Grandfather behaviour to granddaughter

[Stripesarethethingforme]

My Dad's behaviour towards my eldest daughter has started to worry me and I need some advice as I don't really have anyone I can talk to about this other than my husband who is also concerned.

My Dad asks my daughter to sit on his lap a lot - he wanted her to sit on his lap for over an hour this afternoon. Kept pulling her back in if she got off and asking her to hug him. He focuses all his attention on her and ignores his other grandchildren when she's there. He asks her to hug him a lot- for example this afternoon after having her sit in his lap for a really long time he was still asking her to come and hug him. She's six years old. It makes me deeply uncomfortable.

I found him giving her a foot massage after dinner this evening and saying how nice it was to be stroked. I'm really not happy about this but I'm not sure whether I'm projecting something that isn't there as I have a difficult relationship with my Dad. I've never liked him hugging me although I can't say exactly why, I just don't like it.

What would you do? Should I be concerned?

This is fucking weird . Stop visiting.

Do not allow your child near him. This is very worrying abd very innapropriate behavior on his part.

Hi op glad to read your update kids should never be forced to do anything especially by other family members he’s doing it to please himself your dd is not a fucking doll to be forced to sit for an hour especially if the other kids don’t do it. I think if it’s his way or no way I would be going for the latter always. You might lose out on your mum but a mother should make it her priority to protect her kids and I know this isn’t always possible but you can protect yours.

@Stripesarethethingforme

I know you’ve said that one of you will be keeping an eye out at all times, but I think you need to go a bit further than that. His behaviour sounds like grooming to me, and if you’re thwarting that by saying no, then he’s going to try every trick in the book to access her. Be that getting on the floor to play with her, then quietly saying things to her to make her feel guilty about not hugging him, to following her about, to distracting you both with ‘accidental’ spills/requests for things just to get you both out of the room, to going to the loo via her room.

These creatures are monsters. They really are. You might think you’ve left no opportunities, but they’ll find one. Quite frankly, I wouldn’t risk it. There’s too much of a chance to ruin the rest of her life. I’d either visit your mum without the children or ask a trusted friend to look after the children while they’re visiting you.

I agree. I'm sure that this OP was advised in March to stop visiting as she is really enabling any abuse by continuing to visit her Father and allowing her daughter to be mishandled/abused. No Grandfather is better than an abusive one.

Yes, the OP was advised that back in June and the person you replied to was a zombie stating the bleeding obvious!

This, I always feel awkward around my brother like I always had to cover up even in hot weather. He was a certified creep

This @Stripesarethethingforme a hundred times..

If there is no ill intent - it's still not good: it's teaching your daughter than men can have unfettered access to her body.

I worked in child protection for years... This is as red flag as it gets...

The foot massage... Could be building up to... 'This is where I liked to be stroked.... Like when Grandad massaged your feet.' the message that this is OK and 'normal'.

The ' rearranging' her on his lap... May be covering up an erection /or stimulating him by him subtly rubbing himself (frotteurisn)...

I worked with a great uncle once who eventually admitted to /was prosecuted for - rubbed himself to orgasm with small children in his lap over years... Part of the arousal was getting away with this/doing it in front of other adults. ... It was a huge family - he'd done this to at least 20 kids.

I'd be absolutely stopping him having any physical contact with her.... Tell him it's inappropriate /she doesn't like it... He'll fight back... Please. Protect your daughter.