To have complained about another mum’s swimming ‘costume’

[Raven25]

This morning I went to a weekly parents/young children swimming session with my DD at a national hotel/leisure club chain. We go most weeks and there’s usually a similar crowd in attendance.

It is predominantly other Mum’s who go, with the odd Dad.

Today, one of the other Mum’s was wearing what I can only describe as a thong, in fact it was more of a g string and barely contained her modesty. My DD pointed at her from the pool when she was walking in the opposite direction and asked where her clothes were. I could tell others in the pool had noticed her and didn’t know what to think.

Everyone else was wearing all in one style costumes or the odd bikini which actually fits.

I found this completely inappropriate given it was a swimming session for toddlers/young children, that outfit was more appropriate for someone on only fans!

On the way out, I spoke to one of the staff on reception and asked them whether they enforce certain standards to which I was told it’s up to visitors what they wear but they draw the line at any full nudity - which I’d argue this was. They didn’t seem too bothered and the young female colleague listening in next to her said ‘it’s nice to see a mum with that much confidence’ which I felt was rude. It’s not about confidence, it’s about respect.

I’ve got home and told DH who thinks I was ridiculous to complain and says he’d be embarrassed to turn up there with me next time we go to the gym together!

Probably because you don’t get many sumo wrestlers rocking up to a toddler’s swimming session.

I'm with you OP.
Totally inappropriate at the local swimming pool.
Ok to do so if she's on some trashy holiday with a nudist beach.

This is pretty much what I was going to write too…

We all realise there are different levels of inappropriateness for women and men. A woman was allowed to attend a televised reward ceremony wearing nothing but a see through cloth recently.

At what point women question what is really driving these trends and what are women getting out of it - not practically and comfort, that’s for sure. Arguably, not earning respect, either.

We all have genitals too. I don't want to see other people's at the pool.

As a PP said, we teach children about private areas and that people should not ask to see them and they should not show them. Your private area is basically what's covered by pants/ knickers.

From NSPCC:
Privates are private
Your underwear covers up your private parts and no one should ask to see or touch them. Sometimes a doctor, nurse or family members might have to. But they should always explain why, and ask you if it's OK first. Remember, what's in your pants belongs only to you.

Her lack of clothing was totally inappropriate in a children's session.

My gym has recently sent a reminder email that thongs are not appropriate pool wear on the grounds of decency and hygiene.

I would have had a giggle (because I’m immature) but I wouldn’t have complained. I would have taught my child not to comment on other people’s clothing though.

I took a group of 11 year old boys to a UK outside waterpark, the kind with a load of inflatables moored in a lake. There was a 20 something lady there wearing a thong. The park let you hire a wetsuit, but she only had on the mandatory life vest. The boys actually never noticed her, but I did chuckle while watching her bum cheeks go down the inflatable slides, can you imagine the friction she must have had. And when she bounced in the air, her legs flew everywhere and you could see it all!
I did think it was a very impractical choice of clothing for where we were, but it has made a funny story ever since.

If you must be judgmental, do it silently and in your own head. The need to Complain To The Manager just because your delicate sensibilities were offended is utterly absurd behaviour. If the other mum's costume was against the rules they're able to step in themselves without your help. I assume they roundly mocked you once you were out of earshot and quite right too.

Challenging harmful stereotypes is not pointless and silly. Yes we all know that that fashion and social expectations (in Western culture, at least) dictate that, unlike men, women can / should show more flesh and try to look sexually attractive at all times. For whose benefit? Women's? I don't think so. Why should we just accept it and (even worse), allow ourselves to be brainwashed into rebranding it as empowering?

The fact that wearing revealing stuff 'isn't really a thing for men', but is a thing for women, isn't accidental. It didn't just turn out that way by chance. The same way women having to completely cover their bodies, hair or faces didn't come about by chance. It's because women have always been treated as property or entertainment.

I mean... wear what you want. I wouldn't actually complain about the woman's arse on show, but I think it looks bloody stupid and I find the fashion for it depressing.

There's an old man in our local park who likes to wear nothing at all but a long coat, which he proudly opens up whenever there are other people nearby.

I'm just so glad that he has the body confidence to wear what he feels comfortable in and doesn't feel shamed by ridiculous prudes (who are likely just jealous and uptight anyway).

