Sad about reaction to summer residential trip but is it a sign of the times?

[Flowersinthehood]

DC is in year 5, we were speaking amongst us (the parents in the class) about the year six residential trip next year. It’s five days, three hours drive away doing activities and stuff that most children would probably enjoy doing with their friends.
My DC has SEN and is emotionally about two years younger. She still needs some help with dressing, time management etc, making sure she has things she needs, even more so than most kids of her age.
That said, I really want her to go on the residential trip. I have such fond memories of my trip. I know she’s not me though, and she’s not a kid of the nineties.
So many other parents said they didn’t think their kids would go, or they didn’t want them to. The main reason was anxiety (the child’s), them not trusting school, didn’t see a need for it as they did lots of activities ‘as a family’ (failing to see how much more fun it would be with friends), kids haven’t slept in anyone else’s house or been apart from them.
It made me think about how much has changed. I grew up in a council estate (whilst we live in an affluent area now) and we were out and about on our bikes. Kids walked to the local shop on their own from around 7, no real discussion of stranger danger.
My DC hasn’t had any of these experiences. We parents manage her social life, we are cautious about knowing friends families before she goes for play dates. I’m a single parent so she goes to her dads for sleepovers but hasn’t been anywhere else to sleep.
Are we unrealistic to expect our children to cope with the same things at the same age when they have so much less freedom?

I think the children would cope fine, it's the parents who have the issue, and project on the children.
My DC all went on a school residential in Y4. Totally fine, as was everyone else. One of mine did cry a bit but the others cheered her up. And she loved it.
I actually see residentials as v different from walking to school. Walking to school there are cars and stranger danger. On a school residential, they are all in one place, no cars, and lots of safeguarding.
It's really a non issue. Unfortunately i think there is a snowball effect. If one parent pulls out their kid, it makes it more likely the others will.

Your job as a parent is to prepare your child for adult life. Being away from you, gaining independence is part of that.

I hope the parents are able to let the children go. It’s so good for them. I think the lack of residential and overnight trips unfortunately make the year 6 one a big one for first timers.

Lots of parents don't allow their dc any chance to become independent, to their detriment. Mine have been going to the shops alone since they were about 8/9. Obviously a short, safe distance building up to longer as they've got older. When I was young there were obviously no phones to stay in touch, at least now they can ring if there's a problem.

I fear a friend of mine will end up taking her son to secondary school on the bus as she's so neurotic about letting him do anything, he's 10 and she stands watching him play outside with friends

I went on a few residential's as a kid. I did love spending time with my mates. However i really disliked the long coach journeys.

My boys loved school trips and scout camps. They got so much out of them, building friendships, resilience and independence.

I couldn’t get mine out of the house fast enough for overnight school trips 😂

very sad to hear parents are passing anxieties down to children. It is worrying. I’m generation X. What on earth are millennial parents on about?

We should be telling our kids that feeling nervous is normal, and shouldn't stop you from trying new things. Instead I think more parents are telling their children they don't have to do anything that makes them even slightly anxious, and aren't helping their children push through these challenges. Obviously I'm not saying we should force seriously distressed children to do terrifying things, but there is a balance and if we want kids to have resilience we need to find it.

My two sons are men now. Both of then went on every residential trip available. Scouts camps, PGL, year 6 end of year trip, skiing in secondary and a working week in Gambia with the sixth form.
For comfort one of them took his best teddy with him on the scout camp and year 6 week away (to be hidden in the bottom of the sleeping bag.)
I had moments of anxiety during every trip but that was my problem - not theirs! You have to let them breathe away from you - let them develop a bit of resilience.

Oh - my older son, off to scout camp, forgot to take his towel. I was all, "How will he cope without one?" My DH said, "He'll be fine. He's a boy - we don't mind being a bit dirty."
He was fine.

That’s fucking tragic.

This was being discussed at our parent council meeting last week.
There is an huge amount of anxiety, really coming from the parents. Our school has a p7 (age 11) residential camp, 4 nights. Youngest did it this year and loved it, despite being quite anxious, oldest DC did it 6 years ago, also loved it, also anxious.
DC2 refused to go, they are autistic and I did want to push it.
They are the one who is keen to do a European trip with the history department now he’s in high school.

