Sister in law using same baby name

[Funinthesun20]

My sil has just given birth to my beautiful niece she and my brother have practically named the baby the same as my daughter 7.

Im talking close naming, think Grace/Gracie, Sophia/sophie, Rose/Rosie, Isabel/Isabella, Ella/Ellie….

Now, I know no-one has a right to a name and I know I don’t, that’s not what I’m saying, and I’m not even mad, just really confused! Surly when they were looking at names, they thought that one’s just like our nieces, not that one then? Like my husbands nephew is Theo and we liked Leo, but we thought that’s too close so moved on to other names.

Mine and my family’s reaction probably should have been better. But I was in complete shock when they told her name. I wasn’t rude, but my face said it all!

But the way they (sil and brother) are now acting as if they don’t have a clue why anyone would comment/react. As a lot of people are, as in family friends, wider family, even my work colleagues. Even my daughter is a bit confused “why does the baby have almost the same name as me?”
My mum is now laughing about having to list her grandchildren and say two with practically identical names!

I don’t know the point to this post I’m just…. Venting.

I don’t get what the big deal is.

I get that it feels weird, of all the names in the world and they choose one almost the same as your DD.
However I can see why they might have gone ahead with it id they absolutely loved the name. They've probably tried finding alternatives but just kept coming back to it.
And thought why shouldn't they use the name they want and love.

Fwiw my ds has a name that is one letter away from a similar name, and in my mind they are definitely two different names.

They sound like self absorbed idiots. No one owns a name, they can do what they want but others are free to judge their lack of common sense.

It's perfectly fine.
They have different surnames, hopefully.
Maybe your daughter's name was always your SIL favourite name and so rather than being exactly the same she has changed it slightly.

They just loved the name. It won't make any difference to your life.

It’s very strange but without knowing the exact name it’s hard to say. Ella/ Ellie are very different names to me but Grace/ Gracie is basically the same.

The fact that they were acting like they didn’t know why anyone would think it was strange makes me think they haven’t realised just how similar the names are.

Unless they live round the corner and your kids are constantly going to get mixed up when people are talking about them, then let it go.

you can reframe this. Be flattered theyxlike the same sooooooo much they couldn’t give up and move one

try taking it a compliment

I really can’t see the issue. It’s not the exact same name.

It’s also a compliment to your daughter, as they wouldn’t use it if they didn’t like her!

I don’t get the big deal either, sorry. My SIL is currently pregnant and early on mentioned to DH that we (unknowingly!) used one of her favourite names for our 10 month old DS. When he relayed this back to me I told him to tell her to go ahead and use it if she loved it, doesn’t bother me at all. The family would figure out a way to differentiate them through nicknames or whatever.

I don’t think it’s a big deal.

Sophie and Sophia might become Big Soph and Little Soph, but no one’s going to mix them up. If the age gap is big enough that your daughter can query it, they’re far enough apart in age.

Why is this your SIL issue and not your brother, OP?

Maybe they don't expect the children to be together very often? Maybe they're thinking of their baby with a middle name as well and not really clocked that Gracie Louise is very close to Grace? My parents have two grandchildren with the same first name, the children have never (in 13 years) met.

It's a non event, honestly the number of threads I've seen over this

How is it going to impact your life?

I must be weird because I find the thought of not caring about this absolutely baffling. I’m always so confused when people say they don’t find it a big deal because it would really stress me out! There are millions of names in the world, I just do not understand why people wouldn’t choose different ones. Unless it’s a family or meaningful name to them personally. My friends all think I’m a bit precious I think, and judging from the other replies on here I’ve definitely got issues 🤣, but I still can’t get my head round the idea of using the same/similar names in these sorts of situations!

I agree with you, OP, that this is a weird thing to do.

I can sort of understand more if it were the name of a grandmother whom the two girls share, but if not, it's just odd.

Just like on the other thread about horrendous and ridiculous spellings of names, an awful lot of people don't seem to actually understand what a name is for: to practically identify an individual and mark their place within the family and the wider world.

You're obviously likely to encounter people who share your name at school, in the workplace, when you make friends; you might even be called Lesley and meet, fall in love with and marry a Leslie! None of this can be reasonably avoided.

