My 7 year old DD went missing

[NimbleBee]

Hello all (long post) bear with me.
Yesterday morning I was on a first aid course for work.
DD is 7 so was left in the care of my 14yrs old DD.
7yrs old alcoholic father come round the house not drunk at this time, so has offered to take 7yr old Dd to the park with a friend same age.
They went at approx 11am no food no drinks no appropriate clothing e.g no coat, no mobile phone.
I get back late evening no word from ex of my Dd whereabouts.
Gets to 20.00hrs. Dd friends parents call the police. Police come out take descriptions of the girls and my ex.
Police did a search through the late night and into early hours. No signs of them.
5am my cousin located all 3 a mile from my house. Ex has been drinking alcohol through the day yesterday and in the night.
The girls have been in his care he's been drunk all this time.
Dd and 7yrs old friend cold, tired, hungry, thirsty, shock up.
My Dd witnessed my ex (her Dad) get beat up by her friends Dad & uncle.
Ex has got broken ribs, broken collar bone, bruising, facial swelling, bust lip etc... he looks in a bad way.
Do I send Dd round to see her Dad as he's asking to see her?
DD currently in school to get back to normality.
Dd did say they had no food, no drink, walked for miles around residential areas, near rivers, over motorway bridges.

You left your 7 year old with him when you found her?!! Why the hell would you have done that? Get a taxi, anything, Jesus Christ.

Why were you dragging around children at 5am anyway, your cousins son and your 14 year old? You left your 14 year old all day in charge of her sister, you couldn’t have left her in bed while you want to pick up your 7 year old when she was finally found?

It’s baffling that you willing left your 7 year old whonyou said was shaken up.

I can't get past the fact that BOTH these children were sent to school as usual, having been missing all night long, had no food and sleep, prompting a police search then witnessing a violent assault perpetrated by one of their fathers on the other. I mean you may have made that decision for your child, which is weird enough, but for the other child's parents to have made the same decision is beyond odd. I'd have thought the police would have wanted to speak to everyone concerned for a start, not just sent them home as if nothing much had happened. I imagine the police will be informing Social Services too, so be prepared to answer to them, OP.

Also, how do you know that your ex 'looks in a bad way'? Why on earth have to seen him and spoken to him and why would you even consider sending your DD to spend time with him after such a turn of events? You sound as if you don't have very strong boundaries and lack judgement to say the least.

Good grief, only just seen this update. Horrific. OP you should have taken both children into the car regardless of the seating issue, and called the police. You knew they were looking for them. Where were they? Obviously it's not a coincidence that you managed to find them, so they must have been somewhere you suspected they would be. In which case why did it take until 5am?

14 year old should have stayed home.
You should have got out of the car and waited.
You should have called a taxi.

Why would you leave 7 year old who has had no food or water with an irresponsible and drunk adult??

Do not let your dd see dad alone ever. When things settle, if it is safe supervised contact might be possible.

You left your daughter to drive her friend home???? I cannot believe you did that.
You could have put her in the car and walked or called a taxi. Or risk the lack of seat belt to just get her in the car and away.
You then took a traumatised child to school instead of seeking help for her?
I hope Children's Services become involved as you seriously need parenting help.

You left your daughter with the man who'd taken her for hours?

Ridiculous.

Your tone in your posts is just bizarre, no outrage at the Dad, no concern for your daughter or her friend.

This thread is batshit mental.

OP, your judgement is seriously, possibly criminally, impaired.
Please seek some support from Child Services. This doesn’t mean getting your dc taken into care- they can help you to put some supports and safeguards in place for your children: currently you are failing at keeping them safe and well. It cannot continue.

So the father and the uncle managed to get there before you, in spite of the fact that you needed to go straight back for your DD and you knew they were going after him after telling them exactly where he was? Bloody hell. So you witnessed the attack as well, presumably.

Also you say your cousin found them, but weren't you all in the car together at the time? Or did your cousin find them first and come straight to get you without ringing the police or removing the children? So many questions.

She should have called the police!

My worry is that the OP was more concerned with protecting this useless man and doing some sort of cover up or damage limitation exercise for his sake, than in doing the right thing for the other child and her own DD.