I'm a bit surprised about this OP. I have three teenagers, so year 6 is only a few years ago for them, and no one in their classes missed the year 6 residential.

Its safer than it was for us back in the 80s and 90s. I wonder how many of these parents don't let their children do this kind of real world stuff but allow them to have phones and SM. We are destroying our children.

The children are invariably fine it’s definitely fuelled by parent anxiety eg repeatedly texting child.

I think mobile phones can help fuel it. Because parents are so easily able to contact the child. So you can have long conversations with the child that you just couldn't have in the past.

Whereas when we went on trips we just had to get on with it. Yes, there was homesickness and yes I remember tears in the tent in Y5, but it was seen as normal and something we would cope with.

All of my DS’s class went on residential last year. I think a couple were nervous but all went including the child with SEN.

Not sure if the age of them when Covid happened impacts it or where in the country they are.

Re mobile phones - they weren’t allowed

I'm an anxious parent, DS has SEN but i didn't think twice about letting him go on his Yr 3 or Yr 6 residentials and neither did any of the other parents.

We do allow mobiles (girls 10-14) but only to be used at set times in communal areas. It’s a balance. Parents like kids having phones as they can track kids and message them. AirTagging children is also a thing now.

This surprises me, but then my eldest is crying out for more independence so it's hard to reconcile this with our experience. He turns 8 in July and wants to do a PGL summer camp only weeks after he becomes eligible to go (they are for 8+). He was asking to do a full week one but we've had to talk him into a two night/ three day one to start just in case he does feel odd sleeping away from home. He seems ready for the same things at the same ages as I was... if anything he is a lot more confident than I ever was... I was a shy kid.

my y5 is rather anxious. I definitely am not. I don’t tell people he’s anxious very often because the response is always “but it’s your anxiety!” or something similar. It really annoys me! I’d love for him to be free of it. Most parents would.

Eh, all children are different. I had lots of sleepovers as a kid but was very homesick on a PGL holiday at age 11/12. Hated it, couldn’t wait to go home. I’ve grown up into a very independent adult. Honestly would have hated a brownies sleepover at age 6.

I just think with the digital age we are more aware of what is happening everywhere else. Pre internet you wouldn’t have known that Sammy from the next village didn’t go on his y6 residential. Now a few people can have a discussion on social media and suddenly it seems like all kids have anxiety.

I have noticed that there is more distrust and push back against teachers and school rules, with parents teaching their kids to question authority. For WBD recently the school said no football kits and the backlash was astonishing.

as for mobile phones, too many parents are overprotective in the real world but underprotective in the virtual world…

At my son's junior school the residential is in yr 5. Three nights at an outdoor activity centre about 1hr 30 mins from school. Nearly the whole year went, a few cried but stayed the course. This was the first residential after covid lockdowns in yr3 and yr 4. It would not have entered my head for anyone not to go. Most children walk to school on their own from late yr 4 and definitely in yr 5.

I think some parents if their anxiety ruins off on the child and as a result does not go on the residential are relieved at the cost saving.

Also notable the age we are talking about, at which children missed out on face to face schooling for six months in 2020, they would have been year 1 or 2. But it was more important to re-open pubs in July 2020 than have one or two days a week in school.

I hated every minute of school residential trips in the 1990s. I was very shy and quiet, I don't think the teachers realised how upset I was as I waited till night to cry. It wouldn't have occurred to me that it was an option not to go, or that hating something was a reason not to do it, my parents certainly never asked about activities etc. I'm sad if children are more anxious and less able to do things now, but also I think we listen to them more and allow them choices that we never used to and that may not be a bad thing?

My DC school has residentials from year 3. I actively encourage it, they also had sleepovers with Beavers from age 6.
There are a few children from their year who have never slept away from their parents before and the parents are the ones with the anxiety in my opinion.
Children should be able to have safe experiences to build their confidence and independence.

There's a big difference between walking to school alone and being on an organised residential trip with your peers and multiple teachers.

I never walked to school (lived too far away) but had no problem going on the residential trip.