However, to do this deliberately within a family, when you know very well that other (still living) members already have the same/very similar name, is just ludicrous. Even more so if they share the same surname. We really liked a name that would have been a strong contender for our DS, except he already had an older cousin with the name, so that was instantly struck off our list.

Yes, the two cousins can become 'Big Soph' and 'Little Soph' (although that's confusing if their ages aren't that far apart and/or if the younger one ends up taller than the older one - and many children don't like being known as 'Little [name]' as they get older); but anybody who realises the purpose of names will instantly know that 'Sophie' and 'Eliza' make things so much more sensible and practical for everybody concerned, not least for the two cousins themselves.

I didn't vote either reasonable or not reasonable because I'm not exactly what your position about it actually is. Nor are we (understandably but still) able to know what names we're actually talking about. But it seems like you're mainly just surprised and trying to make sense out of it.

I wouldn't overthink it. I think they probably just really liked the name and don't consider it the same name because it's not. It's close to your daughter's name, but that's not the same as it actually being the same name.

I doubt the larger family etcetera is all that interested, either. Sure, they might make a comment but then they'll likely just move on. Probably nobody is as interested in it as you are, to be honest. Now if your SIL starts copying a number of things you do, that might get worrisome but them happening to pick a name that's similar to, but not the same as, the one you picked is most likely just a coincidence.

To look at it from a different perspective, consider if your number one name choice was Kaylee, Shannon or Carrie. Say you really really loved that name and that's the one you wanted for your child. It might or might not cross your mind that your brother/sister and their spouse had a school-aged child named Kayla, Shanna or Kara. If you did even think about how close the two names are, you'd probably say so to your partner. Then you'd both shrug and say, "Well, they aren't the same name and these kids are seven years apart, after all, and that's the name we like best, so that's it."

I think it's okay and best to just move on from it, unless, as stated above, they start copy-catting you to on multiple things, to a point where it seems creepy.

Why does your thread title say SIL? And not your brother?

It is an odd choice, though.

Just want to add that it also depends on what you consider "nearly the same name." For ex you said Theo and Leo are alike enough to not use one of them if a nephew has the other of them. But I think they're completely different and wouldn't hesitate.

Yeah it's awkward because of the close relation but what can you do, nothing. I wouldn't address it or hold a grudge about it either, it's just not worth it. But I do get it, it strange they did that.

I’ll be totally honest, and admit this would utterly brass me off. I could have course be a bigger person and take it as some kind of flattery, (probably a bit big headed). But I’d more likely be thinking, of the literally thousand upon thousands of names out there why pick one so close to one we’ve chosen? To my way of thinking…who does that 🤷🏻‍♀️

But that’s just me. I commiserate with you. Yes I know you don't own’ a name, but 2 cousins with practically identical names??

The SIL could just as easily be OP's DH's sister.

OP's post confirms its her brother and his wife

Why are you blaming SIL?

The first sentence of the OP is My sil has just given birth to my beautiful niece she and my brother have practically named the baby the same as my daughter 7.

IMO, this situation isn't necessarily bad - the children will likely be absolutely fine - but if bro and SIL are genuinely acting like it's not odd that they named their child an almost identical name as their niece when the niece's parents bring it up, that is strange. Perhaps they are too tired/distracted to fully engage?

FWIW, I have two cousins with the same first name (dad are brothers) and rhyming diminutives as everyday names. I don't want to be coy, so it's Margaret > Daisy and Maisie. I'd say it brought them closer as children, although Maisie opted for another short form of Margaret as an adult. But it would have been super weird not to acknowledge within the family that the names were the same.

Names that are not the same but rhyme - Theo and Leo, Cara and Zara, Chloe and Zoe, Jamie and Amy - don't necessarily merit comment and may genuinely not have been noticed, but use of the same name or variant forms - Sylvia/Sylvie, Rafael/Raphael, Isobel/Isabelle, Alexander/Alexandra, etc. - really do, especially if it's not a name used in previous generations of the family (in my family's case, both girls had the same grandmother called Margaret). I'm NOT saying the new parents don't have a right to use any name they want, but it's also weird to pretend it's not going to lead to speculation and comments.

I disagree with the majority, I think it's quite a strange thing to do. There are so many names in the world, why choose that one? But then I also don't really get being so attached to a single name that you can't look beyond it.