I want my BF to skip friend group ski trip

[nialetahc]

Hey everyone! I’m 19 (female) and my boyfriend A is also 19 (male). We’ve been together since we were 15, so almost 4 years now. When we first started dating, we both prioritized each other over friends. He didn’t like my friends (mostly guys) because they were rebellious, so I ended up distancing myself from them and spending time with A and his friends, who are now mine too, but if we ever break up, they’ll stick with him, so I still consider them his friends.
The issue now is that after almost 4 years of spending all my time with A (we moved in together) and his friends, we’ve found trouble with our personalities being very different. I’m introverted and antisocial, while he’s extroverted and sociable. To work on my social skills, I make myself go out with my friends from uni once a week (which he loves, because they are absolutely awesome), and on weekends, I either see my family (rarely, maybe once every 4 months) or his family and friends. He always comes with me because he’s also friends with my uni friends, and he loves it; he even asks me to come when I find another way to get there.
On the other hand, A goes out a lot more. He does all I do (as seen above), but he also goes out nearly every day, from Tuesday to Sunday, for about 1.5 to 3 hours each time. He says we need to go out more because of my antisocial habits, and that it'll do me a favour. I’ve asked him multiple times not to include me when he goes out because I don’t enjoy it, but he insists he doesn’t want to go without me. So I either go and ruin the evening by complaining, or refuse, and then he makes himself stay home because he doesn't want to go without me. Also, I don’t help because when he leaves me alone at home to go out, I freak out because I feel like it’s unfair. I try my best to always go out with him, but I don’t feel like he does anything to stay in.
Now, his friends are planning a ski trip, and they asked me to join. I said no because of exams (I really need to study) and I get car sick (it’s an 8-hour ride). My reasons for him not to go are that two people have never skied before, and A doesn’t enjoy skiing. Plus, it’s going to cost around 300€ for a weekend, which seems too much when A won’t even be skiing properly and instead will be watching his friends try to learn. Meanwhile, A and I were planning a holiday for July or August, somewhere like Greece or Bali, and it would cost about the same, but he thinks it’s too expensive. However, if we multiply the cost of the ski trip (150€ per day) by 7 days, it’s nearly the same.
I know this sounds complicated, but it’s all connected. I really want A to skip the ski trip and spend that time with me instead. I’ve made a lot of effort to go out for him, so I’d like him to do the same in return. But he’s likely going, and I’m frustrated because it feels unfair. I’ll be angry all weekend, I won’t be able to study properly, and I’ll be stressed because I have trouble sleeping when he’s not around.
So, I’m asking: Am I being unreasonable? Or am I overreacting? Or is he being unfair?

I’m sorry you had such a rough time in your childhood. I think it’s good that you have been seeing a psychologist - have you discussed with them how you don’t feel it’s helping? They may be able to offer a different approach or possibly refer to another colleague if it’s a matter of the ‘fit’ not being the right one. On the other hand, recovering from childhood trauma can be a long process and depending on how long you’ve been seeing the psychologist, it may be that more time is needed to see change. Wishing you all the best in your journey.

Your reasons for objecting to him going are, tbh, quite bizarre. So what if other people in the group are complete beginners? So what if he spends much of the time watching them learn? So what if he isn't much into skiing himself? Much of the fun of a ski trip is the après ski, being in a different environment, spending time with friends. Is that what you're really objecting to, that he'll be out enjoying himself with other people doing something you wouldn't enjoy?

I get your social phobia, I really do. But relationships between two different personality types thrive in one of two ways: either you choose to bite the bullet and push through your discomfort to share his social life or you accept your differences and content yourself with the fact that you have different needs socially, that enjoying your own company is no bad thing and you accept that. But you cannot expect anybody else to change for you.

Rather than considering leaving, might it be better to reflect on and work on your need for control, otherwise you're likely to take that need into any future relationship? We can only work on accepting or changing ourselves. We can't change other people.