To think it’s wrong to go on holiday without DC

[Pinkdreams]

I keep seeing on Facebook women going on holiday multiple times a year, leaving their young DC at home, this isn’t just one person it’s multiple, as a mother I couldn’t stand the thought of being in a different country to my child, what if something happened? Is it just me? Is this the norm?

I’m not the person who went through her post history, I just explained why I have no issue with people doing so on an antagonist thread like this.

I’ve already replied to her claim. I’ve said I think she’s jealous she’s seeing people on Facebook in Dubai whilst all she can afford is a caravan holiday.

I don’t see any issue with it. Do you work? If you do people could make the same arguments about you being away from your kids far more than if you went away for a few days etc etc.

What is wrong is you deciding that other people doing things differently is wrong.

Family holidays are not all they are cracked up to be, seriously putting two parents together with 2 children can make for some seriously miserable faces on the way home - ive seen it first hand.

Its not wrong for people to do holidaying they way they see fit for them

We did it a few times when ours were young, did us the world of good. Usually city breaks that they wouldn’t particularly enjoy.

I did find it odd though when we went away with four other couples and our kids (all similar ages) and one couple left theirs at home. It was a villa with a pool and very child centered.

I go away on my own all the time because i dont have kids.
However parents are not just parents they have a life outside of being parents and some need a good break without kids.
You can have a family holiday but there is nothing more peaceful than having a holiday to yourself without the constant need to be on watch.
Parents all need time to chill without children ruining the peace if they can afford it then why not.

It’s wrong for you and that’s fine.

It isn’t generally wrong. Holidays with children, especially young ones, aren’t really holidays, it’s just parenting in a different postcode.

If parents want to have an actual break, why shouldn’t they.

I go away several times a year for my hobby. No I don’t take my children with me. It would be boring for them and they have another parent who is happy to parent alone. It’s good for me and them.

If anything I find it a little strange that there are people who can’t bare to be without their children for even a day. Surely it’s good to build their independence and it’s good for mum or dad to have a proper break?

Edited to add. My children have also been away on school residentials without me or their dad. They’ve been camping with scouts. They’ve slept over at friends. Does that also make me an awful parent? Or is it part of preparing them for life? Enriching experiences? Making friends and learning new skills?

I don’t think I would go abroad without my kids but that’s because of my irrational anxiety not my superior parenting.

I left my 1 year old DC to go on a girls holiday 1 hour and 30 min flight away. I definitely had anxiety about doing it but I had a great time and glad I did it in the end. I missed my DS but don’t regret going.

No one batters an eye lid, I’ve seen posts about it’s fine if DH goes on stag do’s abroad when they have a newborn baby but somehow it’s judged if a mum wants to have a life outside being a mum.

I would personally work on your own judgements, surely as a mum you know everyone parents different x

My DM had many holidays without me and my brother - mind you I didn't have a brilliant relationship with her - not terrible but not great either.

Would love to know what OP would make of me- I'm taking one DC away for a weekend abroad in a couple of weeks and leaving the other two at home with DH.

Ive done it previously with another and, at the right time, will do with the third. Love the 1-1 time focussing on exactly what that child is interested in, and the others have a great time at home with dad, knowing it will be their turn at some point.

I would and I can't wait!! They have the other parent called a father

This. It annoys me to fuck how it’s just accepted men are shit parents. Don’t you mean How can dads/parents just leave their kids…? Why is it the golden rule that the mother always has to be the responsible one and can’t be away from the kids she’s conceived, carried, given birth to and in most cases primarily reared??!

There are a lot of excellent dads who put their kids first and absolutely adore them. There are also probably a lot of mums who love their kids and - meh, they’re their own person and don’t need me 24/7 when they have other ppl looking after them who love and care about them. I need to put my MH first for now so I can be as a good a parent as possible. And there are obviously ones on both sides who genuinely don’t give a shit.

This pressure on women though to be seen as the perfect parent who will not only automatically sacrifice her happiness and well-being 100% bc she became a mother, but are expected to do it with a beaming grin on her face a song in her heart….

