My 7 year old DD went missing

[NimbleBee]

Hello all (long post) bear with me.
Yesterday morning I was on a first aid course for work.
DD is 7 so was left in the care of my 14yrs old DD.
7yrs old alcoholic father come round the house not drunk at this time, so has offered to take 7yr old Dd to the park with a friend same age.
They went at approx 11am no food no drinks no appropriate clothing e.g no coat, no mobile phone.
I get back late evening no word from ex of my Dd whereabouts.
Gets to 20.00hrs. Dd friends parents call the police. Police come out take descriptions of the girls and my ex.
Police did a search through the late night and into early hours. No signs of them.
5am my cousin located all 3 a mile from my house. Ex has been drinking alcohol through the day yesterday and in the night.
The girls have been in his care he's been drunk all this time.
Dd and 7yrs old friend cold, tired, hungry, thirsty, shock up.
My Dd witnessed my ex (her Dad) get beat up by her friends Dad & uncle.
Ex has got broken ribs, broken collar bone, bruising, facial swelling, bust lip etc... he looks in a bad way.
Do I send Dd round to see her Dad as he's asking to see her?
DD currently in school to get back to normality.
Dd did say they had no food, no drink, walked for miles around residential areas, near rivers, over motorway bridges.

You've made a few serious errors of judgement. It was not fair to expect a 14 year old to look after a 7 year old from early morning to late evening. Especially as the 7 year old has an alcoholic father who has contact and is unreliable. And that you didn't check in with the 14 year old during that time. You should have known your daughter was out without food and drink and appropriate clothing and raised the alarm much much earlier.

Do not now make another serious error of judgement by letting your 7 year old see her Dad unsupervised. He has shown that he cannot be trusted to keep her safe. If she's worried about him (having seen him be beaten up) then maybe think about a video or telephone call so she can see that he's okay. Or for her to make him a get well soon card. But that depends on the police advice to you - are they going to charge her father and is she allowed to contact him.

I'm also surprised you sent her to school. But hope that you at least warned the school that she'd had such a traumatic day. Same for your 14 year old too.

She was missing until 5am this morning, tired, hungry and scared, saw her dad being beaten up (deservedly), and you sent her into school a couple hours later?

Every single adult in this story needs reporting to social services.

No. The OP is just as much to blame. She went out at 8:00 on a Sunday morning, left her 7 year old to be looked after by a 14 year old who I am positive was not going to be thrilled about the fact, and then when she came home to discover her daughter had gone missing didn’t even think to call the police - the friend’s parents did.

Then when the child was found at 5 AM the OP sent her in to school and is actually questioning whether she should let her see the alcoholic father who is responsible for her going missing in the first place.

And you’re saying she didn’t do anything wrong?

The child should be in care and the OP should be being charged with neglect.

WHAT - you never let him see her unsupervised again and certainly not until he can prove he’s sober!! Like are you ok?!

This is shocking! Your poor child!! She will never live this down at school! Those children will all be traumatised! I’d expect my husband to do the same to your ex for kidnapping them too!

Wow - I don’t think I need to weigh in here really, but I would escalate this asap. Make sure you have ALL the details, the police you spoke to (name & badge number) incident/report number, how and when things happened according to you (a timeline of events and stress levels etc) and how they actually happened, then you take that to social services (if the police haven’t involved them anyway) and CAFCASS, and any other child support people you can think of. And then you apply to the courts to make sure your DD is never left in his care unsupervised again. If you don’t do this NOW, things will never improve.

I do hope for your children sake someone has informed social services! You left a 7yr old with a 14yr old for a start! That poor 14yr old wasn’t capable of stopping the abusive father taking your other child. Now you’re asking if you should let the 7yr old see the father. Your just as stupid as him

This post is so odd.
So your 14 year old was left on a Sunday at 8 am with two 7 year olds ?
Did the other parents know that a 14 year old was left in charge ?
And after such a traumatic day/night you then sent your child to school?

Are they police involved? Are ss?

If social work services are not already all over this they soon will be. The police will almost certainly have made a referral to them.
There’s a few things I don’t fully get. You left DD in the care of her 14 year old sister to go on a course. What time were you expecting to be back? What if her father hadn’t come round and offered to take them to the park? How long would your older DD have been left to care for your younger DD? I’m not sure I’d trust a 14 year old to care for a 7 year old for anything more than an hour or so if that.
So ex didn’t say ‘I’ll look after the kids till you get back’ he offered to take them to the park- what were the plans supposed to be for after the park? Cos it all sounds a bit lax, unless it’s just how you’ve worded it.

No, absolutely do not let DD see her dad. You do realise it’s your job to keep her safe? He’s put her at just about the worst risk i can imagine and I can’t actually believe you even have to ask. If you keep allowing him contact, and SWS do hear of this, you will not come off smelling of roses.

