Sister in law using same baby name

[Funinthesun20]

My sil has just given birth to my beautiful niece she and my brother have practically named the baby the same as my daughter 7.

Im talking close naming, think Grace/Gracie, Sophia/sophie, Rose/Rosie, Isabel/Isabella, Ella/Ellie….

Now, I know no-one has a right to a name and I know I don’t, that’s not what I’m saying, and I’m not even mad, just really confused! Surly when they were looking at names, they thought that one’s just like our nieces, not that one then? Like my husbands nephew is Theo and we liked Leo, but we thought that’s too close so moved on to other names.

Mine and my family’s reaction probably should have been better. But I was in complete shock when they told her name. I wasn’t rude, but my face said it all!

But the way they (sil and brother) are now acting as if they don’t have a clue why anyone would comment/react. As a lot of people are, as in family friends, wider family, even my work colleagues. Even my daughter is a bit confused “why does the baby have almost the same name as me?”
My mum is now laughing about having to list her grandchildren and say two with practically identical names!

I don’t know the point to this post I’m just…. Venting.

I would be bothered by it and think it weird. But I also find it weird that people think it's normal to use a nickname to differentiate when they have a bloody name that should do the job. What's the point of a name if you then need something else to identify the person?!

I think people from large families where the family identity was more important than the individual, and kids just blended into one or numbers, won't understand how you feel. It's the same with women who can't wait to take on the name of their husband because they don't associate it with their identity - will never understand why someone might love their name (first and last) as something unique to them. I would say something so they know you think it's weird and do not let them nickname your child to differentiate from their own. Family will just have to live with getting them confused since they don't see a problem with it.

Because maybe they love that name and think it's what their baby should be called, why should they move on to another name that they dont love and doesnt feel right just because someone in the family got knocked up first

Depends on the actual name. I know brothers called Leo and Theo. Completely different names. Same for Ella and Ellie.

Thanks and apologies - that was my error.

The fact that you have put ‘sister in law’ and not ‘brother’ makes me think that there is history there, which complicates matters.

It might feel weird but I had my baby name picked out since I was 12.

i wouldnt have cared if someone got there first, I'd still have used it.

Maybe thats that's what's happened.

Thanks and apologies - that was my error.

Your mum is laughing? Nice.

Children of daughters really do count more than daughters of sons don’t they.

I think it's weird to do it, but equally I have a cousin with the same name who I have met about twice in 40/years and has no impact on my life.

Perhaps they just don't have much imagination. My husband is one of 5. The first 4 all have first names beginning with a P. The first and third were called Pauline and Paul. They all have the same middle name. By the time they had my husband they'd run out of ideas so they named him after his father ( first name , middle name and surname).

I never understood when people get sensitive over a name. in some cultures like Greek, they all have the same name as named after their grandparents. My children have distinctive, ethnic names. if people want to name their kids the same- great. I'd be honoured.

Even my daughter is a bit confused “why does the baby have almost the same name as me?” if she said that, which I don't believe for a second, it's because she's overheard you giving out about it or her granny laughing about it!

It's not the same name. I've cousins with tge exact same name and it's not confusing and we never batted an eyelid. If they were close in age I'd raise an eyebrow but I think this is fine. Consider it a form of flattery? They obviously think you've good taste.

I didn't use Theo for my son because its too close to my brother's name, Leo

It wasn't a biggie or the end of the world thing, just realised they were similar and moved onto thinking of a different name (probs like OPs family should have done)

I'm sorry @Funinthesun20 I just don't know what the big deal is about this. Most families have got several names that are the same. I have 3 Davids in my family, and DH has 3 Pauls, Between us we also have 2 or more Jasons, Ryans, Helens, Liams and Traceys.

Why do people care?

So you'd prefer your child take on a nickname to be differentiated in immediate family rather than be born to a name that doesn't cause confusion? That sounds more like you have an idea of the baby you want rather than doing what's best for them. Not to mention your baby could be born not suiting the name at all. That's why so many kids grow up hating their names (or being bullied) because most parents aren't thinking about life with that name in their specific circumstances.

My son’s Godmother named her son the exact same name. There’s a 16 year age gap and she asked me first (she didn’t need to).

Both my son and I thought it was a huge compliment! We love that we have Big Joe and Little Joe (not the actual names). I think it’s really special. As a previous poster said, you wouldn’t use a name if it was the same as someone you knew but couldn’t stand.

Of course everybody can cope; but it's just a case of deliberately making things more complex when it was the most naturally avoidable thing in the world.

It's a bit like asking if your 4 children can cope sharing the tiny box room - which I'm sure they can - when you have 9 large 'spare' bedrooms in your house that never get used.

Maybe your SIL has loved the name for years, well before she knew you or your child was born. She’s got every right to use the name she loves. For all you know they’ve already had to not go with their first choice because that was your child’s name- eg they wanted Sophia but settled for Sophie.
They are cousins, not siblings - it’s really not a big deal. It’s not even the exact same name. As for your mum “having to” list her grandchildren’s names and two being similar- boo hoo how will she ever get over it 🙄.

I would find it strange and quite selfish, too. I mean, how much do they love the name, really?

It’s unfair to have two children in relatively small family with a similar name, it’s a child’s identity and they shouldn’t have to share that. It’s also odd that the parents didn’t run it past you first before the baby was born just to gauge your reaction, and why they couldn’t at least use it as a middle name. They haven’t acknowledged you or your child’s feelings.

People on here either get it or they don’t, but to me it smacks of entitlement and arrogance.

My boyfriend’s brother and SIL named their first and second child almost identical names, think the Sophie/Sophia example.
I admit I did raise more than my eyebrows and to this day just think how could 2 adults lack so much imagination.

I did want to name my daughter a name but my cousin had her baby 3 months prior and used it so changed it, in reality though I should have stuck to my first choice as our lives rarely cross apart from big family events and it wouldn’t have had any impact.

Pretty much every male in our extended family is named Richard or Robert. It’s not really a big deal.

I suppose the proof of why names do matter is usernames on MN. Most people aren't selecting the same pool of names and adding numbers at the end to differentiate themselves . Imagine putting more thought into your MN username to differentiate yourself from internet strangers but questioning why a child needs a unique name in their immediate family.

Goes to show if most of us could choose our own names, we'd want something unique and memorable.

Why are you blaming SIL. Surely your DB is involved in this too?

it’s not uncommon to have repeat names in families especially if you’ve gone for classic names.

I don’t get why it’s a problem! My mum had 2 x grandchildren with the exact same name they were always know us. Boy and girl both called Alex.

its strange how some find it weird it wouldn't bother me at all and in some cultures its normal for siblings to have the same name. I know one family where both brothers are called Mohammad and one where one brother is called Koshin and one called Koshar