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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

My 7 year old DD went missing

198 replies

NimbleBee · 24/03/2025 12:21

Hello all (long post) bear with me.
Yesterday morning I was on a first aid course for work.
DD is 7 so was left in the care of my 14yrs old DD.
7yrs old alcoholic father come round the house not drunk at this time, so has offered to take 7yr old Dd to the park with a friend same age.
They went at approx 11am no food no drinks no appropriate clothing e.g no coat, no mobile phone.
I get back late evening no word from ex of my Dd whereabouts.
Gets to 20.00hrs. Dd friends parents call the police. Police come out take descriptions of the girls and my ex.
Police did a search through the late night and into early hours. No signs of them.
5am my cousin located all 3 a mile from my house. Ex has been drinking alcohol through the day yesterday and in the night.
The girls have been in his care he's been drunk all this time.
Dd and 7yrs old friend cold, tired, hungry, thirsty, shock up.
My Dd witnessed my ex (her Dad) get beat up by her friends Dad & uncle.
Ex has got broken ribs, broken collar bone, bruising, facial swelling, bust lip etc... he looks in a bad way.
Do I send Dd round to see her Dad as he's asking to see her?
DD currently in school to get back to normality.
Dd did say they had no food, no drink, walked for miles around residential areas, near rivers, over motorway bridges.

OP posts:
inadequatepillow · 24/03/2025 12:35

He might be an alcoholic but you’re obviously on crack.

CoffeeCakeAndALattePlease · 24/03/2025 12:36

I hope the friends parents are pressing charges!

No, DD should not see him until things become much safer.

Nazzywish · 24/03/2025 12:37

I really hope social services are involved with your family OP. For you to even ask this instead of cutting him off to protect your dd defies all belief. Poor dd got given a drunk for a father, can you at least straighten up and be a proper mum and out her well being first? . She needs you to support her and be there for her. You should have no contact with df until he's sober, the girls were put in danger -anything could've happened whilst he was out of his mind. What more do you need to see, a death? Fix up OP. Also if he's known as a drunk why didn't you specifically prohibit dd14 from letting her sibling go anywhere. Do you leave parenting to dd14?

Ablondiebutagoody · 24/03/2025 12:39

I would send the friend's relatives round again

CarefulN0w · 24/03/2025 12:42

So was the 14 year old babysitter also in charge of the other 7 year old, or did your ex make separate arrangements with their parents?

If it was the latter, surely friend’s parents would be looking for their child long before 8pm?

Sunbeam01 · 24/03/2025 12:53

I have no words.

Clarice99 · 24/03/2025 12:55

A first aid course that lasted all day and late into the evening?

Do I send Dd round to see her Dad as he's asking to see her?

Why would you even have to ask this?

MattCauthon · 24/03/2025 12:56

Surely this isn't real? When and where did your ex get beaten up? Was this when they were found

Why on earth would you even consider letting your DD go see him? I'd be pressing charges if I was your dd's friend's family.

Soubriquet · 24/03/2025 12:56

PsychoHotSauce · 24/03/2025 12:22

Do I send Dd round to see her Dad as he's asking to see her?

Fuck no.

Are you going to supervise? Maybe

Alone? Are you fucking crazy?!

Ellie1015 · 24/03/2025 12:56

She would never be seeing him unsupervised again if my dd. If she wanted contact I may see if suitable way to make it happen at some point much further down the line.

Dd is the priority not her dad.

NomorekittensSteve · 24/03/2025 12:58

I really hope this isn't real

Supporthelittleguys · 24/03/2025 12:59

I have so many questions. The main one ‘wtf? ‘

lifeonmars100 · 24/03/2025 12:59

I would be taking steps to make sure he was never allowed to be alone with your child under any circumstances let alone have any sort of input into her day to day life

TotallyForgettableForNow · 24/03/2025 13:00

This can't be real, no-one is that stupid surely?!

MarioLink · 24/03/2025 13:00

DD should never be in be in his care again. Allow no contact and if he wants to see her her supervised contact will have to arranged via solicitors. Your DD, her friend and your older DD will need support after this incident. They are the absolute priority, her father's needs or wants do not matter.

Never2many · 24/03/2025 13:00

Well the pair of you are neglectful parents.

It wasn’t you who called the police but the friend’s parents. Why?

Hopefully social services will come knocking at your door for leaving your child in the care of a minor who clearly wasn’t equipped to cope.

And as for the friend, if I was the mother the friendship would now be forbidden. Not a chance in hell would my child ever be allowed near you again.

ItGhoul · 24/03/2025 13:00

Do I send Dd round to see her Dad as he's asking to see her?

Are you fucking insane?

You also need to stop leaving your 14-year-old in charge of your 7-year-old if the 7-year-old’s dad is a drunk who randomly comes round demanding to take his daughter out without prior arrangement. What was a 14-year-old meant to do in that situation? He’s not even the 14-year-old’s dad.

Zippidydoodah · 24/03/2025 13:01

PsychoHotSauce · 24/03/2025 12:22

Do I send Dd round to see her Dad as he's asking to see her?

Fuck no.

This.

He’s not capable of being anywhere near her. Poor little girl.

BallerinaRadio · 24/03/2025 13:01

Another fantasy post to join the many others at the minute?

Wtf is going on lately

BMW6 · 24/03/2025 13:02

Seriously???????????????

Shetlands · 24/03/2025 13:02

Do I send Dd round to see her Dad as he's asking to see her?

If this is real, I wonder at your capacity to keep your daughter safe and well.

Zippidydoodah · 24/03/2025 13:02

Hang on a minute. You sent her to school?? 🤯

BrentfordForever · 24/03/2025 13:03

Shouldn’t you be in school 😏🙃

Mydogisamassivetwat · 24/03/2025 13:03

Jesus Christ.

Your poor dd and her friend. I’m so sorry your dd witnessed him being beaten up, but I can’t blame the other parent for that. I would have done the same to him If he’d taken my 7 year old off.

Starlight7080 · 24/03/2025 13:03

No of course you don't. You don't have anything to do with him.
If anything you should be pressing charges ! I hope the other child's parents are.
Who cares what that awful man wants .
I would be worried about the longterm trauma it's caused your 7 year old .