Sister in law using same baby name

[Funinthesun20]

My sil has just given birth to my beautiful niece she and my brother have practically named the baby the same as my daughter 7.

Im talking close naming, think Grace/Gracie, Sophia/sophie, Rose/Rosie, Isabel/Isabella, Ella/Ellie….

Now, I know no-one has a right to a name and I know I don’t, that’s not what I’m saying, and I’m not even mad, just really confused! Surly when they were looking at names, they thought that one’s just like our nieces, not that one then? Like my husbands nephew is Theo and we liked Leo, but we thought that’s too close so moved on to other names.

Mine and my family’s reaction probably should have been better. But I was in complete shock when they told her name. I wasn’t rude, but my face said it all!

But the way they (sil and brother) are now acting as if they don’t have a clue why anyone would comment/react. As a lot of people are, as in family friends, wider family, even my work colleagues. Even my daughter is a bit confused “why does the baby have almost the same name as me?”
My mum is now laughing about having to list her grandchildren and say two with practically identical names!

I don’t know the point to this post I’m just…. Venting.

I can see both sides - seems really odd to be acting oblivious to it! I’d also probably be a little bit put out by it given there are thousands of names to choose from.

however that being said, most of my family and friends have gone on to have children and we are struggling with infertility - nearly every name I’ve ever liked has been used by someone close to me! It can be difficult to avoid all names that other people you know have too. My cousin picked a version of my grandads name that I had always wanted which was disappointing but no one owns a name.

I do think however that picking the same or very similar name in this case given it’s your brother is abit silly - I wouldn’t have done it - at the very least they could have acknowledged it with you but they clearly don’t think they need to or that it’s a big deal!

nothing you can do unfortunately, you’ll have to come up with some nicknames!!!

Maybe it's because I come from a large family in a region of the US where family names are incredibly common and so having multiple living family members sharing names (including sometimes the same full name) is routine, but I don't understand the upset when people post about this. The family will figure out a nickname for one or both and they presumably don't share a middle or last name... it's a non issue IMO.

My dad shares his father's name, 2 of my cousins have that name, and 3 of their children have it - 2 of which go to school together in the same year. I helpfully went and married a man with the same first name which, surprise surprise, he also shares with his own father. It's never an issue and our family doesn't need each person to have a unique name for us to know and love them as a unique person. Several of my cousins or cousins' children have similar sounding first names to each other as well, so I suspect we just don't think of this is a reason not to use a name we love. I know people who have had names picked out for future children since they themselves were children and they don't want to abandon it because their sibling married someone who also loves that name.

I assume your response to your daughter was "because it's a beautiful name and uncle X and auntie Y love it as much as daddy and I loved your name when we picked it out for you"? At 7 I'm sure she's had children in her year at school who have the same or similar names that you can point to.

My cousin has the same first name as me. We were a little confused at first when she was born 10 years after me but it's been a non-issue.

People can’t call dibs on a name, but if a name is already in use by a generation in a family, no one else should use it.

i suppose it depends on how close. Theo and Leo are a bit matching, but not really variations of the same name. Sophie and Sophia are so close that a person named one often gets called the other colloquially so I would consider that giving their baby the same name.

It’s quite inconsiderate to the holder of the name to give the cousin what is essentially the same name. She will now have to deal with the overlap at every family event and people constantly clarifying which person they mean in conversation.

She may even have an unwanted nickname pushed towards her. If she isn’t happy about that, help her push back.

I suspect opinion on this may come down to how people feel about nicknames. I hate them with a passion that burns deep within my soul. That people constantly try to turn my name into a nickname is a source of frustration that never ends.

Saying the situation can be solved with a nickname feels mean-spirited. (Though I know people don’t intend it that way)

Why do you say your sister in law is using the same baby name?

Surely it's your brother who is more relevant?

Your DD is already 7. They’re not going to be in the same class, have the same friendship group, or hang out together. Presumably millions of girls have the same or similar name.

I wouldn’t care if I had a cousin with the same name as me, but “Big Soph” would be a horrible nickname for anyone.

It’s fine

lots of relatives have similar names or the same name! Not a big deal…

what’s in a name?

Because women are responsible for all crimes within the domestic sphere obviously.

Meh, I think this preciousness about names is relatively new and silly.

There were several cousins in my family a generation ago all called the same name, they used variants of it day to day. It wasn't confusing or difficult.

Saying the situation can be solved with a nickname feels mean-spirited.

It's not really a "situation". In reality, you're not going to mix up which child you're talking about within the family because context will make it obvious.

They'll likely go to different schools or be in different classes in different years and it'll make zero impact on their lives to have similar names to each other.

It's a manufactured problem.

My brother and one of our first cousins have the same given name. There’s about 12 years between them so we had big and little. Now they’re both adults we use first name surname to differentiate when we need to.

On of my friends called her DD the same name as my DD which at the time quite upset me but now they’re both teenagers and I don’t care.

I wouldn’t do it myself but over time I think it becomes way less important and the cousins might actually grow to like it.

I feel like most people on this thread are saying the name similarity isn’t an issue because they’re not in this situation, but if they were, they’d probably feel the same as you, OP.

If it were me, I’d feel the same way as you. I get that they might’ve liked your daughter’s name and wanted to put their own spin on it, but you’d think with it being so similar, they’d have at least mentioned it to you first.

I suppose there are families where different generations are named after each other . Sons named after fathers and their fathers before them.

Nah, I'd probably have been miffed.

But it's not actually a problem, it's just a bit like, I don't know, you're a fan of a niche band and then they get really famous and you feel a bit less special snowflake and go round saying "I like their early stuff". It's just an emotional pinch

It doesn't actually pose any real difficulty to have similar/same names in the family though.

There are lots of repeated names in my family in the same generations and I had two cousins with the same name, and an uncle and a cousin. DDs are named after my aunt and my paternal grandmother. My cousin's baby is named after our paternal grandfather.

I would be feeling… conflicted (?) too.

Deffo have a vent on here and get it all out. It’s daft and a little frustrating. but you will get used to it in time.

So, they like the name. 🤷‍♀️

I kind of get it, they just loved it so much they couldn’t not, and they probably deliberated long and hard about it. It’s so strange they didn’t talk it out with you beforehand though. We’ve two relatives same name and we’d call them eg Grace secondname or Grace from Dublin and a Grace from wherever. I thought it would be weird but it’s not at all

We had enough trouble when we named our child the same name as his cousin’s cousin, so not even immediate family iyswim. He was was always going to have that name as it was my father’s. We had comments about it being confusing. I said that if they couldn’t tell the difference between two children from different families who were likely never even going to meet, then they had bigger problems to deal with! It’s not an issue imo.

It’s silly. Out of all the names available, they had to choose the same as their child’s first cousin.
Are they generally imitators in life or does this name have some meaning to them?
There’s not much you can do about it unfortunately and it’ll be something you all will get used to.

All that has happened is that they see this issue differently from you.
You think Leo and Theo are very close, whereas I don't think they are close at all, and quite a few people will agree with that.
Your brother and sil may feel that Sophie and Sophia (or whatever) have a different sound and vibe so the similarity won't be confusing. You and some of your family feel differently. Nobody has been horrible, and the cousins will be fine if you let this go.

This. Why does it matter?