Shall I tell her to stick it?

[PrincessLeia21]

Ds attends school locally. A teacher at that school offered him a lift to and from as they live nearby. I offered petrol money at the outset, and her response was was, no, I’m going anyway so it’s fine.
At the end of each term, I’ve sent her a gift to say thank you. Each time, I’ve had to chase up to check she’s received it- no thanks forthcoming.
Recently, she sent me a message saying, I know I said no to petrol mondy initially, but actually, things are getting more expensive now that DS has got his own car and I would like to take you up on it.
hmmmmm. I asked her for bank details and she has sent me DS’s bank. So effectively she has decided that she wants someone to subsidise her DS’s new car and that someone is me. To be clear her DS drives themselves to and from a different school.
Teacher is still driving to and from our school daily.
if she had given me her own bank details, I would’ve just paid it, despite feeling that she should’ve asked me initially- not a year into this. But being given her DS’s bank details has made me really mad. Feels like a shakedown. Coupled with this, I lost my mum recently and my elderly father has been seriously ill. I’ve had to do an awful lot of juggling and rely on the lifts- she knows this, which makes me feel even more like this is taking the piss. AIBU?

wow just unbelievable
i would sort transport to school for your child yourself how ungrateful

Well, that's your responsibility, isn't it?

She did a massive favour for you. No amount of potted orchids, bottles of wine or box of Ferrero Rocher takes away from the fact that she's been facilitating your employment and lifestyle for a long time.

As a teacher you're not supposed to offer lifts.

One reason is Safeguarding. Yours as well as that of a Student. They are putting themselves in a precarious position so I'm surprised they are happy to risk that. When I worked at the school my best friend's kid attended they understood that I couldn't give lifts so didn't ask. I wouldn't risk my career to give lifts.

I think you're supposed to have written permission for every trip if you do need to drive pupils anywhere.

I'm also wondering about insurance and liability for both the school and the car.

If you live rurally and this is your nearest school, then the County are supposed to provide transport (I know that this is a joke). How do other students get to school and why is it so far away?

Afaik she is absolutely not allowed to be alone in her car with a pupil for safeguarfing reasons so as far as I'm concerned this whole scenario is nuts. She also shouldn't give a pupil's family her own bank details so I suppose giving you her son's makes some kind of sense but it is all a bit bonkers. Also if a teacher has a pupil in their car that becomes business use for the insurance. If she hasn't paid for business use then she is effectively driving without insurance every time your child is in the car. This whole thing needs to stop immediately, it is illegal. I am a teaching union rep, a school givernor and a teacher. Caveat: I'm assuming you're in the UK.

No!

Not unless they have business insurance and should only be a one-off. It’s a safeguarding concern.

Schools can’t make their own rules. You need business insurance and should only do it as a one-off. Yes we are DBS checked but we aren’t supposed to be alone with a student in a classroom let alone in a private vehicle.

Private schools can, to some extent.

Ok, whatever

The way the world has gone nuts saddens me. In the 70s, my husband took our daughter to school every morning because he passed the school on his way to work. He also dropped our neighbour’s daughter off at her school which was on the way. Our neighbour (or occasionally her husband) collected both girls after school and brought them home. This made sense as she worked in one of the schools, and it worked really well for years with no ‘incidents’ and I find it sad that fear of improper behaviour is stopping this sort of thing happening. Helping each other out was part and parcel of being a neighbour, and it’s a crying shame that everything is such a minefield nowadays.

From your updates you need this huge favour she’s doing you so just pay and be grateful you aren’t having to drive for hours a day. What a ballache for her having to think about someone else in the car every single day - what if she needs to go in early or stay late? She has to consider her passenger now. It’s a big commitment and you’re complaining?! I’d be saying nope this doesn’t work for me anymore and let you figure it out if it were me. Are you expecting her to do it for the entirety of school?! Pay up and thank your lucky stars tbh

I see nothing wrong in you putting the money into the son's account instead of hers.

You're dealing with a lot OP and this is something that's come along and riled up the other emotions.

For the teacher, she'd just be transferring the money you send to her DS anyway so why not cut the middle person.

Try not to allow this to cause you more tension than you already have.
Wishing I could give you a hug @PrincessLeia21

Are you coming back?

There is an accessible route. The issue is that the OP is finding the route inconvenient and time consuming.

If rural dwellers stopped having kids, agriculture would die out. That's not a good idea.

You've multiple excuses for continuing to accept her kindness. She may be having you pay her son to cover his allowance. If you've got any issue with it there's a simple solution which you've made clear you are not going to adopt. Why did you even start this thread? So ungrateful.

I hope she has business insurance.