To have complained about another mum’s swimming ‘costume’

[Raven25]

This morning I went to a weekly parents/young children swimming session with my DD at a national hotel/leisure club chain. We go most weeks and there’s usually a similar crowd in attendance.

It is predominantly other Mum’s who go, with the odd Dad.

Today, one of the other Mum’s was wearing what I can only describe as a thong, in fact it was more of a g string and barely contained her modesty. My DD pointed at her from the pool when she was walking in the opposite direction and asked where her clothes were. I could tell others in the pool had noticed her and didn’t know what to think.

Everyone else was wearing all in one style costumes or the odd bikini which actually fits.

I found this completely inappropriate given it was a swimming session for toddlers/young children, that outfit was more appropriate for someone on only fans!

On the way out, I spoke to one of the staff on reception and asked them whether they enforce certain standards to which I was told it’s up to visitors what they wear but they draw the line at any full nudity - which I’d argue this was. They didn’t seem too bothered and the young female colleague listening in next to her said ‘it’s nice to see a mum with that much confidence’ which I felt was rude. It’s not about confidence, it’s about respect.

I’ve got home and told DH who thinks I was ridiculous to complain and says he’d be embarrassed to turn up there with me next time we go to the gym together!

It’s a bit off a tough one and I think you do come off as slightly jealous. But then as someone who wears thong bikinis to the beach and on holiday I would never think to wear one at a swimming lesson for children. There’s a time and a place. But then I have seen worse when I’ve gone to public pools so I don’t think it’s the worst thing to see. Sounds like everything was covered. I think it’s slightly unreasonable to expect everyone to wear swimmers that you deem appropriate.

If she's not breaking the rules then you're totally out of line. If you don't want to expose your children to that, don't take them to that pool. You're allowed to feel it's inappropriate but you're not allowed to expect the others to cater to your emotions. You are not the center of the universe and your feelings don't matter to anyone but you. Sorry to break the news.

It's not breaking the rules to complain either

I think that's a bit much, really - they may have a rule with a loophole that people can exploit to show their arse, but they also don't have an explicit rule that states that you CAN show your arse.

It's hardly fair making OP out to be some ridiculous prude who's out of step with everybody else's thinking: it's traditionally understood that bottoms are covered by swimming costumes.

You may well opine that such a swimsuit is acceptable; but equally, a great many people would deem it unacceptable.

Let me guess, the one in thong was also in better shape than most of the single piece wearing mums? Jealousy is a bad habit

So’s showing your arse in public.

I never get the facile "Ooh, you must be jealous" argument in things like this.

If something is socially unacceptable, then it doesn't matter who is doing it. If you saw Megan Fox and Timothy Spall standing next to each other outside a nursery and both independently blowing smoke around, shouting aggressively and effing and jeffing as the little ones were going in, would you tell him off but not her, because "Ah, but she's so beautiful"?

I agree, it is so odd when women say this to other women. It is hateful enough when men do it. It is just a device to shut down a discussion (why, I don't know), because you don't have a valid point to make.

I think we should not assume that.

I don't care if it's a nine year old girl, a ninety year old bloke, or Kate moss in her heyday, I don't want to see a one else's arse in my face while swimming.

Looks have literally nothing to do with it.

Honestly. Read this back to yourself. Why don't you focus on yourself instead of judging other women. Sorry to be harsh but it feels like you need something to snap you out of it! You'll end up lonely if you go around behaving like this.
Also you should teach your child not to comment on people's appearance.

It's not judging other women.

She'd feel the same, male or female.

Also, end up lonely if you go around behaving like this 😂

End up lonely? There's no shortage of potential friends in the world who don't feel the need to show off their arses in public around small children!

What about the flasher in the park? Will you also end up lonely if you so much as mutter that he shouldn't be doing that either?!

This isn't somebody who's been disturbed by surprise in a private place and caught unawares; it's somebody who, knowing that she's going to a family swimming pool, has looked at all the available costumes and, instead of choosing an appropriate one, has deliberately decided to go for an insubstantial, inappropriate one that she knows means she'll actually be displaying her bum in public.

It's a bit like the people who run the London Marathon dressed as a deep-sea diver or a fridge-freezer whilst everybody else is in shorts and a t-shirt or similar: they know that they've deliberately made a highly unorthodox, attention-seeking choice in order that everybody will look at them and realise how inappropriate it is for the occasion.

At least, in their case, it's usually done to raise awareness of a charity/good cause or a political point that they feel passionate about, rather than just to raise awareness of their own arse - "because I'm so beautiful and the only people who could possibly object must just be jealous hideous old hags".

You’d be happy to see this in your local swim session ? No one would comment and if anyone does it’s pure jealousy?

My message didn't mention jealous or being 'old hags' as the previous poster who quoted me mentioned, so that's not coming from me. There's a difference between being (I assume you mean envious) and being judgemental. I simply wouldn't care because it's not my business. There are many more important things happening in the world for me to concern myself with than bikini bottom width.

The picture just loaded for me. Haha well it is an unusual choice but I honestly wouldn't care, sorry. Maybe it's an age thing and I will care when I'm a bit older but currently I don't see it's worth getting distressed over.

Do you really teach toddlers that? When I take GC swimming the toddlers run round the changing room naked and no one seems to feel the need to tell them to cover up.

I am with you OP. No one wants to see her a*se hangin out. If a guy wore a mankini he’d be marched out for indecency. Same applies here. I see women sunbathing in park in thongs/ g string. A thong isn’t a covering. Just 🤮

I don’t find the aesthetic of a thong bikini attractive, even on very athletic women, but that’s my opinion of it as a fashion item. I would never report a woman based on what kind of swimming costume she was wearing. Little kids are not going to be scarred by this experience! YABU

There’s be an outrage and no one would say it’s because of jealousy! It is a weird double standard. Men would be told they couldn’t wear a thong. For women it seems to be acceptable - but i don’t wanna see peoples arses hangin out, end of ! Same with those new butt scrunch shorts/ leggings.

I think you’re unreasonable. It covered her actual genitals which is all swim clothes really have to do.

It wouldn’t be my choice, and yes she probably looked a bit silly, but I wouldn’t complain about it or expect it to be barred.

Re a mankini - also would look silly but not offensive as such as long as genitals properly covered.

Jealous of her owning an arse? We all have them.