It goes without saying the expectations for both parents should be equal. Men are often let off the hook bc what would you expect? They don’t have the bond? Mums care about their children more, it’s natural…. yadayadayada… There may be a degree of evolutionary psychology arguing this is the case but surely we’ve evolved enough to know we’re not still living in caves and men are just as capable of bonding with their offspring as their female partners. The burden and guilt shouldn’t always be placed squarely on the shoulders of women and then other women like OP adding even more shame and guilt on other women when they have non idea what their personal circumstances are.

As a PP said - you do you, and stop with the mum-shaming.

I never would. For me, a lot of my enjoyment comes from making memories as a family and how much my DC will get out of it.

I’d say it’s a great idea. I’ve done a few trips, including one with my husband when my daughter was 2. Motherhood is a season and if you aren’t careful you can lose yourself to it, then the kids grow up and where does that leave you? You don’t have to go abroad, but I strongly believe you need some time away from your kids to just be yourself.

OP's husband is probably looking forward to some goady-free me time, tbf.

I’m a single parent, I’ve been on holidays without my DD and she’s been on holidays without me. I love my child free time just as much as I love spending time with her - we all need a break and I’m sick of people pushing the mum guilt narrative!

I would never want to go away without DS but I have absolutely no problem with what other mums do. Everyone is different.

I left Ds1 aged 3 and DS2 aged 1 when I had to go abroad for work. Their dad looked after them. Like the functioning adult and parent he is. I have since left them (now 14 and 12) many times over the years for the same reason and because my parents live in Australia and on 4 occasions since 2015 I have gone by myself for up to 3 weeks at a time. DH has gone abroad for a holiday with friends as well as making several trips to compete in sporting events he loves in France, Greece, and Hong Kong.

DH used to work abroad totalling about 6 months of the year. Until he retired when DS1 was 10. No-one thought anything of that, yet i have IRL been criticised for a week long work trip here or there and the month trip to Oz which was due to having to sort out elderly and ill parents. I have also been a bit baffled that people rally around DH to 'help' the poor sod because he has the children on his own and take meals over or invite them to dinner and 'check in' to make sure they are okay and literally NO-ONE has ever done the same for me, even though he is away more often and for a great deal longer in time. The last trip to Oz I had in January a particularly intrusive neighbour texted him daily to say 'DAARLING!!!!!! How are you COPING?'. Until DH pointed out that he had been a bachelor for 45 years and was not in fact babysitting but merely caring for his own children.

OP- you may have noticed the society tends to set different standards for mothers and fathers. God forbid a mother has activities or obligations that take her away from her kids- or merely wishes to go on a holiday. I am hoping this year to take a trip with some friends to Rome. DH is going to Denmark to compete in an event related to his hobby.

You don’t know the family dynamic, I am going away tomorrow for 5 nights and my kids are staying here, we can’t wait! We work hard, we run our own business, my kids are at sports 4 nights a weeks and both days over the weekend! I have to cook, clean, stay fit, maintain friendships. My holidays over the last 5 years have been were there’s decent kids entertainment, running round after the kids, making sure they are fed, watered and entertained. Going away for a few days for a refresh and break is absolutely fine. When we become parents we don’t stop being anything but parents!!

I can only dream of going on holiday without DC!
DH does keep trying to encourage me but most of my friends have useless husbands who would keel over within 3 hours of looking after their own children!

Hoping to get a 3 day trip in 2 years for DHs 40th to Iceland.

You'd have been appalled by my neglectful parents. From when I was about 3 they went away together, both of them!!! for their wedding anniversary.

Not only did they go away but we were looked after by our Grans.

We absolutely loved it. Spoiled rotten by 2 adoring Grans all weekend then Mum & Dad came home with presents

Didn't scar either of us in the slightest

It’s just you OP. I enjoy having a life that isn’t just about being a mother.

As long as the kids are looked after while you're away, and aren't upset by it, and you're not doing it ALL the time, absolutely take some time for yourself. You'll be a better parent for it!

@thestudio

eh?? What are you on about??!

@NalafromtheLionKing

don’t neglect yourself! What you like and what you’re interested in matters too!