If anybody doesn't want to see, all they need to do is not look and concentrate on their own business.

Oh, wait........

Yes, I know that buttocks are not genitals, but when your actual bumhole is virtually on show, any normal person is going to realise that it's a private body part that strangers don't want to see. A ringpiece is not technically genitals, but it's very close to them; and surely merits the same level of privacy.

As PP said, it's particularly unhelpful when we each children that the area your pants cover is private and nobody other than your parents, doctor or other trusted adults should ever see it when helping you in appropriate circumstances - then somebody strolls down the side of a public swimming pool with nothing but some cheesewire over their starfish. Remember too that young children will be at eye-level to the middle of an adult's body, so if it's a crowded pool - or they're just being little children without any sense of personal space - they'll be confronted by it square-on.

I don't think so. I think she thought the same as I would have, it's inappropriate. Where what you like at the beach, I couldn't care less.

Why does anyone want their arse hanging out at a swimming pool? I appreciate on holiday some people don't want tan lines - but it's really not an issue at a pool is it. It's just completely unnecessary.

can you clarify for us - was she topless, with the only garment being worn this skimpy g-string? or was she wearing a two piece outfit, incl the 'thong'? posters seem to be assuming one or the other, but you aren't very specific in your OP

On the one hand we complain about men's constant sexualization of women. The medias constant sexualization.
And then defend women's rights to wear hyper sexualised clothing in inappropriate settings. Why do some women crave that kind of attention. It's depressing.

😅 I still think of that when I’m on holiday!

"Prancing" 🙄
Sounds like you spent half your time watching her and not minding your own.
Then to go home and talk to your husband about her... she's taking up far too much of your headspace.
People with their bodies out in a swimming pool, oh noes

Because women aren't all one hive mind, we all have different tastes and if we want to wear clothes we feel good/confident in we can without lip pursing/, telling us to cover up?!
Not everything's about sexualisation, and if a woman's body being shown off/being noticeable and not suitably hidden away is sex to you, that says more about you tbh.

In my opinion , fighting against concepts/social constructs is completely different to shaming /complaining about a specific woman.

On the opposite side of this, a lot of women oppose the covering up of muslim women and feel very strongly about it , would you think OP was right to complain to reception if this woman was wearing a burkini? The messaging ,connotations and influence of peer pressure can have just as many negative consequences as the thong, if not more. Because no woman was stoned to death for wearing a thong bikini…yet.

I am so not a fan of butt-floss. I find it unhygienic. You're sitting your basically bare ass on surfaces that other people sit on too.

It does say more about them. It says they haven’t been brainwashed by the patriarchy into believing they have to dress a certain way, show off their body or be noticeable to be deemed of value.

And again, context matters. Wearing a thong bikini at the beach or on holiday is fine, wearing it at a toddler swimming session is not.

This. I might have given it a few seconds eyebrow raise and wouldn’t be my choice but then I would have just got on with my day 🤨🤷‍♀️ Mountain out of a mole hill much…

As someone who grew up in a Northern European country where naturism is considered no big deal, I feel a bit sorry for you.

what harm were you complaining of? What is the worst that could have happened?

This kind of view is a total pretence. A thong bikini is sexualised in a way that total nudity is not. Is is absolutely not appropriate for a children's swimming session.

If this is a family that 'celebrates' and focuses on the mum's sexual desirability in this way, the children will surely be negatively impacted in their relationships as adults. They will have all sorts of assumptions about the purpose and value of women in relationships and in public.

A burkini and a thong bikini are 2 sides of the same coin. All about the male gaze and nothing to do with the activity the woman is undertaking.

Yeah it says loads about me. Mainly that I am not desperate for attention and make approval.

People can wear what they like. I don't believe I said they couldn't.
But do not kid yourself that they will not be judged on it. They will.
And people have as much right to form a judgement and "purse their lips" as people have to wear what they like.
Butt out swimwear is designed to get a response. The wearer doesn't get to dictate what that response is.

And of course it's Sexual.

Tits and arses are sold as sexual. They are sexual characteristics of the female body.
There is particular arse fetish at the moment to the point that peope are getting surgery at the extreme end and those hideous and ridiculous leggings that sit in your arse crack at the other.

Why do women's bodies have to be "shown off". Bit needy that.
Can they not just be humans? People?