Shall I tell her to stick it?

[PrincessLeia21]

Ds attends school locally. A teacher at that school offered him a lift to and from as they live nearby. I offered petrol money at the outset, and her response was was, no, I’m going anyway so it’s fine.
At the end of each term, I’ve sent her a gift to say thank you. Each time, I’ve had to chase up to check she’s received it- no thanks forthcoming.
Recently, she sent me a message saying, I know I said no to petrol mondy initially, but actually, things are getting more expensive now that DS has got his own car and I would like to take you up on it.
hmmmmm. I asked her for bank details and she has sent me DS’s bank. So effectively she has decided that she wants someone to subsidise her DS’s new car and that someone is me. To be clear her DS drives themselves to and from a different school.
Teacher is still driving to and from our school daily.
if she had given me her own bank details, I would’ve just paid it, despite feeling that she should’ve asked me initially- not a year into this. But being given her DS’s bank details has made me really mad. Feels like a shakedown. Coupled with this, I lost my mum recently and my elderly father has been seriously ill. I’ve had to do an awful lot of juggling and rely on the lifts- she knows this, which makes me feel even more like this is taking the piss. AIBU?

I suspect the only thing the OP is 'uncomfortable' with is paying a contribution into any account, nothing to do with whose name it's in.

It’s the OP who is coming across as the money-grabber here. After free lifts all this time, the teacher asking for a contribution to fuel costs “Feels like a shakedown”. Unbelievable. See if you can find another sucker to ferry your child to and from school at their own expense then.

Because of the issue of getting ds to and from school. I don’t know how old he is (might have been mentioned) but having an accessible route to school, come what may, is always a good idea.

😄

No not at our school they aren’t

I lived in a rural location for 10years and don’t remember a teacher ever giving a child a lift to school.

The teacher is being honest with you when they say they would like to take u up on your offer to part finance your child’s transportation. It’s none of your business what they want /need extra cash for.

People post on Mumsnet for opinions, support and advice. I think you are a bit sharp with your replies.

Pay and be grateful particularly as you’ve said you very much need the help.

I think you're lucky you got lifts for a year for free teacher is putting themselves in a vulnerable position alone in a car with a student

I have the sneaky suspicion that the OP won't be coming back...

It’s manners to pay your way. It doesn’t matter which account the money goes into, you need ti pay it or stop accepting the lifts.

Work out how much a taxi would cost and thank your lucky stars.

As a teacher I can tell you it is a massive safeguarding issue unless the school knows and she has business insurance. If she does then she absolutely can’t be asking for money though.

Not their problem

You chose to live there. What did you do before?

For every possible safeguarding rule this is an absolute no-no.

It seems a lot here think her giving your child a lift isn’t allowed and she could get into trouble, maybe she knows this so has given you bank details that won’t lead back to her.

She’s probably done this as she’s probably not allowed to charge you so paying her ds she’s covering her back.

Wow, just wow. I’m amazed the school is allowing this? It sounds like a huge safeguarding no-no to me. (I work in a school). Are they alone in the car ? I’m not suggesting anything untoward will happen but she is leaving herself vulnerable here. It would be a no from me if I were the teacher in this situation.
As it stands, it sounds like she is doing you a huge favour as you have mentioned being in the middle of nowhere with few options.

I hope she reads this thread, recognises herself and tells you to ‘stick it’.

Can't believe how rude you are OP. Get your own child to school and stop complaining

Depends on the school and the rules and all teachers are DBS checked.

Is the school over 3 miles away from you? If it is, in our area, you can have free school transport

Pay up and be very grateful.

This is the point you feel grateful it's taken this long for her to ask for payment. Not start trying to turn her kindness into a problem.

Gratitude is all that's needed in this situation.

Also, wouldn't you give gifts to your DS to hand over in the car when she picks him up, why does it need chasing to see if she's received them?

Sad about your parents but she may have her own stuff you don't know about.

Does your council not have to arrange transport to school for your kid? I live very very rurally and they do here.

Precisely, teacher could be in overdraft, could be paying DS for chores, so avoids having to transfer the £.
Doesn't say if teacher is a single parent, so child payments could have stopped etc.
Doesn't really matter why, OP should either pay or not accept the lifts.

She would like the money you initially offered paid directly to her son rather than paid to her and her giving it to him or transferring it again. She is correct things have become more expensive and she is still doing the favour that helps you dramatically - I don't see in what way this is a shake down. You can either contribute to the petrol as you offered originally or find another way to get YOUR child to school.

Brilliant 👏.

Aren’t they?