Aibu No security at Daughters dance class

[loveyoutothestars]

My 8year old daughter has been attending the same dance class since she was 5. The teacher is lovely, but she is the only adult in the room (she does have a teenage helper). Since the tragic events at a holiday club in summer last year, I have been growing more anxious at the lack of security at the dance class.

The class is held in a local village club, where there are a few small social rooms and a bar. It is very open and people come and go quite easily. The children enter through an unlocked door and exit through the fire exit, although with the warmer weather returning I noticed she has taken to propping the fire exit door open throughout the class which makes me very uneasy.

Parents drop off and pick up for the session, although occasionally I will hang around outside because of my nervousness.

I don’t know how to approach the teacher with my concerns as don’t want to be seen as an overly anxious mother, but events in the news terrify me and it feels like she hasn’t considered how vulnerable the class could be. It is worth mentioning that 5 mins away there is a Psychiatric hospital and we often see patients out and about in the community, although not always appearing well. Although I’m not suggesting this is my only concern, I do worry how open and vulnerable the class appears.

AIBU to raise this concern with the teacher? There isn’t usually time for any interaction between classes so communication is via email.

Appreciate your thoughts on how to approach, but please be kind this is my first post.

I think it's reasonable to have a chat with the teacher and mention your concerns, maybe acknowledging some anxiety in the process and come at it with curiosity (what their risk Ax is) rather than they aren't doing enough type thing.

I do get it, I took my DD to Disney on ice at the weekend and I thought a lot about the Ariana Grande concert bombing, as we were at a similar sized arena. I was so reassured by security there, bag checks and people scanners etc. so I do think it's good when we can take something from these incidents. Though I'm not sure what the solution would be in your case other than perhaps leaving the door shut and using a fan to cool, instead of having it wide open.

It’s an interesting discussion. Everyone is right about it being more likely that a child is knocked down by a car than someone enters a property and starts killing children. However, this doesn’t stop schools being locked though. They have really strict provisions for safety and it’s interesting that children’s activities don’t operate the same way. And I get that outdoor activities etc can’t be locked down and I’m not suggesting they should be but I don’t think the op is being unreasonable. We take our young children to school in a very safe and locked environment with lots of processes and procedures for safeguarding, then just drop them off at ballet with one adult only and all the doors open.

OP, a dance class is infinitely less likely to be the scene of an attack than, eg, a town centre or a shopping mall or an outdoor event, but presumably you go to places like that with your daughter all the time. You’re being completely irrational about this.

It is relevant as a rare occurrence which killed children and something which no amount of mitigation can stop. The problem is your anxiety not the class security. FWIW I am both a mother and someone who has anxiety myself.

Hit enter too soon.

I think everyone has felt this way at least once and even though kids get more independent (and thus more at risk) I do think your worries naturally go down as they get older (or maybe they have to otherwise you’d go mad) - so I think that will help you. Be kind to yourself - some news stories just do trigger us for reasons unknown and I have certainly been periodically worried about someone getting into my kids school etc.. though in reality I know the only lockdown they’ve had for 10 years was for an escaped pig in the playground! It is very unlikely that Southport tragedy would happen to your child but I can see the parallels - dance class etc.. that would set your mind going. I run a scout group and we have to think about that sort of safety thing but as others have pointed out - getting out of a place safely because of fire etc.. is always top of the list of concerns and to be honest Id maybe be as worried about kids needing to get out quickly because the threat is from someone inside… you never know. Certainly locked doors hold their own danger..
I would talk your anxiety through with someone - your doctor maybe? because they will validate it and reassure you that it’s fine to feel this way whilst giving you tools to calm your anxiety. If you can’t get over it I think it’s OK to take your daughter somewhere where you like the set up more - just make sure it’s for rational reasons..

I’d want the doors shut locked when everyone is in and the fire exit shut as it’s a fire exit! But security is unlikely as who would fund this? If you’re worried can you go and stay?

I think I’ve misworded the post which has led to a lot of misunderstanding that I was suggesting a security person! I wasn’t I just meant having the doors open in such a way …

You've been jumped on OP, it's AIBU.

I think you have a point. The security we have in schools now, and safeguarding practice generally, is built on responses to awful incidents like Dunblane and Colombine.

I remember reading on here someone worrying about hosting a children's party, worrying that she would lose a child. Heaps of people piled on saying how silly. Turned out she was a school teacher and counting heads was part and parcel of her school day. I'd much rather leave my kids with someone like her who thinks about this stuff than someone who doesn't, and is fine with 5 year olds in their care wandering off to public loos by themselves. Since reading that post I've been much more aware of counting heads at birthday parties, and preferring venues where the loos are in the party area and not public. I know you are not talking about kids wandering off but it's a similar principle - the professionals often take this more seriously than random members of the public. The fact that other professionals who look after your daughter are more careful with doors says to me that you're not asking a stupid question. The question is what do you do about it, if anything.

As the situaiton in America shows on an ongoing basis fences and locks and security guards aren't enough. It is other things that keep UK schools safer than US ones. Personally if there's one adults only open doors mitigate what I'd think would be the greater risk of grooming. I doubt most parents would happily pay a significant amount more so a second adult can be present. Our dance school makes it clear children are not allowed to leave the building without being picked up at the door by an adult. Doesn't stop some adults from telling their kids to come out to the car park or stand out by the curb as they literally can't be bothered to walk inside or even park in some cases. We can't expect similar levels of safeguarding in a small dance class as an educational establishment. Those are situations where it's up to parents to mitigate risk to the level they feel comfortable with.

