Just want bio mum to step up

[mumsthewordi]

Long story short, SS decided he wanted to live with dad and me when he was 9,l and he is 13 now, it was meant to be temporary - but he’s never been encouraged to go home and BM hasn’t ever asked him! I was high risk pregnancy and focused on DD and they have a lovely relationship, but I’ve never got use to being a SM too, I feel quite blindsided too as the grandparents and OH just constantly tell me why he should be with us , and yes he’s happy but my feeling is no one’s ever encouraged a positive reconciliation- they say well “she doesn’t want him.” However, I don’t think it’s that simple and she also went through a lot during Covid when he made this decision. I have made sure they have contact but it’s not regular.

its hard but perhaps I feel this way as I don’t have a strong maternal bond towards him and for that I feel guilty because he has a mother.

Yes, I realised there were a fair few posts still on the thread after what I had read. I much preferred the old layout where you could see how many pages in you were …

Ffs right back atcha

and I don’t event Dislike her but she said he’s been taken from her and So will he Be - she particularly hates the grandparents

oh and SS speaks to bro weekly because I insisted upon it and his mother - on FaceTime

stop being such a hater and just think more than one party may not be perfect here

imagine that. A messy life

I do my darn hardest to ensure there’s a. Good quality of life given his parents divorce

Neither was a problem for me

Towards bills and Mortgage
just not a great deal and rest on kids needs

I’ve said why
thanks for paying attention.

I corrected this a while ago - it feels like it but yes he contributes a share

Of course the Grandparents are happy with this new set up.
If Mr Cocklodger hadn't found himself a new free home and carer then he'd still be living with them.
Op you're having a hard time in this thread but you met him during g a really difficult period in your life.
You fell in love with a dream.
And now it's all going a bit 'nightmare'.
In my view, you have a partner problem not a SS problem (that's just an added bonus).
My advice is to get rid of him but I know how hard that is as it's more 'Loss'.
But your partner is a cocklodger and taking advantage of you.
I'm so sorry.

He works and contributes and cooks and cleans. FFS.

thanks for deleting the trolls MN admin

How many court battles would you go through to see your DD? Personally I don’t think I would ever give up, and I’m sure you wouldn’t either. I can’t even see why it would take more than one to settle visitation for both boys.

I think you are too used to the status quo that you don’t realise how dysfunctional this all is. Maybe talking to the ex might be useful, but aim to get an improvement for all the DC. So they each get to spend time with both parents - including your DD.

Op don't feel guilty about the lack of a maternal bond. You are making sure your SS is well cared for and has a lovely home - that is OK.

His dad needs to step up though. You should not be doing all the chores and leaving him to play disney dad.

You feel the same that thousands of single mums feel about their exes who just abandon their children. Unfortunately you can't make someone care and step up.

I would take a big step back. Stop trying to get SS's mum to be more involved. You really can't influence that. Focus on ensuring your partner is a positive role model for his son by contributing to the running of the household and by doing the majority of the care for his son. If he steps up, you may feel less resentful towards mum and that would be a win.

@Poutysorrynever let the truth get in the way of a good story, eh?!!