My 7 year old DD went missing

[NimbleBee]

Hello all (long post) bear with me.
Yesterday morning I was on a first aid course for work.
DD is 7 so was left in the care of my 14yrs old DD.
7yrs old alcoholic father come round the house not drunk at this time, so has offered to take 7yr old Dd to the park with a friend same age.
They went at approx 11am no food no drinks no appropriate clothing e.g no coat, no mobile phone.
I get back late evening no word from ex of my Dd whereabouts.
Gets to 20.00hrs. Dd friends parents call the police. Police come out take descriptions of the girls and my ex.
Police did a search through the late night and into early hours. No signs of them.
5am my cousin located all 3 a mile from my house. Ex has been drinking alcohol through the day yesterday and in the night.
The girls have been in his care he's been drunk all this time.
Dd and 7yrs old friend cold, tired, hungry, thirsty, shock up.
My Dd witnessed my ex (her Dad) get beat up by her friends Dad & uncle.
Ex has got broken ribs, broken collar bone, bruising, facial swelling, bust lip etc... he looks in a bad way.
Do I send Dd round to see her Dad as he's asking to see her?
DD currently in school to get back to normality.
Dd did say they had no food, no drink, walked for miles around residential areas, near rivers, over motorway bridges.

But where were they for all that time? What was he doing with them? I have a seven year old daughter and the thought of her being put through this by a friend’s family…it makes me feel sick.

What in gods name have I just read?

It makes no sense.
So your cousin found all three of them at 5 am.
Your dd witnessed her df getting beaten up by the friend's df and uncle.
When did this happen? After they'd been found? How did they have time to do that and your dd see it? Why didn't your cousin bring the kids straight home?

Why on earth would you send your daughter to school a few hours after she got home tired, hungry and shook up?

I can’t believe he kept two 7 year olds out all night until 5am! How terrified and cold must they have been? This is very traumatic for them both I think you need to take this very very seriously and cut contact with this man until he gets sober

If you really can’t work this one out I’d question if you should be seeing your children.

The trauma the kids have already been through apparently isn’t enough…

Your children need a social worker involved. He shouldn’t be seeing those kids without supervision.

I feel sorry for your daughters friend and her parents!

Do I send Dd round to see her Dad as he's asking to see her?

No. I'd be reporting him to child protection and, if he does school pickups, to school safeguarding. I wouldn't let him anywhere near her, and would take whatever legal steps that entailed.

I’m going somewhat against the tide here, because I th8nk your daughter needs to see her dad. Not unsupervised, definitely not that. But whatever he’s done, he’s her father, and if SHE wants to see him (not him demanding) then it’s important that she does. The last time she saw him, he was being beaten up. She needs to know 100% that he’s “ok”(ie alive).
As for your 14 year old, she is going to need a lot of reassurance that she is NOT to blame for what happened. And actually neither are you. It’s hard enough being a single parent, trying to spin all the plates without dropping one, let alone dealing with an alcoholic ex. But I think you know that your current set up isn’t working, and you need a rethink on how you all move forward from here.

I would be going to court to get a no contact order. Make sure this event is well documented everywhere it can be

How anyone can think this is real is beyond me 🤦‍♀️

Against the tide? Absolutely batsh*t you mean, surely?

Honestly? I’d really question your decision making as a parent here. You leave your 7yo in the care of your 14y/o all day - not bad in itself but it included another 7yo and allowing a drunk parent to take them away.

You don’t call the police for hours then when your 7yo gets home at 5am you’ve sent her to school (!) and then asking if you should send her to her dad’s again.

This absolutely cannot be real. End of. No way would social services not be involved, no way would you send your child to school on 2 hours sleep. No way would you consider letting your daughter anywhere near this man for a very long time.
it just can’t be real so I will report it.

You need to be reported to SS yourself. You're clearly not capable of preventing harm coming to your children. WTF is wrong with you - asking if you should send your DD to her dad after that????
You obviously have no idea how incredibly lucky you were yesterday. Things could have been much much worse.

I hope your DDs school know, so a) you can he referred to SS as you clearly need some kind of parenting course, and b) she's hopefully referred to a counsellor or therapist so she can talk about and process what happened - clearly you're not going to be a safe space for that.

If this is real you don’t deserve your children.

to expect a 14yr old to look after an 7yr old for the entire day is ridiculous, was she supposed to cook lunch and dinner for them? Do bed time?
and you didn’t even check in on them or raise the alarm. Then sending a likely traumatised child to school.
You are disgusting and this is just as much your fault as it is the ex.
I bet you haven’t even considered what this could do to your eldest too.

One of the things I find so unbelievably outrageous about this post, isn’t just the sequence of events that happened, it’s that your question is “should I let her see him”

Seriously?! Not “how do I stop the bastard getting anywhere near her again”?!!

It got taken down earlier. MN “had a look behind the scenes” whatever that means and then reinstated it 🤷‍♀️

You both need investigating if you actually think this is acceptable. He deserved what the other men did to him. If I left my kid in your care and you went out leaving them in the care of another child and the dad went off with them untill 5am I'd be on your case as well.

Are you mad! Of course you don’t send her round there! I cannot believe you are even asking!

Yeah sounds fine to me, just send her out with a coat next time and I'm sure everything will be fine. SAID NO FUCKING PERSON EVER.

I really don't think you should even be a mother yourself if you would need to ask if he gets to see her again. FFS get firm and protect your kids, they need you!

There's also no way I'd leave a 14 year old all day with a 7 year old without at least 4 calls home to check on them both throughout the day? Every training course allows breaks.

So many questions about the friends family too..

That family must be just as rough to not look at this situation and think it was a red flag. Normal male adults don't knock on a door and ask to take a strangers child to the park because their child is friends with them? You'd take one look up and down at the child wearing no coat for a start and decline...

I'm not sure what's worse - the man is a stranger, so they don't know he's an alcoholic... then they've let a strange man take their DD to a park unsupervised.
Or, they know who he is and probably realise he's an alcoholic... so they let their child go out alone with an alcoholic.

Why did the family wait until 8pm to call police? A trip to the park at 11am - I'd have called police if I hadn't heard anything by 1/2pm?

And why didn't you call home during your training course to check on your kids????

I'd be on here asking on advice on how to permanently delete this wanker from my kids life - not asking about when he can see her again.

Op, i think he's a danger to your dd and you need a court order in place regarding custody arrangements as soon as possible. Supervised visits at most until he can show he's turned his life around. Your poor dd, how is she now?

@Whatafustercluck thank you. DD is feeling much better after last night ordeal.
She seen her friend after school, the girl who went missing with her yesterday.
Dd is upset that her Dad was attacked by the girls father & uncle and is enquiring after him.
She says she feels to blame that he got attacked. She feels it is all her fault.

I hope the friend's dad and uncle dont get done by the police for their totally appropriate reaction.

Maybe it'll help your twat of an ex to grow the hell up

If this is genuine why are you even asking this question! Your child should only be having supervised contact at a contact centre! Hopefully friend’s family and police have contacted SS as it’s totally unfair to expect the 14 yr old to take responsibility for a 7 yr old particularly when the father is an alcoholic and may just turn up!