I used to fear a car would mount the pavement and kill me and my first born when I had PNA. Logically I knew the risk was very small. The problem wasn't the very rare possibility of a car veering off the road and killing us, the problem was the level of fear I had was disproportionate to the chance of it happening. Relying on children being locked in all the time isn't a great strategy, they don't then learn how to take precautions and manage risk, if the risk is always mitigated they don't even learn its a risk at all.

But schools aren't locked after hours. My children go to the music county orchestras and they were in two local secondary schools. The doors are open and anyone can walk through and go and stand outside the rooms they practice in.

Very similar to after hours drama practice in the performance hall. It's not locked.

Oh and the doors to those rooms aren't locked either. I stand outside every week waiting to pick them up.

In the weekend, the kids also walk from their practice rooms to another building, unaccompanied, to the tuck shop to buy sweets.

DC1 also played cricket and the field is open to everyone. You have to drive there but parking is ample and free. No gates, no doors. I don't see how it's safer than a village hall just because it's a field.

Your daughter - or any other child - is far, far more likely to be injured or killed travelling to and from the venue than by someone wanting to hurt her/them.

It's not went off topic at all, you just haven't had the answers you wanted. People aren't being mean by saying you need help with your anxiety, they are being truthful.

Our dance school makes it clear children are not allowed to leave the building without being picked up at the door by an adult. Doesn't stop some adults from telling their kids to come out to the car park or stand out by the curb as they literally can't be bothered to walk inside or even park in some cases.

This 100%. About half the parents don't even walk to the rooms to pick their children up. Their children leave the schools on their own and went to the car park to find their parents. They don't stop the children from leaving.

OP, some of the kids in these groups are KS2 and not much older than yours. Mine started at 9yo. She's a September child, so there could easily be 8yo in her class there.

I think the assumptions are 8yos are old enough to know they shouldn't leave the venue without their adults.

The groups are mixed with secondary kids. That's the reason why many will be leaving the venue to the carpark themselves. But they don't keep the little ones in.

That’s not how a discussion forum works or should work (MN do tend to shut posts down because the OP throws their dummy out of the pram) - you shouldnt get to shut it down just because you want it to end

If you don’t want to engage in the conversation any more then don’t but people can and will continue the conversation if they want to

what if there is a fire? A locked door poses a risk in that scenario

It’s comparatively easy for schools to be secure. They’re purpose-built, professionally-run and have many employees present at all times during the school day. Unlike clubs, attendance is mandatory for most children. Plus, they might be considered targets given that they’re very visible buildings containing dozens or hundreds of children, so the additional security and associated costs are easily justified.

Have you spoken to other Moms about your concerns. I totally understand where your concerns are coming from. Mental health problems seem to be on the increase with little support or care in the community. Maybe approach the teacher and voice your concerns. Would it be possible organise a rota where parents take a turn at staying at the class to be an extra pair of eyes incase of any suspicious behaviour. Then doors and exits could be closed quickly to secure the safety of the children.

OP I think the majority of posters are just pointing out that incidents can happen at any time, anywhere. We cant predict them and we unfortunately cant prevent them sometimes. The Southport incident was obviously a tragedy but a very, very rare occurrence. The point is, bad things happen. People get into car accidents, we cant avoid getting in cars. People get ran over, we cant avoid walking down the street. A little girl in my hometown was very brutally murdered on a children's park a few years ago, absolutely heartbreaking but we cant stop taking our children to the park. The point being, bad things happen in life but thankfully the odds of them happening to you, at your daughters dance class are very slim. Its about managing our anxieties and having a reasonable head. We cant live our lives expecting tragedy to happen.

OP, there's a solution — you stay and become security for your daughter and the other children and encourage other parents to do the same. You can challenge anyone unknown who tries to enter and also be helpful if any of the children are ill or need to leave before the end of class or whatever. Set up a rota with other parents and take it in turns. Talk to the teacher about it and suggest it.

There always have been and always will be murderous, insane people who randomly turn on people. I was in New Zealand, always cited as one of the three safest places in the world to live, in 2018 when British tourist Grace Millane was murdered. Despite all the violence you read about on the news, the UK is still one of the safest countries on the planet.

I feel you on this one, my 7 year old is in an athletic academy and the gym they train in is so open, doors propped open, the big shutters (which lead onto main roads and business parks/industrial estates) are open during summer, anyone can wander in and out - it all made me feel sick with anxiety as I felt she just wasn't safe and you never know who is about.

Luckily they’ve just put locks and keypads on the doors leading to the gym athletes train in, and are going to be investing in air con so the gym doors can remain locked over summer months without opening the doors and shutters. I would voice your concerns and see if there is a solution to this to make the place more secure, even if it’s as simple as locking the door and putting a keypad on it so only those with the code can come in x

If you raise it with the teacher ,you need to have some sort of solution in place. Personally, I hate the idea of locked doors and locked fire exits. Be careful you child does not pick up on your anxiety.

Me too. Children in a panic are going to run to the same doors they came in by.