Absolutely fckn not!!!! She’s 7, she’s too little to be seeing this! Literally anything could have happened to those girls in that space of time, that must have been traumatising for them both.

stop contact and get legal advice as best not fit to take her!

Seriously???
You left a 7 year old to be looked after by a 14 year old until “late” in the evening … and then waiting until 8pm before you did anything, knowing an alcoholic was in charge of two 7 year olds and they had no coats!?!?
Now you are asking if you should let your 7 year old see him again??
Are you ok? You’re very lucky that something very serious didn’t happen to them. You should be reported for neglect and I’m very surprised that this hasn’t been reported to social services!!!!

I might have clicked the wrong poll. Absolutely do not send you DD round. His behaviour is completely unacceptable and I’m so sorry the girls went through that.

Hope you get visit from social services very soon.
Hopefully this is just made up by troll as it can't be possibly real.

I’m so hoping this is all a mad fib, if not, then I’m just utterly shocked.

Did you really send your little bab to school after that? He deserved much more than a kicking from the friend’s Dad and Uncle IMO.

I understand how difficult it is, being a sole parent with minimal support, but Christ - wake the hell up.

YOURE upset? Fucksakes OP. You're as negligent and self absorbed as your ex!

A 14 yo cannot be left in charge of a 7yo, just look what happened. Why did YOU not go to the police? Why do you allow this alcoholic to have care of you your child at all? Nuts.

I'm sure SS would have a field day if you allowed your DD unsupervised contact with him again. They'll be paying you a visit very soon anyway after getting a police referral regarding the incident, i'm surprised they haven't already. I don't condone the friend's DF and uncle attacking your ex in front of the children but can understand their anger over the situation, absolutely anything could have happened to the girls. I really cannot understand you asking MN if you should let your DD see him again though, surely your mother's instinct should be screaming at you to safeguard her!!

Oh my GOD!!

I haven't got time to read whole thread but just wanted to quickly say you can't leave your younger DD in the older one's care while you have an alcoholic man roaming around on the scene likely to turn up and try to take the younger one out of her home.

It's not fair on the older girl and horrific for your younger DD.

Horrific for the poor friend as well. But I'm pretty sure my DH would be wanting to kill the bloody man as well if our DD had been taken out all night like that, with him pissed up.

Don’t be ridiculous. You really think sending her round to visit him after this is wise? Children’s services will have been informed by the police. You need to demonstrate that you are capable of keeping your children safe and so far you’re not doing a very good job of that.

These children need at least one decent parent in their lives but don’t seem to have any 😳

They both must be traumatised :(

Nonsense.

I beg your pardon? 😳😳😳😳

You know the answer. You don’t ever have your child around this man again.
If there’s already a child arrangement order in place, I’d be going back to the courts with the police reports to try and have visitation removed altogether considering he is clearly a danger to your child.
Generally courts only remove access if there is a serious safeguarding risk, which in your case I’d say there 100% is.

To be fair we don’t know what guidance OP has given said 14 year old. She might have told her it was fine. Which would be unsurprising given her post !

You have just said that you knew he was an alcoholic and you allowed your daughter to go with him, unsupervised. Why?
without being rude I think you need to have a chat with yourself about putting your child in danger.

I think its a bit harsh to say a 14 yr old cannot mind a 7 yr old, in normal circumstances this should be OK. Sometimes a single mum needs to do things another mother may not do because of her need to work and no childcare. So I don't think this in itself was the problem. The 14 yr old cannot be blamed either, what could a kid do against a persuasive man who is the child's father. In that respect I think OP is getting a hard time.

However there are many other elements that seem strange and neglectful. The 14 yr old should not be put in charge of the second child. The teen should have known to not allow the second child leave. The teen should immediately call OP when the children left. The OP should have checked in regularly on the teen so would have found out if the teen forgot to phone. The parents of the second child should check in to see what's going on. They should not have let their child stay under the care of a teen in the first place, they should be checking in with OP regularly and should have realised the situation earlier, im presuming the child randomly called rather than arranged to be there. The alarm should have been raised immediately once OP and the other parents knew the children were gone. The other child's family should not have beaten up the man, regardless of circumstances. They certainly shouldn't do this in front of the children, they sound like thugs. The child should not have been sent to school. Mostly the OP should not in a million years consider leaving DD with this man.

Your alcoholic ex-partner is not the only problem in this scenario. You’ve clearly normalised situations that are, frankly not acceptable. Your actions have condoned your partners behaviours, you’re playing victim but you are not the victim. Your children are.

You and your ex partner need to have a good long think about whether the children in your care are safe. Because this post says to me, that they are not.