Not to take husband to work everyday and pick him up

[robinsongs]

I have a 5 month old and two young children in early primary school years and mornings are pretty hectic as it is. Dh works a 10 minute drive away 20 minute walk and expects me to drive him there in the morning as I’m on maternity and pick him up when he finishes but he doesn’t have a finish time so he just texts when he’s finished, which is usually when I’m in the middle of cooking dinner or something and expects me to drop everything.
I put my foot down and said no as it’s disrupting 4 people in the morning as it’s 10 minutes each way and that’s 20 minutes cut off my morning and I have a baby to feed and then to get the others to school.

He isn’t one for taking no for an answer and has pushed and pushed and basically insisted telling the children they will be getting up earlier from now on to take daddy and I feel defeated as I have firmly said no and he’s just not accepting it because he’s decided I will.
AIBU or should I take him to work as I’m home all day and he’s working hard or should he respect my no and not push and push. He’s now asleep thinking he’s getting a lift in and picked up and I am awake feeling quite bitter that no matter how many times I made it clear I wouldn’t be taking him, it seems he’s just decided he’s getting his way and I am.
He can’t drive himself to work as there’s no parking nearby.

@robinsongs so your h is too lazy to walk 20 minutes to get to work?? Wants everyone to get in the car to drive him? That’s a big fat no. That 20 minute walk would be good for him and better for the environment. If it’s chucking rain, ok, but otherwise walk or on yer bike.

Just here to add, bet he’s not “working hard”.

What’s his job OP? Is he doing hard manual labour all day or is he office based?

My (mostly)DH likes to recharge and relax when not working as he’s been “working hard”. He answers emails, has lots of phone calls and meets people just like millions of people do. When I was working, I’d do all that with a shortened lunch hour so I could rush to nursery to pick up children before coming home to do dinner/washings/tidying while he’d saunter in at 6pm asking what was for dinner.

Some of us get to recover from “working hard”, the rest of us have to crack on and look after the family.

I’d put money on t not being so much that he wants a lift, he just wants you to do as he wants as you’re “not working” and sitting around all day doing nothing 🙄

Maybe the occasional lift in the morning but absolutely no lifts in the evening and under no circumstances should you be stopping doing dinner to run off and get his lordship. A taxi wouldn’t even costs that much if it’s a 20 minute walk. In fact, he can use the walk home as his wind down time so he’s ready to join in the evening routine and take the baby for a while to give you a break!

So... he doesn't want to spend an extra 10 mins getting to work, but is fine with you unnecessarily using 20 mins of your day? Because your time isn't precious like his? And that's before you factor in the kids....

Errr... no.

He pesters and pesters then just takes it you'll say yes but you can still say no. Does he get angry if you don't give in and are you afraid of that anger Op, if so then that's the issue, not lifts. Tell him straight, you will not be dragging your DC out twice a day in the holidays so he'd better get used to walking now. I'd also tell him he's modelling terrible behaviour to his DC, he's teaching them if you whinge for long enough you get your own way and that will lead to whiny tantrumming kids

Different horses for different courses then.
I tend to take the bus in the rain, but walk 2.5miles a day return to the station if it’s not raining. I can’t work out if my desire not to fight an umbrella & arrive looking like a drowned rat, puts me in your active or inactive camp.

Well, I've already said this, quite clearly, I thought, but the active/inactive thing was in response to you saying you'd 'want a lift for the up hill section', rather than being about the rain; I was expressing some surprise that you consider yourself active and yet can't or won't walk up a hill.

He sounds awful. Did you take him in again today?

I think it’s so selfish that he is demanding a lift in the morning when you have 2 getting ready for school & a baby. Surely in the school holidays he won’t expect you all up and ready to take him?

Was he born without legs.

YANBU. Before you had the baby and were on mat leave, he was managing to get himself to and from work OK without your help.

The only person benefitting from this arrangement is him, meanwhile it's making your life exceptionally more complicated with the children.

It's selfishness, pure and simple.

OK, if you happen to be up or available, then I'd probably offer, but it's got to be on your terms, not his.

A 20 minute walk is nothing! It's probably only about a mile.

So spend money on a moped, a test to be able to ride it, insurance and protective clothing to save a 20 minute walk each way? I think thats totally bonkers

He's a lazy so and so and needs to put his big man pants on and step out the door

That said, as someone active I’d happily walk 20mins providing it wasn’t raining and was fairly flat.

So you didn’t read the entirety of my comment when you hit reply then?

And yes, I reiterate that as someone active, it’s my preference not to get sweaty and rained on, on my way to work (hence not wanting to look like I’ve been dragged through a hedge backwards comment). I guess maybe, on reflection, I should’ve specified the percentage incline that is tolerable to me on a walking commute. I just wasn’t aware of the importance of such detail on a MN thread 😂

A 20 minute walk = 1 mile.

What an absolute baby. Get him an umbrella.

I can only say it again: I'm responding to your comment that you would 'want a lift for the up hill section'. From 'providing it wasn’t raining and was fairly flat' I have understood that in order to walk you would like it to not be raining (which obviously happens sometimes), but also that you would like it to be fairly flat (which obviously doesn't change, regardless of the weather).

How kids spend their morning before school shapes the mood of their day. He's needlessly putting them through a 20 minute round trip when they could be at home taking their time over breakfast.

Unless he's disabled or has ill health, a 20 minute walk is sod all. It's actually an amazingly light commute.

I can't believe he'd disrupt his whole families morning / dinner time to save himself 10 minutes either side. What a selfish man.

Ok, I’m sorry. I see now the confusion has arisen from my lack of clarity that I was referring specifically to a commute to work. And not my preference on conditions for walking more generally.
I incorrectly assumed that as the thread is specifically speaking about walking in the context of travelling to work, that that part would be clear. But I appreciate from your reply that evidently, it was not as clear as I had intended.
Hopefully now you can see how someone can be active generally, but also have a preference for a more relaxed commute to the workplace.

OMFG there's always one

I'm lucky that i have a 15 second commute from my bed to my office! (I work from home and have done since March 2020)

"Hopefully now you can see how someone can be active generally, but also have a preference for a more relaxed commute to the workplace."

Why should it affect anyone else if there is a hill you can't use someone so you can have a relaxed commute to work. Learn to drive and drive yourself to work.

Can i clarify is it a 20 minute journey by car or walking as there is a huge difference?

No, the thing is that, if you're generally active, I don't see the problem with walking up a bit of a hill to work as well as in your leisure time. Unless you actually go to work at the top of Everest or something, I'd be a bit worried about arriving looking quite as deshabillé as your posts suggest you do; it suggests that you're finding it physically more difficult perhaps it should be if you're a genuinely active person.

Lazy fucker. It’s 20 mins… which is actually very good for him. Tell him no and mean it. Selfish fuckwit.

He can't do a 20 min walk? Seriously.

How deeply unsexy and needy he is.

So a 10 minute drive has now become a 10 minute walk. WTF - you can walk at 40mph 🤣🤣🤣

Damn it, you’ve totally caught me out. Can’t even walk to the fridge 🙄