Feeling very uncomfortable and almost violated after visit today by BT Engineer

[DontGoChasinWaterfalls]

I need a sense check and to realise I'm not overreacting.
BT engineer came today to upgrade my service to fibre optic broadband. He was late first of all which could've been accepted if he acknowledged he was late and apologised. He stepped into my house with his work boots on and I asked if he would mind wearing shoe covers as I have grey carpets. I'd never ask workmen to take shoes off and I provide the blue shoe coverings. He huffed and said he has to go in and out my house. Immediately I felt uncomfortable but explained I have a small child who sits and crawls on the carpet. He reluctantly agreed.
He somehow managed to jam the lock on my porch door by trying to leave it on the latch. After 15 minutes I managed to release it. He then tells me he needs a colleague to come to do something outside with the plyons and phrased it as "if it's after 2pm they won't bother coming". He eventually starts work after 40 minutes after faffing and I go upstairs to do some work.
5 minutes later I hear a panicked call asking if he could use my bathroom. Before I could say anything he was half way up the stairs. I froze and he directed himself to the bathroom. He was in there for 20 minutes and I was now downstairs feeling quite upset. Eventually he comes downstairs and doesn't say anything. I went upstairs to survey the damage and it was horrendous to say the least. To make things worse he rooted through my wardrobe to find the toilet paper.
I feel disgusted and sick..but feel like I'm overreacting as I don't know if he was unwell or has a medical condition.
He's got to come back tomorrow and I don't want him here.
aibu to call OpenReach to request another engineer???

To go to the local supermarket or pub. What next? The Amazon delivery guy asking to use the loo?

Yes I suspect if you complain it will just take weeks to sort it.

Those engineers do need to go in and out of your house to install the stuff. They usually offer to remove shoes but some won't - but they aren't usually muddy or anything.

TBH I've never met a friendly one....

There was sufficient toilet paper in the bathroom. I imagine he took a large wadge and filled up the toilet so he couldn't be heard. There was a bathroom cabinet right in front of him.. I can only fathom he went into the wardrobe as he would've seen it when passing my bedroom to go to the bathroom (adjacent to each other) he left the window wide open but still a horrendous smell, there was marks in the toilet bowl, the bathroom mats were crumpled up as he didn't bother straightening them up after finishing, water all over the floor and sink, towel crumpled up, air freshener knocked over. He's also very young so no doubt probably still lives at home and doesn't know how to tidy up after himself but just an assumption.

Fuck that. He wouldn’t be coming back in my house. Yeh I’d feel my home had been violated. Call the office and tell them to send someone else

20 mins to do a shit? What's wrong with him?

Yeah, it's not like it was Sunday morning.

A tradesperson went into your bedroom & rummaged through your wardrobe.

Yes, report him. Did he have the right ID when he arrived?

He must be used to either removing his shoes or using covers if he's visiting people's homes daily.

I don’t understand the loo roll situation either.

If however you mean there was insufficient for his needs, then I guess if he saw it in a wardrobe he would grab it?

I would assume he had IBS/medical issues and wouldn’t take it further. I imagine he’s embarrassed enough.

Very Important Mumsnet Question: do you have a toilet brush?

So all those criticising the OP are fine with the fact he didn’t clear up after himself? That’s disgusting. And going in to her bedroom.

She didn’t deny him the use of her loo. There was no need to leave it in a horrendous state and also go in to her bedroom.

How was he late? They don’t normally give timed appts, it’s a morning or pm. If for instance your appts between 8am & 1pm, and they turn up at 12.55, that’s not considered late. Did he turn up in the afternoon when it should have been a morning appt?

He's also very young so no doubt probably still lives at home and doesn't know how to tidy up after himself but just an assumption.

What? Like 9 or something?
An adult who can hold down a job should know how to tidy up after themselves.

Violated?! That is a bit of a stretch!

I don’t have a problem with people using my toilet for what it is for.

He sounds like a pain in the arse but I wouldn’t be upset about it

Absolutely not! There is plenty of bleach and cleaning products in the bathroom though!

I think I feel violated because he just went in my bedroom. I'm a single parent and I have been single for over 5 years (happily) and no man has been in my bedroom since I moved here (5 years ago)

Ok, asides from the slightly odd ins and outs of the OPs situation - how on earth are there this many people who thinks it's unacceptable for a workman to use their bathroom whilst doing work in their house??! What is wrong with you all? It's a toilet, it is literally made for shitting and pissing in. Then the wonders of modern plumbing whisk it all away. I can not even contemplate the insanity of being affronted that a tradesperson might need to relieve themselves whilst at work all day. Asking someone into your home to help you, then insisting they pack up work and run around trying to find a public loo instead of using the perfectly workable facility in your home. What the hell is wrong with you inhumane people???? (Some small level of understanding for the PP with OCD)

He violated your house by defecating in your toilet? That’s literally what it’s designed for.

He sounds like a fucking troll or bear trying to use human facilities.

I would just tidy up and move on. He’s just a complete loser messing up everything in your bathroom like that.

I don’t think ‘violated’ is OTT if a stranger has been rummaging through your wardrobe. Who’s to say he didn’t look through OP’s knicker drawer while he was in there? He should not have entered her bedroom full stop. It’s a private space and if he did need access he should have asked permission.

Yes request someone else. I agree with other posters. He sounds rude and lazy. If openreach ask why you don’t want him tell them, say he was late and did not acknowledge this. That he was very reluctant to cover his outdoor shoes in your home. That he almost damaged your door lock. Then he went into your bedroom. Completely unacceptable.

Perhaps they’ve had experiences like the OP of mess and disrespect.

The bit about shoe coverings sounds plausible, and sounds like he was making a bit of a fuss as surely most engineers ask about keeping shoes on or not in someone's home. The toilet situation seems rather odd and I am not sure I fully believe this. Where is your bathroom? As it seems odd that they would then go walking around to get to a wardrobe in your bedroom. I don't know anyone who stores toilet roll in their wardrobe in a bedroom so why would they even know to go and look here?
I do think of someone is doing work for a few hours then they are likely going to need to use the loo at some point so you are being unfair to think this is wrong.
Requesting another engineer may mean you have to wait, so I would just grin and bear it. Do you have a friend who could come round to be with you if you are feeling uncomfortable?

Nowhere in my post does it say I denied him access to the toilet. Yes, I admit I wasn't comfortable with it but I didn't protest or deny him using it. It's the state of the toilet thereafter and going into my bedroom I'm most aggrieved about.

I can understand why you are upset about him going into your bedroom but if he needed the loo urgently and there was insufficient loo roll in there then I don’t know what else he could have done. It’s an unpleasant situation for everyone involved and I wouldn’t be happy about it but if you want work doing in your home then you have to realise that these people have bodily functions too.

I understand why you feel uncomfortable with his behaviour. Imagine if he was in the house of a vulnerable adult, he was unprofessional and as someone said crossed boundaries. If there was something innocent to it all, then an apology or explanation would have been offered. I’d ring and report the behaviour.

But you have a baby?