To think 42 is too old for a baby?

[UnknownClam]

Posting under a NC for this as I know it might be controversial, but I need to get this off my chest.

A friend of mine has just announced she’s TTC at 42. She already has two DC (youngest is 10) and has suddenly decided she “really wants one last baby.” I know it’s her life, her choice, but I can’t help but feel like it’s too old.

I had my last DC at 38, and even then, I found the sleepless nights brutal. I can’t imagine doing it in my 40s. Also, by the time the child is a teen, she’ll be in her late 50s! And I hate to say it, but the risks of pregnancy complications and things like Down’s syndrome are much higher at that age.

She asked me what I thought, and I just smiled and said, “That’s exciting!” because I didn’t want to be rude. But deep down, I feel like it’s a bit selfish. AIBU? Would love to hear from anyone who had a baby in their 40s how was it?

Be gentle! Not trying to be a cow, just genuinely wondering if I’m the only one who feels this way.

Each to their own. I have a friend who wants to try for a 3rd in her 40s. I personally think it’s asking for trouble, in terms of complications. But it’s none of my business! And none of yours.

Nor mine. Anyway it's literally just a medical term for a 35+ labour. And it isn't old to be having a baby, it's increasingly becoming the norm in the UK (plus other developing countries) and historically women often had late pregnancies - 46 for my Nana and my Great Aunt.

I wish some posters on here would stop with the ageist swipes. You wouldn't do it, fine then don't, but it's not a competition

You're right, it's incredibly common nowadays.

I'm an older mum, the majority of my friends and acquaintances are and my sister is, too.

Even when I gave birth to my first, there were plenty of women in their early 40s with me in the hospital. Of course also younger mums, the youngest mum in the hospital that I remember was 15. It was a good mix of all ages.

Our beautiful DD2 was born yesterday morning by ELCS and she's completely perfect.
A straightforward pregnancy and birth despite me being a geriatric 42 years old!
Our family is now complete 🩷

Congratulations 🥰

Congratulations 🎉

Wow. I am 43 and have a 13 month old, a 5 y/o, and a 9 y/o. My father was 46 when his youngest was born and my grandparents were 45 and 46 when their youngest arrived. You're out of line.

I had my first at 39 and and my second at 41. I'd been trying since my early 30s but to no avail and then a big shock falling pregnant at 39 and then again at 41. Ideally I'd have liked them younger but im so incredibly grateful that i got to be a mum. My husband is 4 years younger.

My pregnancies were problem free, I had ELCS as I requested them. Recoveries were miraculously quick. Sleepless nights were fine, certainly easier with my second who slept much better than my eldest. I'd nothing to compare to but I'd no issues.

I don't see the huge gap between 38 and 42? So it's odd you're judgemental about it considering you're an older mum yourself?

My mum had me at 37, she's 80 now and does daily yoga, strength training and hill walking. She looks like a woman 20 years younger! She's still a very active grandparent and my dad is in pretty good shape too. He takes his grandsons for a kick about to the park every Sunday, you'd never guess their ages. My MIL is 57 and already has health issues so can't be as active with the children like my parents are. There's huge importance to me to keep myself healthy for my two which I might not have worried about so much if I was 10 years younger.

In all honestly though I wouldn't have a third planned baby in my 40s. I do feel like you roll the dice any time you have a child and health issues are more prevalent in your 40s. That's just me, I wouldn't judge someone for their choices. My friends are planning their 4th and they are 43, up to them really.

She’ll be fine, OP, and since it will be her third, she is well aware of the sleepless nights that will (actually only might) ensue.
I do have a friend who had her first at 42 and regretted it, but a third is totally normal.
FWIW, some babies do sleep through the night - my youngest did from 5 weeks!

Your family is like mine. We have 4 generations of 40 something parents (some actually 50 something!) Works for us, we must have great genes because my parents and grandparents were all around to meet their grandchildren. My parents are still going strong and living at home.

It's extremely unlikely that past generations in your family were having babies in their 50s - not the women anyway. The chance of natural conception, and actually taking a baby to full term, in your 50s (for a woman) is nigh on impossible.

As I have said before (and some others have said) the older female relatives who had a baby at 50+ almost certainly took on a younger family member's child (a daughter or niece,) and passed the child off as hers.. Was very common pre 1980s.

Father's have been 50+. Women for 4 generations have been in 40s. There were no other children to take on from anywhere else, they have all been the biological child of the 40 something mother. I've not generalised out, I've discussed my own family situation.

I’m sure I read somewhere that statistically more women in 40s were having babies in years gone by than nowadays. The big statistical change has been women having their first baby in their 40s whereas before it’d of been women having subsequent children. Going back through generations of my own family grandparents had lots of siblings between 6 and 9 each not uncommon to have first child in the 18-25 and last in the 40-45.

You are right, my grandmother was one, she had my mum, the last of ten children, at 42. However that is different to having your first baby over forty.

In mine all started after 30 and had last at 40 plus. My great grandmother had 5 boys, with fairly small gaps between starting at 32 last at 40. My granny had my mum, her first at 37 and my aunty at 40. My mum had 3 of us from 34 to 40. My sister had her child at 40 I had mine at 46. My granny was on of 12 and her mother started young but had the last at 44.

God you really are rude. What on earth happened in your life to make you so angry? At least not just me you let rip at