Shall I tell her to stick it?

[PrincessLeia21]

Ds attends school locally. A teacher at that school offered him a lift to and from as they live nearby. I offered petrol money at the outset, and her response was was, no, I’m going anyway so it’s fine.
At the end of each term, I’ve sent her a gift to say thank you. Each time, I’ve had to chase up to check she’s received it- no thanks forthcoming.
Recently, she sent me a message saying, I know I said no to petrol mondy initially, but actually, things are getting more expensive now that DS has got his own car and I would like to take you up on it.
hmmmmm. I asked her for bank details and she has sent me DS’s bank. So effectively she has decided that she wants someone to subsidise her DS’s new car and that someone is me. To be clear her DS drives themselves to and from a different school.
Teacher is still driving to and from our school daily.
if she had given me her own bank details, I would’ve just paid it, despite feeling that she should’ve asked me initially- not a year into this. But being given her DS’s bank details has made me really mad. Feels like a shakedown. Coupled with this, I lost my mum recently and my elderly father has been seriously ill. I’ve had to do an awful lot of juggling and rely on the lifts- she knows this, which makes me feel even more like this is taking the piss. AIBU?

I’m amazed that any teacher these days arrives and leaves at the same time as the pupils. The teachers I know all arrive at school early and leave late.

😂This has got to be a wind up thread.

Giving lifts to students is against most schools safeguarding policy. Adding in paying a teacher money and it looks even more questionable. Maybe she wants to payment to not go into her account as she knows what’s she’s doing would be frowned upon by the school.

Slightly lost for words 😅
If you told her to stick it, what would be your alternative plan for getting your child to school and back?

No I don’t think you should tell her to stick it, but I do think she should tell you to stick it as you clearly are an entitled CF.
It soundslike you need the assistance way more than she needs a small fuel contribution, as indeed she would be paying for it anyway and hasn’t asked for a year.
If you have no other practical way to get your child to school, I would be falling over myself to pay the contribution into any bank account she suggests, but feel free to be arsey and run the risk of losing these lifts.

I’d have said something along the lines of “I accepted your refusal for petrol money and I’d like to continue with that agreement.”

This woman is doing you a huge favour not only saving you money on your own petrol etc but in valuable time as you’ve said how long the school run trip is.

She hasn’t asked for money out of the blue. You offered and she’s said yes.

Also you say you’ve given her gifts to say thanks but you’re put out she hasn’t said thanks for your thank. Where does it end? You saying thank you for her thank you for your thank you present?

If you’re not happy with the set up, drive your own child.

Lol, says the rudest woman on mumsnet today

In what world do you think this is acceptable.

“I’d like to continue with that agreement.”

This isn’t a service that @PrincessLeia21 has professionally booked. It was someone doing her a big favour for free. She doesn’t get to dictate that it continues the way she wants. When someone is doing you a favour they get to dictate ground rules as you’re the one benefiting from them.

Where do you live? In the U.K. free school transport is required by law for children who live that far from their school.

You'd be quickly told to find your sons own way to school then. The teacher is doing OP a favour, not the other way around.

Hahahahahahaha 😂

Yep good luck with that one!!!

Would you though? Because that would probably end any agreement instantly. And it would go all around the village and everyone would be sniggering at you by teatime

To be quickly told to take your own kid to school then.

It’s a very odd set up. A teacher giving a parent of one her pupils her son’s bank details so she can pay his petrol money? I mean WTF?

However it sounds like you do rely on it so I would just pay it. If you can take your child yourself I would just scrap the arrangement altogether, but you don’t sound able to. I would keep any messages out lining the agreement if this ever blows up. I would send her a message saying ‘Sorry, just to confirm am I paying the money to your son’s bank account, is that right?

I think the head / governors / Ofsted would take a very dim view of this arrangement. Could be construed as bribery / favouritism / safeguarding issues.

You are very entitled OP.

This lady has been giving your son a lift to school (and back!) for a year!! For free!!

Now she’s asked for a petrol contribution, which is absolutely fair. She’s obviously asked as her son is spending money on fuel and she wants to help him out a bit. She has a potential source of a small income from your son’s lifts. Instead of the admin of transferring money to her son after she’s transferred it to you, she’s cut the middle man out.

Why does it matter where you pay money into? You should be contributing to petrol costs, and now you’ve been asked to. How is it cheeky to be asked to pay into a certain account but not into another account? That’s a bizarre way of you looking at things.

Tell her to stick it if you want to. I hope she does! And then you can find the time (and money) to get your own child to and from school every day. Unbelievable

Get your own child to school then. She’s done you a huge favour for a year, you have no right to get pissy now that she’s accepting something which you originally offered.

This is the funniest thing I’ve read on here for a long time 😂

Jesus Christ OP, it’s CF-ing people like you who stop people from offering favours.

Your lovely neighbour has saved you both petrol money PLUS two hours per day, five days a week, for 39 weeks of the year, which in waking hours is the best part of a MONTH worth of driving.

This has freed up your time to spend with others, and you are pissy about her taking you up on the offer of petrol money because of which bank account she wants it paying into?? 🤦🏻‍♀️

If I was her I’d be telling you to sort your own lifts and piss off.

The polite thing to do, instead of gifts would have been to INSIST upon paying petrol money. Or say; I know your DC is learning to drive, let me pay for a couple of lessons for them.

The cost of living is crazy nowadays and a teachers salary is bugger all in real terms.

You are the CF here OP and, judging by the poll, the majority are in agreement with this.

It was supposed to be. Not my fault you (and countless others) took it seriously 🤣

To be honest OP who cares which account it goes into.. would it make you feel better if you transferred it to her and she transferred it to him.

Just send her £20 a week for petrol and be done with it... Sounds like shes doing you a huge favour.

If my kids school run was an hour and someone was offering to do it for me I'd do a little dance if they asked me to. It doesn't make a difference if you put the money directly in her son's bank account or you give it to her and then give it to the son. Don't cut of your nose...

Sorry, somewhat confused. You started the OP by saying your son goes to school "locally", but its 30 minutes drive away. That's quite crucial to your problem.

If your DS could get to/from school any other way, I'd be encoraging him to do so, but it sounds like it will cause you significant inconvenience to do the school run yourself (epecially given your current problems with parents - sorry to hear that). Therefore you're stuck it seems. I'd pay up via whatever method she requests.

Think of it this way - she's helping your son get to school, and you'll be helping hers do the same thing by giving petrol money. Seems fair to me.

This. If you aren't comfortable, the council should provide transport.

Oh sorry! Honestly you never know lol