Sister in law using same baby name

[Funinthesun20]

My sil has just given birth to my beautiful niece she and my brother have practically named the baby the same as my daughter 7.

Im talking close naming, think Grace/Gracie, Sophia/sophie, Rose/Rosie, Isabel/Isabella, Ella/Ellie….

Now, I know no-one has a right to a name and I know I don’t, that’s not what I’m saying, and I’m not even mad, just really confused! Surly when they were looking at names, they thought that one’s just like our nieces, not that one then? Like my husbands nephew is Theo and we liked Leo, but we thought that’s too close so moved on to other names.

Mine and my family’s reaction probably should have been better. But I was in complete shock when they told her name. I wasn’t rude, but my face said it all!

But the way they (sil and brother) are now acting as if they don’t have a clue why anyone would comment/react. As a lot of people are, as in family friends, wider family, even my work colleagues. Even my daughter is a bit confused “why does the baby have almost the same name as me?”
My mum is now laughing about having to list her grandchildren and say two with practically identical names!

I don’t know the point to this post I’m just…. Venting.

You are being unreasonable blaming SIL- did your brother not have a say?

It’s a bit odd and i’d probably be a bit miffed too. As would most, if it wasn’t a family name and common to pass down generations. When choosing names surely 1st cousins and friends children’s names are out? Even it something very similar. It’s confusing for all the family.

More odd is they haven’t said why. I think if your SIL had said ‘Ellie is the name of my childhood friend who died so I always wanted to name my daughter after her’ then it would be more understandable, but seems like they just both like the name. Sounds like they are a bit surprised everyone has commented but of course people will, or at least look surprised. Hopefully it doesn’t cause a family rift as this should be a joyous time for everyone.

Our family share about 4 names. Even more confusing when a relative refers to for example, 'our Sheila', and we have to work out if it' auty, cousin, or sister!
Far more unreasonable things will happen in life
Evict it from your head

It wouldn’t bother me and, in your shoes, I wouldn’t have been troubled by Leo and Theo. However, as this thread shows, people have different priorities and it would bother some.

I agree with PP - it’s odd and a bit troubling that you’re pointing a finger at your SIL for this and not your brother but perhaps there’s a back story which explains this.

It’s not that big a deal as it’s a different name and actually it’s a real compliment.

You will always get a 50:50 split on these threads to those who are adamant you don’t own a name vs those who think it’s strange and sometimes upsetting.

i’d say it is very dependant on what is usual on your family and how obscure the name you picked was plus the reason you have picked it.

some people will say that they have twenty cousins called Thomas John and nobody cares. The next person who’ll say that they called their baby Thomas John after their deceased grandfather and then their SIL took the name just before they could use it and so it would be weird for them to use it. They are devastated.

speaking as someone who has a cousin with the male version of my name, it is strange. Thankfully we ended up as adults with nicknames but honestly you think there are billions of name choices and they went with that. My mum was a bit miffed at the time.

if had family members copy something about the names I called my children and yeah, I was a bit upset about it but nothing can be done.

I'm so surprised that most people claim it wouldn't bother them.
I would find it really odd to have 2 cousins grandchildren with the same or almost the same name esp if the family are close and spend lots of time together.
It's completely different if they were named after the same relative or it's a family name. But that doesn't appear to be the case, nor does it seem she was named in honour of her older cousin.
At best they realised it was similar but didn't care. At worst they didn't even consider their existing niece. Seems a bit mean and unnecessary either way.
There's obviously nothing you can do about it now. But I don't blame you at all for being surprised and disappointed.

You've clearly gone on about it in front of your DC if she really is saying that. I can't think of any 7yo that would be bothered by that, many would be delighted.
Dh's cousins nearly all shared a "nearly" name (and I wouldn't count Theo and Leo as close", and the one who didn't - her brother married someone with the same name. They aren't family names, nor particularly common either. None of them has ever been bothered.

It's really nothing to get upset about. I have loads of cousins, some with similar or the same names. It doesn't matter.

I think it is a little odd, but more for your parents than you

It's not the same name
I'm sure the grandparents can differentiate.

Well it’s ridiculous and everyone in the family knows this. There are hundreds of thousands of names, they are making themselves look stupid.

Sure no one owns a name, blah blah blah, but I wouldn’t use a name (or a similar variation) if a close relative already had used it. It’s just weird.
When I was pregnant my DH liked the name Thomas but as he already has a nephew named that I said no.

What are the actual names ?
Hard to say if you have a reason to be a bit miffed if we don’t know. Seen posts like this before and it ended up the names were not pronounced anything similar.
Why are you blaming SIL ? Did your brother not have a say ?

I think they should have given you the heads up first. I veered away from a name and it sounded similar to my cousins child although we hardly see them now.

A friend of mine had this with her sister, she named one of her sons Harry then 5 years later her sister had a boy and named him Harrison. Friend was a bit amused out of all the names out there she called him a name similar to her own son but her sister maintained it was a different name and that he would be Harrison only not shortened to Harry.

10 years on Harrison is known as Harry. Guess her sister just loved the name too much not to have it herself.

It’s really not an issue. Neither would Theo & Leo have been!

Also why not tell us the actual names?! I hate threads like this which moan about similar names but won’t actually share the names

I know, because that makes all the difference! It's hardly identifying.

My mum is now laughing about having to list her grandchildren and say two with practically identical names!

I don't think this is very nice of your mum

I’m usually a great believer in the “nobody owns a name” mantra and will always say it really doesn’t matter if you name your child the same as a friend/your DH’s cousin that you see at weddings or whatever. And no child ever suffered unduly from being Alice C or whatever. But to choose the same name as your own sibling is really a bit odd, unless there’s an extremely good reason behind it (eg it was SIL’s grandmother’s name which she’d always wanted for her own child or something like that). Apart from anything else, it’s likely to be rather confusing for your mother! And I’d be very surprised if the new baby doesn’t end up constantly addressed as your DD’s name as people are now used to that and will likely slip into it.

On the other side, though - everyone is alive and well and anyone who judges it as odd will firmly judge them and not you! Nothing you can do about it, so I’d just go with the “imitation is the sincerest form of flattery” line and try not to think too much about it if it irritates you. You’ll get used to it in time as the baby becomes her own person. But I can understand your irritation! Of all the names etc….

Yes, I think she can cope. My grandma had 2 Clares and 2 Johns. She coped.

After a massively complicated situation I met a long lost sister of mine when I was in my 30s.

Our oldest 2 children had exactly the same names and the third was very similar.

Everyone just said "Sarah's Andrew" or "Julie's Isla" it wasn't a big deal in the slightest.

I wouldn't say Leo and Theo are very similar names though, so if you stop venting at folk about the name when you tell people then they probably won't say a thing because the names probably aren't as similar as you think.

This. Why is it SIL's fault, not your brother's.
If my brother baby is child something similar to my DD I'd be a bit miffed/bemused but I wouldn't blame SIL.

Does this mean that you will be vetting schools based on whether there are other pupils with a name like your duaghters so that you can avoid it? Honestly, if people are commenting on their choice of name they really need to get a life. It's a name the parents like and they have a beautiful new baby - and all you lot can think about is some utterly self-centred non-issue? Your daughter picked it up from you.

Back in the real world… people are more likely to think ‘oh, that’s weird/unimaginative’ than ‘oh, that’s very normal’.
Yes, according to MN there are whole families called Jim & Pat but it’s always remarkable to the point of people having to bang on about it, and at the same time ‘a bit mad and confusing!’ - so clearly not all that common.

The whole point of a name is to identify someone. I certainly wouldn’t want to be ‘big’ anyone!