t enough loo paper in the bathroom, what do you think he should have done?

@DontGoChasinWaterfalls I thought this was going to be the same BT engineer I complained about.
Telling me stories of how some customers asking him to set up the "X" rated channels on their TVs, how someone wanted him to set up his phone and somehow he saw their photo gallery and it was all home porn, he went as far as describing what he saw.
Also banging on about immigrants.
He stood in my doorway and I felt trapped.
I then started texting my DP asking him to come home because the guy was so weird.
Ever tactful (not) my DP phoned me up, he was irritated because he was at work, and shouted "what do you mean he's a weirdo" loud enough for the engineer to hear.
Eventually he left, but sat outside in his van for ages.
Now I won't wait in on my own for tradesmen.
Another time, a school dad came to do some tiling.
He thought I'd gone out, I was upstairs in my bedroom, and he came up the stairs holding a wank mag!

Sorry do you expect people to dry the sink after using it? You sound bonkers. It's clean water! It will just dry?

And I would not expect a visitor to spend time rearranging the hand towel, surely any crumpling would drop out in a few mins that's why they are hung from a towel loop like they are?

You can't possibly know he went in your wardrobe you admit yourself the cupboard door was open.

You sound like you have issues give you expect people to fussily dry a sink after washing their hands.

If you’re unwell with D&V then you shouldn’t be at work.

He didn't destroy the bathroom.
Buy a toilet brush, they're really useful

So many people completely missing the point, are you all deliberately ignoring the facts?

definitely not being unreasonable, this man doesn’t seem to know how to behave towards people, how tf does he hold down a job?