This can’t be real. This is the plot of an itv drama surely???

I can't believe what I'm reading. Are you just flailing around in life bouncing off shit and hoping for the best?!

Why the hell did the search for your DD need to involve your 14 year old and your cousin's son? You were driving around looking for 2 small children with one spare car seat - did no one think 'hang on a minute, this maths doesn't work'?!

You left your DD with an incapable drunk adult while you went bopping off with her friend to deliver her home?? Where were they btw - you've said they were a mile from your house and had walked over bridges and god knows where and were cold and tired and hungry. It sounds like they were just outside somewhere, is that right?

Your poor DD, imagine being in that situation and Mum arrives to save you - and then fucks off again leaving you behind. JFC.

If your DDs friend hadn't been with her and her parents hadn't called the police, what would you have done? Would you have just waited and waited for your ex to bring DD home at some point or would you still have gone out looking for her?

you left your child in the care of this man whilst you took the friend home? What the fuck would you do that? Either this is all bollocks or something is very fucking wrong with your parenting.

He went out the wrong gate at the park which lead to somewhere completely different from where we live. The girls told him he was going out the wrong entrance because they had been to the park many times before. My ex told the girls he was going the right way and they had to follow him. My daughter says she felt she had to follow him as he is her Dad. The girls kept following him until they became lost. They got home once the alcohol was wearing off and he was coming to his senses. They were outside 4 or 5 miles from home.

And? What's the point of that info?

This over and over and over again!!!

I don’t understand how your daughter’s friend even became involved? That’s not clear from
your post.

Also you don’t seem to be answering the question of why you sent your 7 year old child to school who had been up all night kidnapped with no coat, food or drink. Hmmm

Daughters friend lives 3 doors down and was on the street playing with daughter. My ex told my daughter they were going to the park and my daughter wanted her friend with her. The friend went home asked her parents if she could go to the park. With my daughter and ex. Her parents said yes see you later.

You need to give your head a wobble. Your 7 year old is the most sensible in this scenario.

You should have called the police as soon as your 14 year old told you that your DD’s drunk father took her out. I can’t comprehend why you would even ask if you should let your DD see her alcoholic father.

Stop causing your children even more damage than they already lived though.

I am sorry to be harsh, but I feel so incredibly sorry for your children. Wake up.

I call BS. I dont believe a word of it.

You are getting into the minutiae of the logistics of the incident rather than the thought process behind the actions you supposedly did or didn't take.

Obviously you are a troll, I don't believe that someone who can write as relatively coherently as you can also be dumb enough to have acted the way you portray in your story. But just in case there are other potentially questionable parents who somehow find their way to mn and are wondering how to be better: prioritise and protect your child, however much you might enjoy the drama of things.

Yes your right my daughter and her friend are incredibly sensible. I am very proud of both girls for supporting one and other during this ordeal. I am beyond annoyed with ex for putting them through this.

Listen OP I'm not trying to make you feel worse but this is really really bad.

You can't let DD see her dad. You have to involve social service. Your DD needs support. You should not have sent her to school. You are making bad decisions so you need to get professional help here.

@NimbleBee have you spoken to social services or anyone to report your ex to ensure this incident is properly recorded so he can’t try and get access or partial custody etc of your child?

this is a really serious issue and you seem a bit lackadaisical about it. Anything could have happened. You had to get police involved. .

This isn’t the first time he’s shown he can’t be trusted with the care of his (or others) children I’m betting.

Your Anger and Fury at this man seems missing.

No more visits. No more access and explain to your child that she may love Daddy but he wasn’t behaving like a responsible adult.

I’m not saying slag him off - but I definitely wouldn’t be hiding that daddy has an addiction. An age appropriate conversation (lots of resources available online, from Al Anon and school) is needed.

Why when you found her why would you still leave her with him to drop off the other child who lived in your road. And then send her to school a few hours later.
All mental. You need to do better protecting her . A 7 year old shouldn't have to be so sensible that they cope with a traumatic experience like that.
And as most have said on here she should not be near her dad . Until he gets professional help and shows he has stuck to it for a long time.
Are social services involved?
When he found them in your street who was watching these 7 year olds ?
The other parents are just as bad