Aibu No security at Daughters dance class

[loveyoutothestars]

My 8year old daughter has been attending the same dance class since she was 5. The teacher is lovely, but she is the only adult in the room (she does have a teenage helper). Since the tragic events at a holiday club in summer last year, I have been growing more anxious at the lack of security at the dance class.

The class is held in a local village club, where there are a few small social rooms and a bar. It is very open and people come and go quite easily. The children enter through an unlocked door and exit through the fire exit, although with the warmer weather returning I noticed she has taken to propping the fire exit door open throughout the class which makes me very uneasy.

Parents drop off and pick up for the session, although occasionally I will hang around outside because of my nervousness.

I don’t know how to approach the teacher with my concerns as don’t want to be seen as an overly anxious mother, but events in the news terrify me and it feels like she hasn’t considered how vulnerable the class could be. It is worth mentioning that 5 mins away there is a Psychiatric hospital and we often see patients out and about in the community, although not always appearing well. Although I’m not suggesting this is my only concern, I do worry how open and vulnerable the class appears.

AIBU to raise this concern with the teacher? There isn’t usually time for any interaction between classes so communication is via email.

Appreciate your thoughts on how to approach, but please be kind this is my first post.

Can someone tell me how to close this post down now?

Just wanted to say solidarity OP. I was massively shaken up by Southport (my kids are 3 and 1) and had visions of nutters running into every Tumble Tots class afterwards. I ploughed on anyway but am now getting help for my anxiety. I hope it works 😓

Ultimately, we are completely failing our kids if we don’t let them do classes and have adventures without us there. I know that factually, but the anxious thoughts still plague me and it’s rubbish. So yeah, sending love.

'That’s like saying crazy people drive cars through crowds so perhaps keep children at home at all times'

No it's like saying crazy people drive cars through crowds so let's have massive concrete bollards everywhere to stop them.

That’s fair enough, both of our closest pools have a reception desk and a small gate they have to release to allow you through so would be a lot harder here.

You could either offer to pay for security or stay to watch your child?

Your fears are irrational. Please don't mention you will look like a nut job. Literally the majority of classes across the country are held like this.

I can't say as I ever thought about security for a dance class in a village hall, nor should anyone have to, regardless of recent events. For little ones I'd want to know the teacher was keeping an eye on them and that they didn't have too many to watch over. But that's it. There have always been random horrific mass killings from time to time. At least it's once in a blue moon, not every week like in the US and we don't have a gun ownership culture.

Just press report on your post say posters are attacking you, calling you ridiculous and it is causing you distress, mnhq will probs delete.

OP : most people here have said your issue with the dance class is over the top, but many empathise why you feel like this,
you are not going to get the validation / head pats you are seeking, you are now seeming to snap at those offering their opinions, that you invited - take the advise you’ve had and do with it what you will !!

I understand thoughts like this popping in to your mind but it’s really not healthy to allow them to have any headspace at all.

But locking the door isn't useful. The doors are opened during pick up and drop off. If someone is keen on killing kids, they could drive a car into a crowd in the city center. Or smash the window with an axe. Or gate crash a school summer fayre.

Thank you.
If that hasn’t alleviated the OP’s fears for her child’s safety nothing will.
Thanks for caring.
FFS.

I know they’re not- please don’t jump on me as this is very traumatic to post about.

obviously the Dance teacher isn’t going have a new door and entry system installed so OP will need to ask them to make better security out of whatever is there.

im just asking people to consider that security that stops people getting in is also at a risk of stopping people getting out.

^^ that was in response to @Gloriia

“No one is suggesting doors are bolted and a padlock insitu that no one can open quickly.
These days there tends to be a quick exit button that one presses.”

She can’t run her business unless you parents pay for security. It won’t be viable.

Really wish they would teach risk assessment and statistics better in schools.

A mass shooting at a Scottish school was a "one off" security in schools has changed because of that

, I do think that things that go on in village halls or brownie huts need to consider security and safety and not leave fire exits open etc..

Of course she can although it would need to involve the premises owners she's just hiring a room isn't she?

Yes, you are being a unreasonable.

Risk is part of life. I have you g children who extra curricular activities, and most aren't locked. The risk is incredibly tiny.

You can't stop a nutter who is determined to find a way to hurt anyone (including children). Having a reception, entrance gate, etc is irrelevant too as anyone could have a concealed knife or gun (and larger weapons in bags).

Life is too short to panic about these sorts of tiny risks. Someone could walk into a church, library, shopping centre, swimming pool, cinema. Thankfully it's incredibly rare, but there's little we can do about it.

I’m not snapping, I just feel like it’s gone very off topic and people are quite mean! Using foul language and being quite rude saying I’m ridiculous! It’s certainly not a supportive place to ask a question although I have thanked everyone for their opinions multiple times.

I think most posts have acknowledged the fear we have of anything bad happening to our children. But if that fear gets out of hand we are stopping our children from living their fullest lives

Not being pandered to, so shut it down?

I think people are being overly dismissive of your concerns here. After the Southport attack anyone running children's classes should have updated or reconsidered their safeguarding protocols to mitigate the possibility of a knife wielding intruder being able to gain access. It might be a rare event but once we have one very highly publicised event, there could be a higher chance of a copy-cat style attack.

Of course, the risk can never be zero but I don't think it's acceptable for any Tom, Dick and Harry to be able to walk into a room containing a group of children only supervised by a couple of adults. Keeping the fire escape door closed and having some sort of buzzer or code entry to the main door seems sensible. Neither of those things prevent egress in the event of a fire or other emergency.

I don't know what the security set-up was for the place where the Southport attack happened but it may well have been the case that Rudakubana would have been deterred by a simple entry system on the door. He didn't seem like the best organised of criminals - wasn't he prevented from attacking his old school because his dad wouldn't let him get in a taxi?

The thing is though the brownies arrangements you've just described are more dangerous in the event of a fire surely?

Which is more likely, a mass stabbing incident or a potential fire?

Sometimes you cannot eliminate all risk

It’s not about being pandered to, I just wasn’t expecting a simple question to generate 100 ways your child could be killed - I’ve taken what I needed from the responses and think I’m better off in real life than asking nameless people for their opinions so I want to shut it down.

I don't think the responses are off topic, they are just explaining that you can't control every eventuality and an unlocked door at a dance class isn't going to solve the problem you think it will. Everyone has anxiety about some things but whether it is "anxiety" which requires medical help or just normal anxiety is determined by comparing it to the norm or average and these threads will tell you what an average level of concern amongst one group, which is not necessarily representative of society as a whole, looks like.

OP, ask to see the venues risk assessment. The dance teacher may also have one. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with highlighting this with her.